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Old 10-08-2008, 07:15 AM   #1
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My husband doesnt satisfy me and doesnt seem interested in sex

I have been married for 4 years to a man who is 41 years old, i am 35 and we have sex about twice a month.(when i had just been married it was twice a week for around 8 months). My husband always has sex only in the morning (not any other time of day) at a certain time on Sun since last 2 years whether he feels like it or not. We have never had sex in the night since our honeymoon and we have never tried any position other than the missionary position and sex for me has gotton very boring. He doesnt care whether i am satisfied or not and i usually have to rub his ..... for him to get erect. In the four years that we have been married i have never been satisfied ever. Other than sex he is a caring guy. What should i do?

Last edited by candie1975; 10-08-2008 at 02:14 PM.

 
Old 10-08-2008, 07:47 AM   #2
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Re: My husband doesnt satisfy me and doesnt seem interested in sex

It sounds like you guys can talk freely about anything? Have you ever ask him to try other positions? Have you ever tried getting him in the mood at night? If he's as nice as you are saying, this shouldn't be hard to do. Even old fashioned guys like myself, love a bit of surprise now and then.

 
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Old 10-08-2008, 11:04 AM   #3
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Re: My husband doesnt satisfy me and doesnt seem interested in sex

You have my total sympathies! I couldn't be with someone like that. Does he know he has never satisfied you? And have you talked to him about it?

 
Old 10-08-2008, 02:40 PM   #4
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Re: My husband doesnt satisfy me and doesnt seem interested in sex

You say 2 things that correlate. The first is that you have to work at helping him get an erection. The second is that he only wants to have sex in the morning. I think that both of these point to some ED caused by low testosterone. The reason is that low T will cause ED and a man's T is highest in the morning, which would make it easier for him to get an erection in the morning if he has any level of ED. A man's T is always highest in the morning, no matter the age or his T level.

When I was in my mid 30s to mid 40s, I could have sex any night, but only once. However, the very next morning I could have sex 3 times in less than 2 hours. That would have been impossible for me at night. I'm now 63 and are still like that to a lesser degree. I have mild ED and low T and am on T replacement. It is much easier for me to have sex in the morning than at night.

He should have his hormones checked to see if that is the problem. It might not be, but it is easy to find out with a blood test if the doctor is knowledgeable on the subject. Also, as has already been said, talk to him about what he is thinking and why his desire for sex is so low. By the way, low T will also cause low libido and depression.

 
Old 10-08-2008, 03:11 PM   #5
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Re: My husband doesnt satisfy me and doesnt seem interested in sex

Boy, I hate to admit it, but my man has the same thing going on!

I am really appreciatitive of the subject being brought up, and some knowledge shared about this. I bet that other folks get a lot out of this post too. thank you!

I hope having some ideas on how to make it better, will open up the dreaded discussion about this in my house. Just talking about it is enough to cause my man and I the blues. It is our only real issue, and it sucks.

Thank you for asking..

 
Old 10-11-2008, 08:54 PM   #6
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Re: My husband doesnt satisfy me and doesnt seem interested in sex

I think Whytry has given you some excellent advice. Your husband can have his T levels checked via a simple blood test at his GP. Then, if found to be on the low end, I would see a Uro or Endo, as they are specialists in this area. Low T has become a near epidemic due to many factors....Some attribute it to pollution, chemicals, food preservatives, and most often, other medications such as BP, depression, and others. Quite often, the meds we take will cause side effects that invariably cause other issues. And, sexual side effects is one of the most common.

Most importantly, I would try to have a heart-to-heart with him. After all, a marriage is about communication and give and take. Somehow or another, you need to let him know your inner feelings. I don't mean to scare you, but your marriage may not survive if this type of thing continues....You both are still very, very young. You may also want to consider couples counseling, where you can air your feelings in a very non-threatening compassionate way. A good counselor acts as a moderator and keeps everything on track.

Best of luck to you.

Regards,

Ex

 
Old 10-14-2008, 01:05 PM   #7
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Re: My husband doesnt satisfy me and doesnt seem interested in sex

i have put on a lot of weight (am 195 pounds and 5' 3") since last 2 years. Before that i was 130 pounds. I know my husband is not attracted to me at all, is this because of my weight or because he has low libido or what. Sex for him is very mechanical, and he only kisses me on the mouth and hardly anywhere else on my body, there is no foreplay or anything else. Also after sex he is annoyed and in a irritable mood.

Last edited by candie1975; 10-14-2008 at 01:23 PM.

 
Old 10-14-2008, 01:26 PM   #8
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Re: My husband doesnt satisfy me and doesnt seem interested in sex

Whatever you do, DON"T blame yourself!

Your husband is a lucky man to have such a caring and sensitive wife, especially if you can be the one to encourage him to seek treatment. The gift that keeps on giving!

Definately look into the ideas the others put out there, it worked for me. I just had to let my mate read the responses, and make the appointment for the blood test. Thank you.

Candie, please remember...when men do not have it easy in the bedroom, they often hold back alot in the foreplay department. Its not you...

Best wishes for you both!

 
Old 10-18-2008, 01:49 PM   #9
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Re: My husband doesnt satisfy me and doesnt seem interested in sex

Hard to believe everything is ok except for sex....I mean sure people can and do loose their sex drive over time BUT 9 times out of 10 there is something more to a situation. Its rarely ever just a black and white thing of this person not wanting sex.

Sex is an emotional thing and for some reason there must be a lack of sexual emotion, I mean two peoplel can't have a deep vibe that goes into the sexual relm without having a good sex life to go with it....

When I read..."whether he feels like it or not...." a flag went off and I immediately thought of a machanical, dry, emotionless experience.

I would suggest to the original poster to dig deeper, there has got to be other aspects of the relationship that are lacking.

 
Old 10-18-2008, 06:00 PM   #10
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Re: My husband doesnt satisfy me and doesnt seem interested in sex

"When I read..."whether he feels like it or not...." a flag went off and I immediately thought of a machanical, dry, emotionless experience."

That and the not caring about you being satisfied, yeah that sets off some flags for me as well. No real advice other than if he's unwilling to help fix this problem, you have to decide if you can live with what seems like a rather pathetic sex life. Good luck.

 
Old 10-18-2008, 09:03 PM   #11
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Re: My husband doesnt satisfy me and doesnt seem interested in sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by candie1975 View Post

Sex for him is very mechanical, and he only kisses me on the mouth and hardly anywhere else on my body, there is no foreplay or anything else. Also after sex he is annoyed and in a irritable mood.
Has it always been this way, or has this been something that has recently developed?

Have you tried anything "out of the box", like seducing him, or a weekend trip....That kind of thing? Or, does he reject all?

I have some more comments I'd like to make if you feel like responding to the above.

Take care,

Ex

 
Old 10-20-2008, 02:13 PM   #12
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Re: My husband doesnt satisfy me and doesnt seem interested in sex

In response to Executor......

Its always been this way, other than the first 8 months of marriage where we
still only had sex in the missionary position but it was not only in the mornings on a fixed day, also the first 8 months he suffered from premature ejaculation and sex use to last only 5 mins.
The first two years he use to get excited and aroused but the last 2 years its gone progressively worse, not only is he never exicted or aroused with regard to me but i think he has sex because otherwise i get worried and anxious so just to placate me he has it,it lasts for around 13 mins but there is no foreplay or anything of the sort and even though he doesnt satify me it doesnt seem to bother him.

No i have never tried to seduce him. Now with all the weight i've gained (190 pounds) I feel self consious.

Last edited by candie1975; 10-20-2008 at 03:54 PM.

 
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