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Old 10-25-2008, 10:45 AM   #1
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why does my husband masturbate every day

im in a relationship,for the last 3 years,and feel so neglected!! he dont want sex,either just doesnt want or carnt get hard.. but can manage to satisfy himself every day.. why is this am i not sexually attractive to him..should i leave the relationship as its causing rows. as im sexual and getting nothing.

 
Old 10-25-2008, 03:04 PM   #2
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Re: why do men masturbate every day

I think it's an issue if he has a drive to masturbate, yet not have sex with you. Has it always been this way, or is this a new development?

 
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Old 10-25-2008, 03:55 PM   #3
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Re: why do men masturbate every day

Have you talked to him about this? He might be nervous about having sex with you for some reason.

 
Old 10-26-2008, 04:33 AM   #4
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Re: why do men masturbate every day

hi..yes many discussions.. says its his medication he takes..but we have a supply of viagra,but still not very intrested.as doesnt take it,maybe occasionally.i think he has always been this way..and prefers to sort himself..

 
Old 10-26-2008, 04:38 AM   #5
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Re: why do men masturbate every day

yes he dosent have problem doing the masturbating..just seems an issue with me!! i think he has been doing this with previous partner due to lack of sex,and it still continues to be done.. but not much to be said for me.. been to the doctors and sugested viagra,of which got,but makes no difference,doesnt take it..bad feelings on my part now..thinking to call it a day..

 
Old 10-26-2008, 03:24 PM   #6
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Re: why do men masturbate every day

You have to be "in the mood" for Viagra to work.

Men often masturbate to erotic fantasies they have. They look at porn and imagine doing it with those girls, which is stimulating. Most men can seperate reality from fantasy but, for some, they will prefer to have imaginary sex with a model in a magaize over real sex with a normal looking girl. Normally, I see nothing worth with a man who occasionally masturbates to fantasies, but in his case it has become unhealthy. You may need to tell him to stop the masturbation but, if you do, be prepared to leave him if he doesn't stop and show you the attention you deserve.

 
Old 10-26-2008, 04:50 PM   #7
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Re: why does my husband masturbate every day

You have to remember that men start masterbating when they begin puberty, so this becomes a trusty old friend to many men, that is guaranteed to "work" every time.

If men have any anxiety about thier sexual performance with a partner, they may focus on what works for them, rather than realize your needs. I would consider this an immature man sexually, or one who has previously had some negative experience.

I wish you well.

 
Old 12-11-2008, 08:33 AM   #8
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Re: why do men masturbate every day

thanks for the reply.. i have just come to the conclusion that he prefers to masturbate than be sexual with me..our sex life has been zero without any sex for 3 months..we have had rows over this but ,to no atempt.. yet he is still masturbating.. i dont want to have to end the relationship but i dont want a relationship minus sex..he says if it dont work it work sexually ,but thats no answer ..to me he carnt be botherd..

 
Old 12-11-2008, 08:42 AM   #9
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Re: why does my husband masturbate every day

he's lazy and selfish......it's easier for him to just satisfy himself than to have to make an effort towards satisfying you.........what is it you like about him?

 
Old 12-11-2008, 04:50 PM   #10
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Re: why does my husband masturbate every day

Saying he is lazy and selfish without knowing all the facts is not helpful. He may have a perfectly good reason in his own mind but for whatever reason(s), good or bad, he just doesn't or can't and he doesn't want to discuss it. Probably the best course of action is for the relationship to end.

 
Old 12-15-2008, 04:49 AM   #11
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Thumbs up Re: why does my husband masturbate every day

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnetic View Post
Saying he is lazy and selfish without knowing all the facts is not helpful. He may have a perfectly good reason in his own mind but for whatever reason(s), good or bad, he just doesn't or can't and he doesn't want to discuss it. Probably the best course of action is for the relationship to end.
Thank you for the reply as usual.. iam getting highly frustrated with the whole issue..after talking to him all i get is "its broke ,dont work" i do agree he is selfish and does sort only himself out,my statement is if he isnt complaining then he is doing something!and to me thats masturbating..we have a supply of viagra..but he just isnt intrested in the bedroom..iam seriously thinking of ending the relationship..

 
Old 12-15-2008, 04:59 AM   #12
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Lightbulb Re: why does my husband masturbate every day

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
he's lazy and selfish......it's easier for him to just satisfy himself than to have to make an effort towards satisfying you.........what is it you like about him?
Thank you for the reply..iam beginning to ask myself the same questions..i feel like a friend ,more than a lover!if he carnt get an erection what am i supposed to do?i feel so neglected and unwanted.. he hasnt a clue how many nights i go to bed and cry,feeling like crap.. i have always been sexually active untill this as happend..perhaps its time to end this and find a more considerate and loving man..

 
Old 12-15-2008, 12:37 PM   #13
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Re: why does my husband masturbate every day

If he isn't willing to get help, then you should seporate from him for a while, giving him a chance to think about the changes he need to make, to avoid an ugly divorce..

 
Old 12-20-2008, 06:45 PM   #14
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Re: why does my husband masturbate every day

Might be a homosexual

 
Old 12-27-2008, 05:26 PM   #15
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Re: why does my husband masturbate every day

I joined this site just to answer this question. I've seen some good answers and some ridiculous ones (he's a homosexual? please...). This might be a bit wordy, but I'll try to be helpful.

The short answer is that men masturbate. Period. Except for a very, very small segment of the world's population that is impossible to estimate. Whatever differences we might have in every other aspect of our lives (region, religion, social class, ethnicity, relationship status, you name it) it's one way in which most of us are the same. We masturbate.

There can be a lot of reasons, and some have been mentioned here. But at the heart of it is the fact that it just feels good. Most of us discovered that before we were old enough to know that that thing down there is called a penis. Many young males actively masturbate long before it's physically possible to ejaculate. Once learned, it's a lifleong activity.

The one misconception that I see a lot, here and in other forums, is that masturbation equates to sex. Yes, it is sexual (obviously), but masturbation = sex the same way a few potato chips = a good meal. In other words, they don't equate at all. Sometimes you want a good meal. Sometimes you just want some chips.

Masturbation is a solo act. Even though it can be incorporated into sex with a partner, doing that changes it and it's not really masturbation anymore. Masturbation is by its very nature a private and selfish act, but selfish isn't always a bad thing.

Men and women really do view the world differently, and it's almost impossible for one side to truly understand the other. Women are often amazed at how well I seem to understand them, yet y'all baffle me much of the time. The flip side of that is that I can communicate how men view things quite clearly, and women only kind of get it. It's hard to make sense of a thought process that's alien to you. So the best we can do is try to understand, and be accepting when understanding isn't there.

For men, even though masturbation is a sexual act, it has very little to do with sex itself. For a married man, it usually has no bearing on the relationship whatsoever. Some people mention things like men needing an outlet when they're not satisfied enough in bed. Not completely true. Sure, there are some men who aren't satisfied, but the satisfied ones are masturbating too. So that reasoning doesn't really work. Other theories I've seen include men not being programmed for monogamy, and it's a safe way to have multiple partners. There could be some truth to that except that men with multiple partners masturbate too. So again... doesn't really hold up.

Being male, the simplest way I can put it is that it's something we can do for ourselves that no one else can, that feels good, gives us a private moment with ourselves with no strings attached, and gives us a quick moment of release while occasionally being able to live out a little fantasy with no repercussions. Men ARE visual creatures, much more than the average female can comprehend - not because you're stupid but because you typically just don't operate that way yourselves. When a male is looking at pictures or videos or whatever, it doesn't carry the weight for him that you attach to it. And for the man, much of the satisfaction is the very fact that there IS no weight attached to it. Like I said before, no strings. No obligation, no pressure - just an image.

Men masturbate for the release. It's not that you can't give them release yourself, but it's a different kind of release. No matter how much sex you have, it won't satisfy the desire to masturbate because it really is totally different. And, except for extreme cases, masturbation usually doesn't affect a man's sex drive with a partner. Honestly, I can masturbate and then have sex with a partner an hour later and the two experiences are completely unrelated to me. There are times I'm not in the mood for sex but I might still masturbate. And when I do want sex, masturbation doesn't really take care of it.

What I'm trying to make clear here is that men DO NOT consider sex and masturbation to be the same thing, and one does not usually affect the other. I don't know how to make that point without repeating it over and over again.

As for a married man who masturbates frequently but doesn't seem to want to have sex often, first you have to try to forget about the masturbation (I know that's difficult but I'm serious - read what I've written so far). The issue is really just the infrequent sex.

Sex, if all is relatively well in the relationship, is enjoyable and exciting. It's also more than simply getting off and going to sleep. Believe it or not, most men want to be good lovers. If we were all as selfish as you believe then, well... we could just masturbate. So sex is more than just a physical act for us too. And for a lot of us, that means trying to survive in an alien world. We second-guess ourselves a lot, because we can't really know how you think. We simply can't comprehend how you think. The best we can do is try to find what works for you, then keep doing it because that's what seems to work. Then we get criticized for lack of variety, but we're just trying to satisfy you without really knowing what it takes. And, of course, we're trying to satisfy ourselves too. Sex can become a lot of work and it can get stressful trying to keep up with you and feeling inadequate. Granted, that's not how it always is, but it's more often than you'd think. Along with that is the fact that now it takes more than a light breeze to get us and keep us "at attention", and so we're stressing about that too - whether it'll stay up long enough to do its job. That's already an issure many men have dealt with since our first experience - will I get it up and keep it up? Now that our body parts are even less dependable than they were then, it's more of an issue. Many of us suffer from performance anxiety big-time, and always will. Despite that, when we were young and truly selfish it didn't matter so much because we're pretty much always hard and we just wanting to get ourselves off anyway. But as we get older, we find ourselves being more satisfied with companionship because it's less work and less confusing and frustrating. We still have a sex drive, but it becomes more imaginary and less frequently utilized. So then we might end up masturbating a bit more, but like I keep saying, we'd be masturbating anyway so no harm done there.

I see all over the place that you should communicate and talk this stuff out. Kinda sorta. Men want your understanding (though we know you don't really understand, because we don't understand you either). We want your patience and acceptance. And once we have that we feel safe to express ourselves. And then we want to stop talking about it. Yes, communication is a good thing and it's vital to a relationship. But for us there's such a thing as too much communication. The more we have to talk about it, the more it becomes an issue. And if we keep having to talk about it, then the issue balloons up into something way beyond what we think it should have to be, and now we're all upset and angry and hurt, repeating ourselves over and over, and we didn't even know there was an issue to begin with. I'm not saying our way is the right way, I'm just saying that that's how it works for us. Talk is good but then drop it before it turns into an out-of-control monster. So, if you do have an issue with this or anything else men do or don't do, go ahead and talk about it, but be willing to listen. Give us the opportunity to respond and express ourselves, and then let it go. Give things a chance to happen based on what you've discussed. We really are trying here.

Finally, we all need our alone time. Men need it maybe more than women do. We're simply not programmed to be connected to someone 100% of the time. We need "down time", and masturbating is one of the things we do when we have it. It doesn't mean that we're seeking an alternative to you or a replacement for you. It doesn't mean that you don't interest us. It just is what it is - something we can do for ourselves that no one else can, and it feels good, dammit. It truly has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

Sorry this was so long-winded, but I hope it helps

 
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