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Old 11-30-2008, 03:43 AM   #1
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Gf lost her mojo.

Hi everyone. I have only just joined, so please bare with me. I am not to sure if the mens sexual health forum, is where this is supossed to go.

I am a 23 year old male, And my girlfriend is 32.
For about 5-6 months now my gf basically has no sexual needs, whatsoever anymore. never used to be like that. And we have split up over this problem once already, and nearly a second time, i have told her i am willing to wait, but not if she just does nothing.

The first time we split up, she said it was because it is the easiest way out, instead of facing the problem, it was easier for her to just split up, and carry on, after a week she said she made a mistake. And nearly again she was thinking of doing the same thing.

Now i have spoke to a friend, he said he had same problem with his gf, for about a year, but in that year he said his gf did, help him out, when he said he wanted to do something.

Now i cant begin to understand what the problem is, cause i have not experienced it myself, but i just wish she would do something about it.

so i have come here, to see if any of you guys and girls can help me and my gf. Any advice will be apreciated.

Thanks in advance.

 
Old 11-30-2008, 04:57 PM   #2
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Re: Gf lost her mojo.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SoulCinder View Post
Now i have spoke to a friend, he said he had same problem with his gf, for about a year, but in that year he said his gf did, help him out, when he said he wanted to do something.
Dear SoulCinder:

Does this mean that your buddys' girlfriend "helped him out when he wanted to do something" by having sex with him (oral or otherwise) because he felt he needed it/wanted it and she did it to please him? And is this what you want your girlfriend to do?

I am not being judgmental just trying to get the facts.

All I can share is my own very dysfunctional outlook and experience with sex. I would be sexually attracted to a man and active with him for about the first six months. Then I would lose all interest (sexually), go into a depression and then break up.

I was with one guy who wanted me to have an orgasm every time we had sex -- I told him this just wasn't going to happen and it's okay -- that I enjoy just being intimate with him. He did not believe me. He always wanted to "make love." In my mind I was thinking just f***k me and get it over with (yeah - sounds pretty messed up I know).

I have been in and out of therapy for years. Whenever I would bring up this particular subject it always seemed to get sidestepped so I thought I would fake it for the rest of my life.

Only problem is I get to the place where I can't even do that anymore and just break up.

What is the answer? Probably years and years of intense psychoanalysis and that doesn't even promise a result.

I am an attractive woman who enjoys men, but only so far. I doubt if this helped you any but from my own experience I would guess there are issues in your girlfriend's past (as in mine) which render her incapable of sustaining a desirable, open and honest sexual relationship.


TreeLover.

 
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Old 12-01-2008, 03:06 AM   #3
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Re: Gf lost her mojo.

Hi treelover, thankyou for you're reply.

About the thing with my friend, i am not asking her to do that, i am just thinking i would do that for her if i was in her shoes. But i am not to sure that, that even crosses her mind.

She does know how this feels, she used to be married, and her husband just went of doing things at all with her, so when she wanted to do things, her husband just blanked her, so in the end she decided to not want to do things at all, of any kind. cause it was easier to cope with. in the end he ended up cheating on her.

I myself have tried to just blank it, cause it will be easier.
But then what really is the point in being with her if you cant have a full relationship. The intimate side is needed as well as the everyday side.

I also say to her, that it doesnt have to be sex, it can be anything, i just miss being intimate with her in any kind of way, even now when she sleeps in my bed with me, not even naked hugs, or a proper kiss, all it is is just pecks on the lips. and i miss those things, i feel that in oder for a relationship to work properly, it needs every part to be working, and this part isnt. and i really dont want to split up with her.

I dont know, maybe she has the same problem you have.
Do you think going to see a psychiatrist would help ?

 
Old 12-01-2008, 11:24 PM   #4
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Re: Gf lost her mojo.

Is she by chance on any medications at all? Birth control pills or some antidepressants (SSRI's in particular) can definitely wipe out the sex drive and even intimacy (embracing, kissing, etc.).

Last edited by kittywitty; 12-01-2008 at 11:27 PM.

 
Old 12-01-2008, 11:43 PM   #5
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Re: Gf lost her mojo.

yeah she is on birth control, she takes an injection every 2 months or so.

so you think maybe its the birth control ? Trouble is, she used to get really really bad period pains, where sometimes she couldnt work cause she double over in pain. I dunno what she can do

 
Old 12-02-2008, 05:51 PM   #6
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Re: Gf lost her mojo.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SoulCinder View Post
The first time we split up, she said it was because it is the easiest way out, instead of facing the problem, it was easier for her to just split up, and carry on, after a week she said she made a mistake. And nearly again she was thinking of doing the same thing.
Dear Soul Cinder:

It sounds as if your girlfriend knows she has a problem with intimacy and would rather not face it than work on the relationship. If she is honest with herself she knows what it is. Sometimes if a man is too needy this turns a woman off, in all ways. Maybe she is suffering from depression, unfortunately, most anti-depressants also suppress your sex drive but in my experience a low sex drive is better than a low life drive.

At the end of my relationship with my last boyfriend I didn't like being intimate at all either, no kissy no huggy, etc. But I was in the midst of a depressive episode and I didn't realize how bad a hole I was in until I got out of it.

Talking to a therapist or psychiatrist was usually helpful to me if you get someone you can relate to and be honest with but she has to be willing.

Also, I suggest your girlfriend talk to her medical doctor. There might be alternatives to the type of birth control your girlfriend is using. Also, there could be physiological causes to her lack of sex drive. I don't know. I wish you luck though.

Treelover.

 
Old 12-03-2008, 10:00 AM   #7
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Re: Gf lost her mojo.

thanks again for a reply

She does know she has a problem, but she never speaks to anyone about them, just bottles them up inside, She wont even tell me her problems really, i have to ask her whats the matter. She is reluctant to see anyone cause she dont like to speak to people about herself.

So basically, i am willing to wait, and help her. but if she dont help herself, is there really any point in me trying to ? I do love her very much, and dont want to lose her, but what she is doing now, or lack of wanting to make things better, is very annoying.

Do you think you would still of been with ur ex boyfriend, if you wasnt so depressed back then ?
Cause i no recently it has been stressfull, what with moving house, and x-mas so close, just she says she not depressed, but maybe sad.

I cant say i understand whats going on with her, i really dont. and that alone is very tiresome. is only word i can think of really.
About 5 months ago, i bought her some Lingerie from Ann Summers. That she still hasnt worn at all. And it was very expensive She say she feels bad cause she hasnt been in a sexy type of mood. I have done everything i can think of to try perk her up so to speak. i dont want to give up, she just seems to not care anymore, and is happy with that, yest still dont want to split up with me.

I am so lost on what to do.

Thanks for reply Treelover.

 
Old 12-03-2008, 07:22 PM   #8
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Re: Gf lost her mojo.

Dear SoulCinder:

To answer your question -- I don't know what came first -- the depression or the not wanting to be intimate. I have since learned that I need more alone time than most people, that I am more of a loner and he was/is a very outgoing social person. I was trying to be something I'm not (social) because I wanted to make the relationship work. I have "suffered" from depression for most of my adult life so it was not anything out of the ordinary for me to have another episode. This one was just particularly bad.

There were a lot of things that figured into ending our relationship. We got along so well he was almost willing to give up sex! But I wanted him to have a relationship with somebody who would make him happy, in every aspect.

Kudos to you to be willing to wait it out, but it takes two to make a relationship work.

One thing I do know is that communication is key to any relationship. If you can't communicate you really don't have a chance at a happy and fulfilling relationship.

I would like to add that my ex-boyfriend and I are still very good friends. We talk to each other at least once a day. He is a sounding board for me and vice versa. I guess we're just better friends than lovers.

Good Luck.

TreeLover.

 
Old 12-04-2008, 01:32 AM   #9
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Re: Gf lost her mojo.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SoulCinder View Post
yeah she is on birth control, she takes an injection every 2 months or so.

so you think maybe its the birth control ? Trouble is, she used to get really really bad period pains, where sometimes she couldnt work cause she double over in pain. I dunno what she can do
Yes, it absolutely could be causing her lack of sex drive, especially if prior to taking it she didn't have a problem in that area. I don't know the name of the shot she's on, but here in the States, it's called the Depo Provera shot and it's given every three months. Besides loss of libido, it can also cause depression. Like treelover, I suggest she seek out an alternative form of birth control. There are many other forms out there that can relieve a painful period yet not affect her in the same way that the shot may be.

Last edited by kittywitty; 12-04-2008 at 01:38 AM.

 
Old 12-04-2008, 09:42 AM   #10
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Re: Gf lost her mojo.

Thankyou both for you're replys.

I guess i shall just see how it goes. I will ask her to try a different birth control. I did say this before, but she has been on it for many years and never had the lack of libido this bad, only after her ex husband it started to be bad.

I will post here if i get stuck, or lost, or both again

You all have been very helpfull, and i am glad you and ur ex are still friends.

Be back soon i expect hehe.

 
Old 12-20-2008, 07:34 PM   #11
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Re: Gf lost her mojo.

If it has not improved by now, it never will. My advice would be to amicably break up. Your headed for a lifetime of this problem if you stay with her.

 
Old 12-23-2008, 08:37 AM   #12
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Re: Gf lost her mojo.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1098 View Post
If it has not improved by now, it never will. My advice would be to amicably break up. Your headed for a lifetime of this problem if you stay with her.
Well i did try speak about it, but all she said lets wait till after christmas. so i guess i am waiting till after xmas to speak about the problem. it is rather annoying though.

 
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