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Old 01-17-2009, 09:50 PM   #1
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My boyfriend orgasm's really fast!

Hi all, hopefully someone here will have a bit of advice for me. Bluntly put, my boyfriend of 2 years orgasms really fast every time we have intercourse. I think the most we have ever gotten was maybe 5 minutes of actual thrusting before he ejaculates. Our sex life isn't terrible because he is skilled in other areas and we have lengthy foreplay, but this problem is starting to really bother me. At first I thought it was just because we were a new couple, and it would get better with time. It really hasn't at all, and it's been 2 years. Because of it we have a pretty bland sex life, and I am starting to lose interest. He is a great boyfriend- the best I have ever had! I don't even want to think about breaking up with him over something so superficial, but it is changing the way I look at him a little. Because of it he is less sexually appealing to me, and sometimes it feels like we are just best friends. I don't want this to be the case, but I have no idea what to do about it, or why it is the way that it is. He is 32, and has plenty of experience/partners in his life. He definitly knows what he is doing, but he can't hold it in. He was in a pretty severe car accident when he was 18 that damaged his intestines a bit, but he has fully recovered. I wondered if this may be the cause, but I think that he would have told me if this was related to his accident. He is an avid climber, vegetarian, and a very fit/healthy person.

My friends have told me to discuss it with him, but even though we can talk about anything else in the world, I just can't bring myself to talk about it with him. I don't want him to become self concious or feel inadequate. I worry that it would really make him feel bad. I also wonder if he even realises that it's not normal to last for such a short period of time?? Please help!! I need advice!!

 
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Old 01-18-2009, 12:29 AM   #2
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Re: My boyfriend orgasm's really fast!

You should really talk to him about it. A LOT of men have this problem. Interestingly enough I've been having the same problem recently. I used to be able to go forever but lately I've just been getting way too excited when having sex so I tend to not last long. What I do is that I'll stop for a few seconds and then go again and then stop and then go. I can also find this spot that won't stimulate me that much so I won't want to orgasm. There are also climax-delaying condoms out there. My girlfriend and I have recently started having sex without condoms and the feeling is way more intense and makes me want to orgasm even more. My advice to you is to talk to him about it and possibly check out those condoms. I've never tried them myself but if this continues, I will. Good luck!

 
Old 01-18-2009, 07:51 AM   #3
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Re: My boyfriend orgasm's really fast!

Thank you so much for responding so quickly!
So, the million dollar question: How do you tell a guy he doesn't last long enough?? What if it is related to his accident, so it isn't fixable or temporary?
He seems to know all of the tricks, which is why it is still decent in spite of how fast is goes. He'll go, and then stop and go down on me (which he is very skilled at), and seems to do everything in his power to prolong it. I'm sure that's why I have dealt with it for so long without a lot of complaint. Unfortunetly for him, I'm a girl that is all about the actual sex. I would choose a good 30 minutes of sex over even the best head any day. When he is penetrated, the thrusting is really weak since he will go even faster if he goes hard. Because of this, I think we have had sex in only 3 different positions, and we have been together for a long time! I suppose I can't expect to have my cake and eat it too though. My previous boyfriend of 3 years was amazing, and we were a good fit sexually. He had a monstrous sex drive, and could also last longer than I even wanted him to sometimes.

I don't want to compare them, because every guy is different. I feel like there has to be a happy medium between the 2, and where I am at right now I am very unsatisfied. I'm a pretty sexual person, but I'm slowly losing my drive because it just isn't that appealing.

We may be willing to try condoms, but neither of us like them at all. It diminishes the sensation for me, and they are just such a pain in the neck. I am willing to try whatever though. It's just a matter of finding a way to talk about this without ruining his self-esteem or making him feel self concious about not lasting long enough. It would be a really crappy thing to hear. I would feel really bad if someone told me that I wasn't satisfying in bed- especially if it was something that I didn't really have any conrol over.

 
Old 01-18-2009, 03:58 PM   #4
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Re: My boyfriend orgasm's really fast!

Well In all honesty, it is normal to ejaculate fast.

I think we are designed to ejaculate fast. But we try not to.

And sometimes it is harder than others, just the way it is, depends on mood, location, excitment. many things.

But you should Speak to him about it.

You dont have to tell him he is not that great in bed, Instead try telling him that you wish to have penatrative sex for longer than what you are having now, i am sure he would understand, Because foreplay is just half of it.

Last edited by SoulCinder; 01-18-2009 at 04:13 PM.

 
Old 01-18-2009, 04:16 PM   #5
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Re: My boyfriend orgasm's really fast!

Get him off right away then have intercourse twenty or thirty minutes later.

 
Old 01-18-2009, 04:27 PM   #6
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Re: My boyfriend orgasm's really fast!

If this is a deal breaker for you then for heavens sake talk to the man. After two years you should be able to talk to him...I have to say though 5 min of thrusting after a lot of foreplay is pretty darn good at 32!(how old are you?). Perhaps you are being unreasonable? From what you describe it sounds like he is a great lover so how long do you want him to go..and what is it that you are not getting out of this?

 
Old 01-19-2009, 10:19 PM   #7
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Re: My boyfriend orgasm's really fast!

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnD View Post
If this is a deal breaker for you then for heavens sake talk to the man. After two years you should be able to talk to him...I have to say though 5 min of thrusting after a lot of foreplay is pretty darn good at 32!(how old are you?). Perhaps you are being unreasonable? From what you describe it sounds like he is a great lover so how long do you want him to go..and what is it that you are not getting out of this?
Maybe my girlfriends and I have been fortunate in our lovers? I have been describing the situation to my close girlfriends, and they all seem pretty suprised. None have them have experienced anything like it, and neither have I. I'm looking for at least 15 minutes of intercourse, different positions, some exploration, a little fun. I've never slept with a man where that wasn't an option. It's not satisfying to me at all. As you said, he's not necessarily a bad lover, but not a good match to me. That could possibly be fixed, but the pe is like the icing on the cake. Our sex life was a little rough from the start though, and I suppose I should have seen it coming sooner. It was well over a week between our first time and are second time sleeping together. I was baffled! Most new relationships I have been in we were like jack rabbits for the first couple of monthes. It was a good 6 monthes with him before we were sleeping together consistently (like once a week). It's especially odd because he seems perfectly content with the situation. How does he find 5 minutes of missionary position once a week good? I am less able to do good things for him because it's over before I would ever get a chance. I feel like we aren't a good match sexually. It's a pretty hard cold truth. I'm not really sure what to do with this realization.

 
Old 01-29-2009, 10:37 PM   #8
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Re: My boyfriend orgasm's really fast!

You should have him try de-sensitising cream. If this is no good....

Another option which is sure to work is a low or standard dose of an SSRI like 10/20mg of Citalopram. This will take about 8 weeks to reach its potential. Try 10mg and give it a couple of months and if no good try 20mg. You do need to be patient, however the weeks and time in general does fly in pretty quickly!

I think these work by inhibiting Nitric Oxide in the brain which is a pre-cursor to orgasm in I believe both sexes. In turn the gential area won't be over sensitive and it will take longer to climax.

There is a possibility that SSRIs will cause the opposite problem but it may well be worth a try as life is all trial and error anyhow

 
Old 01-30-2009, 05:10 PM   #9
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Re: My boyfriend orgasm's really fast!

If he is just ejaculating one time a week, no wonder he can't last any longer. Actually, the average time of thrusting for intercourse is around 5 minutes, and lasting even that long can be difficult. You may be having all sorts of fun, but the guys are often struggling with non-sexual thoughts so as to delay orgasm to keep their women happy.

More frequent sex should help. Or have him ejaculate early, then go a second round a few mintues later after some rest (or he can be doing oral on you while he recharges). He should be able to last longer the second time.

 
Old 02-18-2009, 06:19 PM   #10
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Re: My boyfriend orgasm's really fast!

Maybe it could be the accient that he had because probblay when he has been with other partners maybe they didnt really mean much 2 him and maybe he thinks your the right 1 just need to be patient talk to him not about maybe he knows deep down not last long does he say much when he Orgasm's to quickly maybe hes afraid to say something incase he upsets you its happened to me in the past like maybe talk to him first though maybe he can change or get something to help last longer

 
Old 02-19-2009, 12:36 PM   #11
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Re: My boyfriend orgasm's really fast!

The amount of time I can go seems to depends on all kinds of factors...but, most of the time I can't last a real long time if there's lots of thrusting involved.

My girlfriend likes to be on top and I seem to do best in that position too so it works for us. Often she is having a great time yet actually moving so little that I can last way longer than I would otherwise.

 
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