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Old 02-24-2009, 06:27 AM   #1
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I want anal sex, she doesn't

i just need some advise. my wife and i have been together for 13 yrs and over the past 2-3 years i have become interested in anal sex with her. up until 6 mos ago i kept it to myself. what brought the cat out of the bag was one day when going down on her i rubbed a finger over her anus and she seemed to like it. over the next couple of times having sex i would purposly rub a finger give a lick so on and so forth. she seemed to love it. i thought great. i still never came right out and said that i wanted anal sex. she got to the point were she would put my hand on her anus telling me what she wanted(unspoken of course) well i couldn't take it anymore and i wanted anal sex. (buy no means try and force her)i would now at this point let it "known" unspoken and i got barked at. let it go for a while and realized that i really wanted this. got barked at a second time and decided that I should say something. well i did and it didn't go in my favor. she loves the anal play she says but absolutley under no circumstances will i get in there. now from alll the research i have done anal sex can be a bad experiance or it can be great. i don't want to hurt her in any manner but i just feel she should be a little more reseptive to it. she says that it hurts and i'm not the first person that has tried this with her. one time she did let me put it in and that didn't last long. i was uneducated. minamal lubed and i just pushed in. she keeps saying we have tried and i tell her i went about it all wrong. i just want to bring our sexual experience to the next level. i have done everything, let her know she would be in control. i just want to see where it would go a little farther each time. she loves the play and i can't lie it is a turn on for me too. if i took all the right steps and she was enjoying it lets see where it would go but no your not putting it in there. she says now that she can't look at me in the same way when we are having sex. afraid that if she does something that i might think she wants anal sex, she wants to do all the same stuff but i can't put it in their she said. i agreed that i won't try but i am upset. i think that this could be one of the most sensual things and she is the only women i would want to do it with

 
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Old 02-24-2009, 09:39 AM   #2
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Re: I want anal sex, she doesn't

If you want anal sex from her, allow her to perform anal sex on you. Get a ***** with a flared end so that it can't be lost. Once you demonstrate to her that you are willing, she may change her mind. Otherwise, the bad memory from the ill-prepared first attempt will be forever in her mind, and you can't force it out. If she enjoys anal play on you, and you enjoy it as well, she may be more receptive to another chance. If you decide you can't take it, well, then, you should understand where she is coming from, and stop pushing the issue.
Other than that, you could seek it outside of your marriage. This, I would not advise.

 
Old 02-24-2009, 12:06 PM   #3
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Re: I want anal sex, she doesn't

If you keep pushing her she's liable to just cut out the anal play entirely since it creates too much temptation and teasing for you to handle. There is a big differance between a little or light anal play and anal sex. Just because she's tried it before with others as well as you doesn't obligate her in anyway. She has said "NO", just because it's a woman saying it doesn't mean it's negotiable! Why can't you respect that and honor your wife as she was created, not exploit her against her design for your pleasure. Some people like anal sex, most do not. The potential risk factors involved certainly indicates that it's not the safest thing people choose to do to each other and it most definantely indicates that you don't really love your wife nor do you respect and honor her as a woman either.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-24-2009 at 01:49 PM. Reason: Unnecessary comments deleted.

 
Old 02-24-2009, 01:29 PM   #4
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Re: I want anal sex, she doesn't

I think no should be no. If you don't enjoy something, I shouldn't try and force it on you.
Like it's been said before, will you let her try anal sex with you? Penitrate you? Even if so, you should respect her wishes and enjoy all the other things that pleases her. If you can't handle the but teasing that she likes, then tell her so and stop the teasing all together. Otherwise, continue doing what she likes!

 
Old 02-24-2009, 01:45 PM   #5
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Re: I want anal sex, she doesn't

She told you she's tried it (both with you and others) and it hurt her. I'm not clear on, "she should be more receptive." She is being very receptive. She's tried anal sex, and it it hurt her. She loves the anal play. This is her rectum, after all, that we're talking about, right? Why not do things to HER rectum that SHE enjoys?

Like another poster pointed out, if you're so interested in anal penetration, let her penetrate you with a toy. If you want to see it, prop up a video camera while she's doing the deed so you can watch and enjoy later.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-24-2009 at 01:47 PM. Reason: Please post in a polite and helpful manner or move on. Unnecessary comments deleted.

 
Old 02-24-2009, 01:50 PM   #6
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Re: I want anal sex, she doesn't

I totally agree...YOU first! then see if you enjoy it or if it hurts or what you would need to do to do it without pain. However, the final word is what she wants...but first you need to have it done to you(whether you want to or not)!

 
Old 02-24-2009, 02:10 PM   #7
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Re: I want anal sex, she doesn't

Tell her nicely that you will be ever so gentle and very very slow. Lots of lube the whole think. I gave it a shot because my man was sorta interested in trying it and I so very much trust him. Let me tell you I am so very happy that we did, because after the first little bit of pain it is the most amazing orgasm I have ever had. I think I have had just about every kind. Don't get me wrong I'm not some kinky sex kittem, just the opposite, I can be a very shy prude. But it can be a very wonderful experience but she has to be able to trust u and relaxe. But if she REALLY does not want to you have to respect her choice.

 
Old 02-24-2009, 05:57 PM   #8
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Re: I want anal sex, she doesn't

Seems like the more she says no, the more you want to do it. I really don't know that you will gain extra sexual pleasure from it. The anus is tighter but not typically as deep, and you may have to go slow which may inhibit your own orgasm, so it might be that you are thinking it will be much greater than it really will be for you. You can see if she is willing to try some smaller diameter sex toys and gradually work up to a larger size but I am afraid the mere suggestion will be upsetting to her.

I am not sure that offering to be penetrated yourself will be all that helpful, unless you find it enjoyable yourself. And, even if you do, that still does not mean she will find it enjoyable - it will simply be something that she will do to you to make YOU feel good.

Maybe just let the issue die for a while. Maybe someday she will bring it up and try it, given that she has tried it before. But, the more you ask, the more she is likely to keep saying no. If you have a larger sized penis, though, it can indeed be painful.

 
Old 02-25-2009, 08:53 PM   #9
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Re: I want anal sex, she doesn't

i was the same way for 5 years with my current fiancea i was scared but make her feel coomfterable and go slow let her lead, she might end up loving it, from personal exp i do now sometimes lots lots lot of lubrication

 
Old 03-09-2009, 10:04 AM   #10
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Re: I want anal sex, she doesn't

Tommy said it Inhguy, let her penetrate you anally like you want to penetrate her. That will educate you more than anything.

I believe also, whoever wants anal and considering it, it's something that whomever MUST be ready for, mentally and physically. Practice is necessary. Your system must be clean and totally empty. The natural response when something is inserted in the anus is to clamp the powerful anal muscle, just like during the natural use..

I can't emphasize enough that the anal canal, for at least 10 inches in, must be clean and empty. Imagine if it's not and something starts pushing what's there backwards. Excruciating pain.. I believe that's a big reason why so many have very negative anal experiences.

I've never had a penis is my anus, but believe if what I've suggested is carried out, it will make the experience much easier and pleasurable.

-h

 
Old 03-09-2009, 04:06 PM   #11
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Re: I want anal sex, she doesn't

Just an FYI, there's a really big difference between the kind of stuff you've already done to her and full-fledged anal sex. Just because she likes the one doesn't mean she'll like the other. You shouldn't assume they are the same. And if she doesn't want to do it, there's not much you can do to make her change her mind. Instead of forcing it why not just have a normal adult conversation about it? You're married, you should be having an open communication anyway about everything and anything. This should be one of those topics which you can freely discuss without it turning into an argument as long as you don't turn all jerk on her like most guys have a tendency to do when they don't get what they want.

 
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