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Old 03-09-2009, 01:51 AM   #1
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trala HB User
Can't orgasm ever!

I've been researching this problem for a while. I am 21 years old. I lost my virginity to my current boyfriend about nine months ago and I have yet to orgasm. He is very attentive and we've tried a lot of different things. I'm very comfortable having sex and with my body. I am unable to orgasm through masturbation as well. I have tried different positions and means of arousal including music, pornography and just overall physical attentiveness. I know what an orgasm should feel like (or I know what happens when someone orgasms) and have not experienced it. I usually use one finger in my vagina and the other hand for clitoral stimulation. I do get very intense feelings. My vagina tightens up and it takes little movement to keep this feeling "going". I've heard orgasm sometimes feels like you have to pee at the beginning (and I feel this) so I try to relax my kegal muscles. I have done this many times and usually don't think about it. I try to clear my mind. Most of the time what ends up happening is the great feeling subsides and my clitoris becomes extremely sensitive to the point where I would rather stop than touch myself any longer. I have tried a couple of times to keep going, but nothing happens. I am not pressured to orgasm but it would be wonderful. Can someone help me out? Am I close to orgasm? Do these "symptoms" sound familiar? Thanks!

 
Old 03-11-2009, 08:47 PM   #2
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littleblondie HB User
Re: Can't orgasm ever!

I was in the same situation for a loooong time, but I never really successfully masturbated until about 6 months ago when i finally just had enough and bought a vibrator. My advice - buy one. They are magical. (be careful not to turn it up too high though! I did and wasn't able to have sex without cringing in pain for two weeks after! test it on your nose - if it makes your eyes water and feel like you're about to sneeze, it's too much for your clitoris to handle)
Anyways - vibrators. I got so much more aware of myself after orgasming for the first time and was finally able to really give my boyfriend the right advice. From what you're describing now, you're kind of orgasming (sensitivity does occur after orgasm, it's part of the orgasm actually), it's just not reaching its full potential yet.
Try girl on top and just ride him to your heart's content too! That'll give you the G-spot orgasm rather than the clitoral orgasm. That one will definitely make you feel like you have to pee, but it's rare that you will unless your boyfriend is really hitting it hard.

 
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Old 03-11-2009, 10:39 PM   #3
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trala HB User
Re: Can't orgasm ever!

I did think one time that I might be orgasming but there really isn't any release of the tension. It just ebbs away. Plus I just get tight-I don't really shake or anything...it just feels pretty good. Could it be like you said that I'm having a VERY mild orgasm? Do I have the potential for a better one? I'm a little apprehensive about buying a vibrator because I'd love to orgasm without one. I'm not sure if I'd be able to orgasm without clitoral stimulation though. Thank you for your reply. I'm so confused because I thought I knew my body enough to at least have a normal orgasm by myself. One more thing...I only get those really good feelings once I've been having sex or masturbating for a while, then suddenly it feels really good so I continue stimulating myself...then it starts to ebb away...so this does sound like an orgasm huh?

 
Old 03-12-2009, 12:52 AM   #4
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spiro9210 HB User
Re: Can't orgasm ever!

Although, I am a guy, I am going to offer some advise. Yes, I couldn't orgasm too even during masturbation in private. My penis would be limp at times. The problem however wasn't a medical issue. It was all mental. However, to overcome this. I did one of two things. I stayed off masturbation for longer periods at a time, or I masturbated more often using porn . But I ran into a major problem. Our bodies like to conform to things, and you won't believe it! Pleasure is one of them. If you use porn or a certain mode of stroking to climax, your brain remembers only that mode of reaching orgasm if you're not experienced enough in sex. Therefore, you may find yourself able to reach orgasm during masturbation and not during sex! I was in your exact situation until I found a woman who was patient enough to wait several months before I reached orgasm. Before that, she felt everything was her own fault, and she wasn't attractive enough.

My advise to you is not to worry about it. Forget about it! I know it sounds hard to comprehend, but it works. However, you better not make these mistakes if you plan to keep your man.

1. Never make him feel insecure in regards to your inability to orgasm
2. Try as much as possible to initiate sex whenever the both of you feel aroused.
3. Forget about orgasm during sex, and try to enjoy yourself. Think about the different parts of his body that you find sexually attractive whenever your mind starts to drift.
4. Try to talk dirty while you think about him. It will help you relax and enjoy the sex. Tell him where you like it.
5. Share the sex by bringing half the focus to yourself.
6. Find ways to lengthen the sex without inconvenience. You never know; you might be a marathoner and not know it.
7. Once you orgasm for the first time with him, you should try to make sure you can orgasm in the same position that he likes to orgasm or vice versa.

Last edited by spiro9210; 03-12-2009 at 12:58 AM.

 
Old 03-28-2009, 05:58 AM   #5
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zelder HB User
Re: Can't orgasm ever!

my situation is kinda the same..except i can orgasm through clitiral stimulation but by my self and its great! but i have been having sex for the past 3 years and no orgasm through actual sex i have also tryd everyting..the only way i even come near to one is by me masterbating my ****..which gets kinda boring, iv dated guys with over average sized penis aswell and if that didnt reach my G spot then i dunno what would.. i just feel nothing during sex..got to a point know where im starting not to bother...which is really anoying as its just frustrating me more but i dont know what i can try now

 
Old 03-28-2009, 03:51 PM   #6
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Leo46 HB User
Re: Can't orgasm ever!

My wife has the same issue; i.e., she rarely if ever orgasms during regular intercourse. However, she always responds and almost always orgasms to my oral and manual stimulation of her clitoris, immediately after which I enter her and then she continues to orgasm repeatedly as we make love. I recommend you discuss this with your boyfriend and explore with him other ways that he can first bring you to an orgasm. BTW, we have had very good success using gels during my manual stimulation of her. Good luck.

 
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