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Old 06-17-2009, 12:51 PM   #1
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Boyfriend would rather materbate than have sex it seems...

Am i boring to him? Do i just have too high a sex drive?

I have completely had enough of this situation. I know it is normal for men to masterbate, that's fine, but it makes me very angry because a. i don't get enough sex b. the sex isn't very good c. he lies about it d. he masterbates to women who he says he finds 'disgusting' (Blonde trashy types and young schoolgirls.) and photos of women he is friends with!

I have a nice slim body, stylish, quite attractive, in my early 20s, am not adverse to various forms of negligee - i'm not christina aquilera but i make the effort.
I have a very high sex drive and while i enjoy masterbating it is nothing like as fun as sex, i don't ask for sex more than four times a week although i could probably manage three times a day, what i get is maybe 1x a week, and I am always wanting to try new things but my boyfriend is boringly vanilla, no roleplays, not role reversals, not sensual massages and long build ups, not even toys really...i'm bored! I don't tell him that of course, just suggest things. In bed, he always says he wants to 'please' me and seems disappointed that i don't enjoy his manual attentions (i just don't) yet he sends mixed mesages because when he's pleasing me he seems bored, his mind elsewhere and wile we do kiss/gaze whilst having sex, he closes his eyes when he's building up to orgasm...fantasising about something else? He only seems satisfied if i have an orgasm like that's the whole point of sex and while this should be a good thing it just seems like joyless perfunctory sex, and he only ever seems to focus on pleasing me like it's a job he has to get out the way! (that's how i see it anyway though he says he really enjoys it.), even when i tell him i'm perfectly happy if he doesn't (heck, i'd like to feel dominated and 'used' now and then! And i love quickies, anywhere,) so if the problem is the stress of pleasing me then why does he just not?? He never initiates. I ask him all the time 'what can i do to please you?' and he says, nothing, he's perfectly satisfied. I'm so frustrated! He knows he can ask me for anything he likes, so why doesn't he if that's the problem? And why would he rather masterbate at 3am to porn when there is a semi-naked woman in the room next to him? He knows i don't get enough sex but he says 'you can play with the *****' but i don't really enjoy it, i love the two-wayness of sex! I hardly bloody see the man as it is and we live together. I even have to stop my eyes wandering to other men recently though i would never be unfaithful, i'm just so irritated by this behaviour. I don't stress him about it, in fact, he probably doesn't know quite how annoyed i am. If he does initiate sex on occasion it is only because he can sense i'm ****** off at him about something or more spontaneously if i've been out with male friends.

To make matters worse, recently when i've initiated sex he's actually faked orgasm...then gone off and masterbated, as if i didn't know! I'm sick of it. I say 'did you ***' and he just says of course he did.

I wouldn't have a problem with his masterbation if i felt I was being satisfied. But i'm not, not at all!!! I've told him and he says he 'doesn't masterbate' and has a 'low sex drive' - he masterbates every single time i leave him alone in the house! We used to have sex every day when first going out. Sick of it, really sick of it. I'm even starting to get paranoid he's going to take the porn to the next level and cheat on me, in which case i'd love to know so i can leave him as he cheated on his wife when she was pregnant before running off on her (not for me! lol) - but we all thought he'd grown up since then.

Anyway. What of the masterbation issue? What is going on here?

What do i need to do to get attention - deny him sex?? Move out? I don't want a life playing games, i want to know my partner wants me as much as i want him.

Last edited by Annoluce; 06-17-2009 at 12:58 PM.

 
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Old 06-22-2009, 03:12 PM   #2
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Re: Boyfriend would rather materbate than have sex it seems...

If you're unhappy, you should have a thorough talk with him. If you've done this a few times and still not getting change, then maybe you should leave him and find a more sexually energized partner. I could understand this being difficult if you find there's more to this guy you're attracted to than his physical attributes, things that you think would be difficult to find in another guy.

 
Old 06-23-2009, 10:38 AM   #3
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Re: Boyfriend would rather materbate than have sex it seems...

I don't get what your man's problem is at all. The fact that he'd rather masturbate to photos than be with you speaks volumes I think. As for faking an orgasm and THEN going off on his own, that's just appalling.

It sounds for all the world like he's just not that into you or is more happy in his fantasy world of women he supposedly doesn't like. You said he even masturbates to photos of women he's friends with. I mean WHY do you even tolerate that? Really, WHY? He should be all over you like a rash if you'll pardon the expression The guy's quite obviously got a problem, not to mention a total lack of passion or OOMPF!

Denying him sex isn't going to make any difference because he's just not interested in sex with you anyway so he won't miss it. You want to know he wants you as much as you want him, but the writing's on the wall: he doesn't!

As you said you hardly see him it does perhaps sound as if the relationship in general may be past its useful term. Perhaps he's just not willing to admit that he's lost interest. I don't know. What's the rest of the relationship like? If it's generally poor, and noting that sex isn't the be-all and end-all, I think you need to seriously re-evaluate how much more time you're prepared to invest in this man. It sounds like you're very frustrated. You could put him on the spot with full disclosure of your frustrations and see what he says... it could be that you're both ignoring the elephant in the room at the moment instead of ending things. It could give you the ammo you need (beyond what you've already got) to move out and find a more satisfying relationship.

Last edited by calmbloke; 06-23-2009 at 10:48 AM.

 
Old 06-23-2009, 10:43 AM   #4
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Re: Boyfriend would rather materbate than have sex it seems...

get rid of him.....this is his problem not yours.....
don't let it erode your self esteem....
there is nothing wrong with you.

 
Old 06-23-2009, 11:14 AM   #5
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Re: Boyfriend would rather materbate than have sex it seems...

Yes on second thoughts I'm done being diplomatic. This situation you're in is a waste of time. There are loads of loving guys out there who'd give their right arm - the one he probably uses most - to be with someone with as much passion and variety as you enjoy - ditch this boring w**ker and go find someone who wants a proper relationship!

 
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