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Old 06-21-2009, 07:35 AM   #1
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Question My girlfriend has lost all of her sex drive

First off let me say Hello to everyone as i am new here. I hope i will be able to get some good advise/insight as well as give some good advise/insight.

OK here goes,


I am 25 years old and my wonderful girlfriend is 24. We started dating four years ago and we are now living together. Now let me tell u a little bit about myself first. I'm a laid back, sappy and easy going guy. I bring my girlfriend flowers for no reason, give her back rubs and constantly tell her how beautiful she is. I love my girlfriend she keeps me sane and has helped me think better of myself. We are not engaged but have already talked about getting married and having children.

Now for the first year and a half that we started going out we had a healthy sex life. We had sex any where from 2 to 3 times a week and we both enjoyed that. But in the last two and a half years of our relationship her sex drive has died down to the point where we have not had sex for a good 5 months and another 5 before then. Now i know that sex isn't the MOST important thing in a relationship but i believe that i am correct in thinking that it is an important thing in a healthy relationship. Now without being judged as just another pig male i have to say its getting pretty hard to deal with this. When we do have sex it's almost like i have to beg or plead (which i do not like to do) and even then she does not seem to be into it at all. Her and i have talked about this problem between the two of us and she can never come up with an answer to why this has happened. When we do talk about it i try to voice my opinion with out making her feel bad.

This is beginning to mess with my self confidence also, i almost feel like i am ugly or unattractive to her or that she just doesn't want me in that way any more. She says that that isn't the problem and that its her but still its kinda hard to deal with ( u know me being a guy and having that weird male ego ). In our discussions we have talked about her going to the doctor to maybe get testing or figure out what might be wrong and if it is anything that we might be able to fix. She says that she should and will talk to the doctor, but its almost like she only says that to get out of the conversation because after we are done talking about it nothing is ever done about. Also before anyone says anything i know that she isn't cheating on me. Now again i have never cheated on a girl ever in my life but this is becoming harder and harder to deal with. ( god i hope i'm not sounding like a sex crazed boy friend ) I don't really know what to do any more, if anyone could please throw me some insight or some help it would be greatly appreciated.


Thank you in advance for any help u might be able to give me.
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Old 06-21-2009, 11:36 AM   #2
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Re: My girlfriend has lost all of her sex drive

You are fine, stop beating yourself up about it.

She claims it her, so time for a doctor visit. Make one for her and either go ahead of time and talk to the doctor or better yet, go with her and find out what's wrong -- because it obviously isn't normal.

This could be a very serious problem from heart disease/diabetes to a brain tumor. Tell you she needs to go for herself and for you; you can't marry a girl who won't consider your feelings in an important matter like this.

 
Old 06-21-2009, 01:03 PM   #3
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Re: My girlfriend has lost all of her sex drive

This might sound odd but maybe she's not that into you anymore.

 
Old 06-21-2009, 02:46 PM   #4
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Re: My girlfriend has lost all of her sex drive

Shattered -

Orion is right, she does need to go to the doctor about this and you going with her would be really supportive. Does she have any sexual thoughts or dreams/fantasies at all? If not, her testosterone is probably low. A simple blood test will tell her if it is or not. Is she on any kind of medications at all? Birth control pills and antidepressants both lower testosterone. I know this from my own personal experience and from research. I've even heard that blood pressure lowering meds can cause low libido. I don't have personal experience with that, though. Something else to consider, I just read recently that high cholesterol can lower the sex drive. Mine is high and I have very little interest in sex. By the way, you're not coming off as a jerk at all to me. You sound like a very caring and considerate guy who wants his girlfriend to be happy as well as him.

Last edited by kittywitty; 06-21-2009 at 02:55 PM.

 
Old 06-21-2009, 03:01 PM   #5
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Re: My girlfriend has lost all of her sex drive

Yeah she is on the depo shot and also she takes somas for a head ache problem that she has. So your saying that it could her birth control or possibly one of the other meds that she takes. OK well that helps. Ill have to find a way to make her fell comfortable enough to go to the doctor and talk about it with out pushing her to hard to go. Thank you so much for the insight and advice. hopefully we will be able to figure it out cause i really don't wanna lose her at all. It sounds sappy but "she completes me" again thanks for the help.
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Old 06-21-2009, 06:54 PM   #6
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Re: My girlfriend has lost all of her sex drive

Depo is a huge sex drive killer. It also can trigger migraines that are horrible to get through. I had one of the worst migraines of my life while on Depo. I also couldnt stand for my husband to touch me let alone think about sex. I was only on it for 6 months and learned alot in those six months. To this day I'm still paying for my time on that form of BC. I was on that back in 1996.
Getting her to her dr and having her look into other forms of bc should help her.
To help in talking to her about possibly switching bc do some research and show her the side effects of depo.
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Old 06-21-2009, 07:29 PM   #7
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Re: My girlfriend has lost all of her sex drive

You're quite welcome, Shattered. The headache med may have something to do with it. I don't know, I'm not familiar with it, you might want to research it. I do have to agree with Blastoff, though, that the problem most likely stems from the depo. She can look into other forms of birth control. However, keep in mind that they all can lower testosterone. Some are worse than others with this. It's an individual thing, too. What doesn't work for one person may just work for her. Although I've not heard of one person that liked the depo shot. My sister was on it and put on a ton of weight and absolutely hated it. Keep in mind, too, that birth control pills deplete B vitamins which can affect her mood, and in turn, her sex drive. Taking a good B complex vitamin usually alleviates any mood problems with the pill. Good luck to you two and I hope you all find something that works for both of you.

Last edited by kittywitty; 06-21-2009 at 07:37 PM.

 
Old 06-22-2009, 05:54 AM   #8
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Re: My girlfriend has lost all of her sex drive

Keep in mind, if it is a hormone imbalance type problem, then she doesn't feel into you at all and may not be able to make rational decisions. Hormones control a lot of thinking, not just sexual thinking. For example she may be having memory/concentration problems, or she may feel the need for self social isolation.

Certainly she may never get to the point that she feels comfortable going to a doctor and you will have to force the issue by arguing based on her health and your love for her.

Last edited by orion; 06-22-2009 at 05:54 AM.

 
Old 07-04-2009, 11:08 AM   #9
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Re: My girlfriend has lost all of her sex drive

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shatteredrifter View Post
Yeah she is on the depo shot and also she takes somas for a head ache problem that she has. So your saying that it could her birth control or possibly one of the other meds that she takes. OK well that helps. Ill have to find a way to make her fell comfortable enough to go to the doctor and talk about it with out pushing her to hard to go. Thank you so much for the insight and advice. hopefully we will be able to figure it out cause i really don't wanna lose her at all. It sounds sappy but "she completes me" again thanks for the help.
Hey man,
The depo shot can cause some women to have water retention and therefore put on weight. This could be bothering her and she might not be telling you. Weight conciousness can really take a blow to a womens self esteem, and effectively their sex drive plummets.
I have come to the conclusion that condoms are the answer to simplistic birth control.
Anyway, more personally, I feel for ya man, I've had this with a couple of girlfriends in the past and its just plain and simple a horrible experience because you really cant tell who is at fault.

In theory I could swap out the names and this would be he story of my ex-gf and I. It's uncanny.

Hope it all works out well.
Mikel

 
Old 07-04-2009, 11:14 AM   #10
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Re: My girlfriend has lost all of her sex drive

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Bee View Post
Hey man,
The depo shot can cause some women to have water retention and therefore put on weight. This could be bothering her and she might not be telling you. Weight conciousness can really take a blow to a womens self esteem, and effectively their sex drive plummets.
I have come to the conclusion that condoms are the answer to simplistic birth control.
Anyway, more personally, I feel for ya man, I've had this with a couple of girlfriends in the past and its just plain and simple a horrible experience because you really cant tell who is at fault.

In theory I could swap out the names and this would be he story of my ex-gf and I. It's uncanny.

Hope it all works out well.
Mikel
Looks like Depo is quite the killjoy. Apologies for repeating some points here, I hadn't read the comments.
m

 
Old 07-04-2009, 04:40 PM   #11
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Re: My girlfriend has lost all of her sex drive

My libido picked up immensely once I got off birth control pills. Maybe you should look into the fertility awareness method and use a condom or diaphragm on her fertile days. It has been working for me and my boyfriend for over a year now, no unplanned pregnancy.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-05-2009 at 02:49 AM.

 
Old 08-03-2009, 06:58 PM   #12
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Re: My girlfriend has lost all of her sex drive

Do you still suprise her? You'd be amazed how much us women love flowers, even just one, just to keep the relationship alive. I've been dating my boyfriend for 5+ years and I think we're on the end of the road. He doesn't do anything for me like he used to, he doesn't care that much about his appearance. Quite frankly, if we did break up, I don't know how he'd get a new woman. Are you going through the same thing? Are you two just so comfortable around eachother that you don't try to impress one another anymore? Does she act like she cares about you?

Good luck on the doctor appointment. It's scary for a woman to go to a doctor, male or female, and admit that she no longer has a sex drive for the man that she says she loves.

Whenever she gets the doctor appointment, be sure to get her a small token of appreciation, like a flower. It's because of you that she's going, so make it known that you appreciate her doing something that's embarassing.

 
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