My bf has been unemployed since February and the sex has dropped down to maybe 10 times all year and he is less passionate and almost acting unexperienced since the beginning. We moved in together after 2 months of dating and we act kind of like a good roommate pair, or best friends, always joking around, eating, lounging, rather than a romantic couple (I think his lack of romanticism has to do with the environment in which he grew up.) I've tried to end it with him and he won't let me. He says when we don't live together for a little bit, he will come around more in terms of sex and interest. He says I'm his woman, and he wants this to work, and me saying "I'm done" is just me being emotional. He says his body doesnt want to have sex. He doesn't want to make out or get touchy. I can't handle it! do you think he could be not letting me end this relationship because he honestly knows it will get better? or because he wants to be in control as to whether or not this relationship continues? i dont know what to do. I know that if I didn't love him I could say it's over and be done with it regardless of what he says back. But when I sit down with him and cry and tell him how unhappy I am that not only do we never have sex but he's not very nice to me or thoughtful and all these other things i have issues with, I honestly just want it to work.
I sense some kind of control when you say he won't let me end it with him, but I could be wrong. Perhaps he is really hopeful and knows that things will improve. Are you supporting him financially nowadays? This could make things even worse. A man is usually too proud to accept help from a woman. But is he actively hunting for a job, or simply waiting for someone to find him? And why is he not nice and thoughtful to you? That he is unemployed doesn't justify his treating you this way.
Perhaps much of sense of manhood is derived from his ability to work, and his unemployment has put a dent in his self esteem. It may be that he is feeling terrible about himself, so he is drawing inward. What does he do all day? do you think he is depressed?
Not having a job equals not having money equals not being able to provide towards housekeeping and taking you out and equals you paying for everything equals him getting depressed inwardly over the entire situation which is no good for the hormones, be you male or female, as it leads to a decrease in the libido which means very little to no sex.
If on the other hand he isn't interesting in working and wants to simply live a life of leisure, then of course he wont want you to split up with him as you are his meal ticket.
As i don't know him or yourself, i'm not qualified to say and can only guess, but i'd say if he were working, earning money, living a 'normal' life, things might be different.
I notice you guys moved in after only 2 months of dating. I know some people move in real fast, but sometimes it's too fast and it can be the undoing of the relationship and then him losing his job wouldn't have helped matters and just adds to the pressure.
He definitely does not want to be not working. He HATES being unemployed. He is always on the phone with recruiters, getting phone calls for interviews, updating his resume. He is trying very hard but nothing has happened yet. The field he is in is not making a lot of money right now. It does give me peace of mind hearing from guys that its possible to be so down in the dumps about not having a job. Women are very different. I would be depressed, but when my man is around, I would utilize the time to have fun and fool around. I'd say having lots of time for sex would be the only benefit to being unemployed LOL but I can see how this would bring his libido down. Thanks for the replies. We did move in quickly and could benefit from some time apart but in the 2 years that we have been living together we actually get along very well and seldom have arguments and when we do we always resolve them and go to bed happy. Will I marry him? I don't know but I can say that it has not been a bad living experience.
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