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Old 07-05-2010, 08:56 AM   #1
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Wife has low sex drive but masterbates often

Hello, I am 34 years old my wife is 30 and we have been married for 7 years together for 11 and have 2 children. We have had a good marriage and experienced the first low period in our marriage after our children like i'm sure a lot of couples do. Our children are 4 and 2yrs old. 2 years ago after our last child was born we made sure that we rekindled the relationship. Our marriage has never been better. We communicate great bicker here and there but rarely get into a big fight. Now onto our sex life. My sex drive is very high. I would like to have sex 2-3 times a week. Her sex drive is low so she claims and has compromised on once a week with the occasional twice a week. I'm cool with that. I masterbate once a day to deal with my sex drive. My wife I found out a couple of months ago uses her vibrator almost daily. When I tell her I would like to have sex more she says she cannot help that her sex drive is so low. I don't really understand how her sex drive is low if she masterbates 5-7 days a week. She can only have orgasms via **** not via intercourse. Now I have read plenty on the internet which would have answered this question for me however most answers I see to this question I have covered. I always make sure she is taken care of in bed first before me. I go down on her or use her toy with her. I would go down on her everytime we have sex but she says the orgasm is more intense with the vibe which I can understand so we do both. We live busy lives as she is a nurse and works 2 days a week 12hr shift so her sleep is messed up. Now, I treat her like a princess, I do all work outside the home, 80% of the cleaning and 100% of the laundry. We both work out often and both good looking people. I tell her how hot she is and show her the attention she should have. I have asked how many times she uses her vibe without me and she says once a week or so even though I know it's way more. I'm just wondering why she doesn't want to have sex more and she claims her sex drive is low but masterbates often? Is it because it's just easier to use her vibe by herself for 2min rather than go through all of the work of sex that will take longer, etc. Help

 
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Old 07-05-2010, 09:19 AM   #2
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Re: Wife has low sex drive but masterbates often

Hi, Jim,

I think you totally hit the nail on the head. It's easier for your wive
to use the vibrator and "get it over with" rather than have intercourse with you. I wish I had words of advice other than the fact that you have to speak with her about what you've mentioned here, but I think you're right on track.

Best wishes.

Sue

 
Old 07-05-2010, 09:45 AM   #3
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Re: Wife has low sex drive but masterbates often

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Originally Posted by braveheart226 View Post
Hi, Jim,

I think you totally hit the nail on the head. It's easier for your wive
to use the vibrator and "get it over with" rather than have intercourse with you. I wish I had words of advice other than the fact that you have to speak with her about what you've mentioned here, but I think you're right on track.

Best wishes.

Sue
Thanks I appreciate it.

 
Old 07-05-2010, 10:00 AM   #4
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Re: Wife has low sex drive but masterbates often

Your wife definitely does not have a low sex drive if she's using her vibrator. She's probably dealing with her drive like she would brushing her teeth - something to get over with. And this is totally unfair to you.

She probably won't got for it, but you could try suggesting to her that you be the keep of the vibrator for a while "until she gets her drive back". She's gotten lazy and maybe having to go without for a while will put things back in perspective for her. (That masturbation is fine, except when it takes away from the normal relations you'd be having with your partner, which in this case it is.)

Good luck.

 
Old 07-05-2010, 10:07 AM   #5
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Re: Wife has low sex drive but masterbates often

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Originally Posted by Thisby View Post
Your wife definitely does not have a low sex drive if she's using her vibrator. She's probably dealing with her drive like she would brushing her teeth - something to get over with. And this is totally unfair to you.

She probably won't got for it, but you could try suggesting to her that you be the keep of the vibrator for a while "until she gets her drive back". She's gotten lazy and maybe having to go without for a while will put things back in perspective for her. (That masturbation is fine, except when it takes away from the normal relations you'd be having with your partner, which in this case it is.)

Good luck.
That's exactly how I feel about. I understand that we don't have the time to have sex 7 days a week. So to say that I or her should not masterbate everyday would be wrong but if she does do it everyday but will only have sex once a week is where the problem is. Thanks

 
Old 07-06-2010, 10:22 AM   #6
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Re: Wife has low sex drive but masterbates often

I was in your shoes for three long years. My husband was masturbating everyday and told me that he just didn't have the drive to have sex, of course not if you use it during masturbation. So, here we are, good looking, educated married couple that masturbate daily and have sex once in a blue moon.It was sad..
I finally had enough and I said you know what when we use all the sex drive we have with each other, then I will accept the " I have low sex drive" excuse.
Masturbation is way easier than having sex. At the same time its selfish, you don't have to worry about your partner, you just have to satisfy yourself.

 
Old 07-07-2010, 02:19 PM   #7
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Re: Wife has low sex drive but masterbates often

Are you sure your wife is using the vibrator daily? Somehow, you're going to have to discuss this with each other (I know that can be difficult). You might start by asking if she feels that both of you are having sex as frequently as she wants. (Maybe her needs have changed.) If she says she doesn't want more frequent sex, you'll somehow (very delicately) have to find out why she prefers pleasing herself over intimacy with her partner. Is she tired, is sex painful, is she displeased with her body, does she have anger toward you that you're not aware of? If you can't get to the bottom of this yourselves, perhaps marriage counseling would help open these conversations. I wish both of you luck!

 
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