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Old 07-12-2010, 06:57 PM   #1
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MrsUnthinkable HB User
No sex has ruined my marriage

This is the first time I have been on this site. I hope someone can provide me with guidance on my very tough situation.

I've been married for over a year and I do not feel totally complete in my marriage. My husband is a cancer survivor and I have supported him since we dated. My husband's disability (I don't know if I should call this a disability) has prevented us to be intimate. We have not had sexual intercourse nor any sexual fullfillment I have desired. I don't hate my husband, I totally hate our situation. I'm jealous and envious of those that talked about their sexual relationships. I don't have anything to share, honestly. We cringe everytime we attempt any form of itimacy or listen to a song or watch a movie that involves any sexual activity. We have read, watch videos and talked to a counselor on alternate ways for intimacy. None of these methods have been successful. My husband has used sexual medications and shots-nothing has worked. He doesn't want to try anything on me..we hardly cuddle, kiss, massage, touch each other, etc...With his rejection and lack of communication, I am now completely numb, unattentative and unresponsive. The disappointment has been too great, I think we both have given up.

My husband is scheduled for outpatient surgery next week. I don't know how well this will turn out but as of now, we have no other options. If this surgery is not successful, I will want to walk away from this marriage. I have dreamnt of being with other men. I have never stepped outside my marriage but I am at a very vulunerable state and I don't know what to do to release this sexual frustration. I'm at my wits end. My husband is wonderful in many other ways, but when it comes to sex, I rather go elsewhere...honestly, my mind is going CRAZY...I jokingly say, man, I really wish I can get laid and for someone to blow my mind...I need just one organism, please (lol)!

I use to be a woman full of love, joy and peace and now I have turned into a depressed, bitter, sad person. I know God says he will give us only what we can bear, but I know in my heart, this is one test I can't bear. anymore....

 
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Old 07-14-2010, 08:00 PM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: MA,USA
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rbbb HB Userrbbb HB Userrbbb HB User
Re: No sex has ruined my marriage

Sorry to hear that things are not working or working out. Just as a clarification, what type of cancer survivor? Prostate? Also what do you mean by outpatient surgery where you said:

"My husband is scheduled for outpatient surgery next week. I don't know how well this will turn out but as of now, we have no other options." ????

I can't think of any post prostate cancer outpatient surgery that might help -- except perhaps some of the Venous Leakage surgical procedures I've read about.

One idea to try, although pretty ordinary, is a simple VED (Vacuum Erection Device). If your husband has had ED all along and nothing else has been working he should have been using one every day from the start to keep things from atrophying away.

Some people who use them like a plain old cheap sex shop model but I can't say if that is as good as a slightly more expensive (100 dollar range) model such as an Encore (Battery or Manual). I've used the battery model for about 1.5 years now and along with Osbon ergonomic rings has been pretty satisfactory for all our sexual needs.

It takes a little dedication to use them (the rings do cause some discomfort if they are to be effective) but it should be worth it I would think.

So, reply back with some more details. Better yet have your husband reply (but edit your post before you let him on here!).

laters...

 
Old 07-16-2010, 09:33 AM   #3
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Lily2005 HB User
Re: No sex has ruined my marriage

I hope the surgery will be successful.

 
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