Hi, I joined here in order to get some clarity on my situation with my boyfriend. I have been with him for a year and he now wants to move in together. I love him alot and our relationship is great, physically, chemically, we have an awesome sex life until very recently, like the last two weeks, His foot fetish is affecting our relationship badly,
I know that sounds selfish, but let me explain. I embrace his fetish. I film videos for him, I act out his fantasies (I am also a foot model ~ I have very pretty petite high arched feet, I have to keep them perfect because I have many photo and video shoots), I love the way he gets so excited from foot action and poses and sometimes just to mess with him I will streak sweaty footprints down his dashboard, or leave them on a marble floor right in front of him. Im not crazy about the fact that he needs to look at them to climax during sex cuz I feel like that should be our time to love eachother, soul to soul. But I dont complain about it too much.
So my problem is that I have caught my bf lying about alot of things, and I also have found out recently that his foot fetish is alot deeper than I knew. I recently found out that he likes to spy on womens feet in dressing rooms and he looks across the way and jerks off to their feet while they are changing. Hes even hired girls off craigslist to do it. He buys tons of foot porn, he even stopped on our way to our vacation at a rest stop and went in the rest room and jerked off to a foot porn video in the stall that he had made with his iphone.
We went on a vacation and I caught him on three different occasions stroking himslef in public, while looking at very young teen feet. He was also staring at ALL feet, kids girls, womens, old lady, guys, anyone with moving toes was fair game. After I caught him and we fought about it, he promised to stop and then he just got more secretive about it, like doing it inside his pocket, we watched Shamu at Seaworld and instead of enjoying the show with me he was pleasure stroking to the ladys feet diagonally accross from us in her flip flops!
I spoke to him about this and he promised he'd stop. He said he likes his fetish but that he realized that looking at teen feet is bad and so is touching himslef in public.
So now he wants to move in together, Im trying to get over the lies that Ive caught him in such as still talking and texting his ex's, getting girls numbers, lying to his mom about our relationship cuz she doesnt approve of me and he still lives at home (at 34yrs old). But those are other issues.
Just a few days ago, we went out to dinner and a lady was across from us, he was trying not to stare at her feet under her chair and he couldnt stop, it was crazy to watch. I didnt say anything to him about it, i was just hoping that his hand wouldnt go down the pants.
What I need to know is: Is this classic foot fetish behaviour? It seems extreme to me. He literally ejaculates to feet anytime anywhere. If thats a classic fetish I need to know because then the problem lies in me. But Id assume that a man can control his impulses. I mean guys dont generally see a pair of boobs and just start stroking himself in public, right? Does this mean hes a pervert? Is there a higher liklihood of cheating? Should I be worried? I really care about him alot and I dont want to move in with him only to face a heartbreak. Im trying to figure out if I should part ways and lick my booboos now. I respect that he loves feet, I love fulfilling his requests. I dont get bent when he looks at girls feet just passing by. Its the stalking staring, getting errections, touching himself, can not climax without feet, its infiltrating every part of our relationship, I just want to have like 3/4 of our relationship be non feet, I want to experience sex once in a blue moon with him climaxing to me not my feet, theres no balance here. Now, Im having a hard time climaxing because the connection is fading, I cant connect to someone whose on my toes the whole time, he stops kissing me to look at my feet.
Im very concerned. I cant expect him to stop it. He was born with this fetish, I assume. I love him, I dont want to change him, if he tries to stifle it, Im afraid it will all just combust sooner or later. He will not be happy, he will resent me, and probobly take it underground, considering his history of lying alot. I dont want to control him, I want to get an educated view of what I am dealing with so that I can make an informed decision on whether or not I can live with this for the rest of my life. Im very open to his needs, but some of this is bizarre to me. Please can anyone help me understand if this is normal harmless foot fetish behaviour or should I be worried? Thanks!
Thanks, I cannot say Im surprised. Its just that I am not an expert at fetishes and Im not sure if this is typical behaviour even though I think its clearly not,it just stinks that he doesnt even want to change to save the relationship
There's nothing normal about him masturbating in public. In fact, if he is seen by anyone, they could report him to the police and he could get arrested because it's against the law. Recently in the town where I live, a public official was reported by a truck driver who saw the guy masturbating in his car while driving down a busy street. The public official now faces charges and major public humiliation.
Your bf will eventually get caught and busted by the cops for that. While there's nothing technically wrong with a foot fetish in itself, it's the fact that he has allowed it to consume his entire life, which means it has become an obsession and therefore he needs major psychological help.
He is not normal, he is sick. I would not advise you to stay with him. He needs serious professional help before he gets arrested for masturbating in public.
Last edited by Mod-S4; 08-24-2010 at 06:22 PM.
RUN, DON'T WALK to the nearest E X I T!!!! You must be blinded by all the "Red Flags Waving In Front Of Your Face".
Come on now, you have to know that something is NOT RIGHT with him and/or the situation.
What she said.
Really, take this as a learning experience. You have to know this is not normal behavior in any way shape or form. You say you're upset that he doesn't want to save your relationship? After the fog clears, you will realize that might be the best thing about him.
You really need to give this some serious thought. Try to figure out where you went off into the ditch and were no longer able to distinguish between healthy and perverted. I'm not saying this as a mean thing. But this is so far from normal you shouldn't be asking about it, or concerned about saving it, but running like hell. So to keep this from happening again, give it some serious thought. The next time you might not be able to get out of the situation so easily.
Just saw this. I hope you're still checking this board.
As an early 30s male who shares the same fetish I can offer some insight. All of the people saying "run don't walk" really don't understand. He's not sick, just a very sexual man who's taking things a bit too far.
I did the same things as your bf for years starting in my teens. Exposing in public is a strong rush for guys who like feet - when the weather's good, they're everywhere!
I did some of the same things as your bf, even some crazier things. Then one day I just stopped. I didn't need therapy or a psychologist. The urge to expose just went away even though I still love feet and love seeing them. I think your bf might stop too. But first he'll have arrests, embarrassment, hopefully nothing worse. It's the price he'll pay. An understanding partner will help him get through these things.
I wonder how many other men would have the same situations if women were allowed to walk around topless? Simply put, your bf needs to learn how to control his urges. In time he could be okay.
Exposing in public is a strong rush for guys who like feet
Missionpossible, I have a foot fetish and also happen to enjoy exposing. I never saw the two as connected so I'd like to know why you think they are.
I mean, I have exposed myself but not while looking at feet and in any case I have never exposed myself in public, that's just dumb and it will get you into trouble sooner or later. The most I've done was to be "accidentally" caught masturbating by hotel room maids, it's a classic and they never seemed too surprised to be honest, it must happen to them all the time. I know it doesn't make it right, but at least you are unlikely to get reported to the police if you do your best to make it look like an accident.
To get back to the original post, Luvmyman:
As a foot fetishist myself I think I can add my own view on this. I love feet but what your boyfriend is doing is EXTREME even by my standards and I think you should give some serious thought to ending this relationship.
One thing you said though doesn't make sense to me: you say he is really secretive, yet you seem to know exacty what he gets up to. So in that case he can't be hiding it that well, or perhaps he is not really trying. Perhaps he gets a kick out of you knowing what he is doing, if you see what I mean. I don't share this with your boyfriend but I can imagine why he would do it.
It sounds like you have already tried to indulge his fetish and this hasn't changed things, so you have no cards left to play. Either you dump him, or you accept his fetish IN ITS ENTIRETY, public exposing included, even if it's inevitable that sooner or later he'll get himself arrested.
Also I wanted to reply to you after you commented on one of my previous topics which is now closed.
I did eventually come clean and told my wife about my office "foot fling". It really rocked our marriage for a bit - but we are still together. The good thing was that it made my wife realize how strong my fetish was. She hasn't completely forgiven me but I think she understands that my obsession for feet isn't just going to go away by ignoring it. And even if she indulges it, her feet alone will never be enough to satisfy all my fantasies.
We have now come to an agreement: I am allowed foot porn in my own private time and she also goes along with some of my fantasies that she never used to encourage. For example, she allows her feet to get very smelly and after a few days I'm treated to a night of sniffing. We then have intercourse and I let myself climax with her feet on my face. This works well for both of us because it means I don't just climax "to her feet", we are still having regular sex but my orgasms are simply enhanced by the smell of her feet. On hot days this can get very potent and I can honestly say my orgasms during sex are now stronger than anything I have experienced before, including my office escapades.
I feel that my fetish is under control now. I have a good feeling about my marriage, I really think we are going to make it.
I guess you have to find you own way to make things work with your boyfriend, but one thing is for sure: that public indecency thing has to stop right now!
It sounds really concerning. I would be afraid of being implicated if he gets caught.
I broke off an engagement with someone with a foot fetish years ago. He was not nearly as obsessed as your guy, but it did come between us. I was willing to play along somewhat, but it was too much. He was also into dress up and when the feet, shoes, and clothes are the central part, it makes you lose interest. My feelings changed and I had to leave. Thank God I did. I could never live that way.
There is probably little chance he would change unless he wants to change.
Give him one chance and one chance only to change. Tell him that he must change this behavior or you will leave. Tell him he can still do some foot stuff with you and at home, but not every time you are being intimate. If he doesn't change, then you should leave. He will probably, at that point when you leave, say he'll change and to prove to him you are leaving, make him wait a few weeks before taking him back. If you get back together, and he violates the terms, then leave and that's it. Done... It is NOT easy to leave the one you love, that is why you give them a chance. If he changes, it is for his best interest and yours. Good luck and get him to stop or leave. No buts about it!
At this point, I do not imagine it will be very long until you become completely sickened by his obsession, and loose interest all together. Hopefully this will happen before he gets arrested and way before you think of moving in with him. Once that sick feeling comes, it will be much easier to walk away on your pretty little feet.'
If when you started this thread you really weren't sure if this was really wrong or not, there should be no question now. I cannot see anything good for you coming out of this, and he will be free to lick who's ever toes he wants to. He could be pushing you to the limit to see how far you will go, with his illness in the drivers seat.