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Old 10-20-2010, 08:37 PM   #1
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how long is too long without sex with your husband?

o my husband is under a lot of stress, if not a little depressed because a close member of his family has been sick for the past year. I am also as stressed, but, I put effort in how i look, my body, "had a baby and look better than I did even before", just trying to look good and sexy..always walk around in sexy clothes etc...he just seems to uninterested in me sexually...and I do get days I get horny and just end up masterbating...he is 11 years older "closer to 40yrs", so is it low libido , depression? how long will be it be like that...I feel like with not intimacy our relationship turns more into a friendship...esp when having young children..i feel like there has to be sexual chemistry atleast..i know hes not taking care if himself physically, which could be a way of him dealing with his stress, but i dont think he cares to look attractive to me..hes gaining weight..drinks alot "smells of alchohol the next day" which isnt nice etc..

we've talked about it before, ive commented, he just gets more mad or defensive or blames me etc...what should I do?

 
Old 10-21-2010, 11:36 AM   #2
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Re: how long is too long without sex with your husband?

Yes, I agree he is too young to have lost most, if not all interest in sex.

It doesn't sound like he has a lover out there, so where is he supposed to find an outlet for his libido? Do you think he masturbates himself?

The problem here is that you have tried to talk to him, but he just doesn't want to listen. Maybe, whenever you raise the subject, he is reminded that he is suffering from ED, and he doesn't want to admit it.

Does he have a doctor? I guess that if I were you, I would have an appointment with hos doctor and share with him all your worries and concerns. This is not so much an intrusion into your husband's life... after all, he is your husband, and sex in marriage - or at least in the first years of a marriage - is a given.

Talk to his doctor, and the doctor may find a way od dealing with the apparent libido loss. He is a man, too, and a conversation between two men often works best than with one's wife.

 
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Old 10-21-2010, 11:58 AM   #3
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Re: how long is too long without sex with your husband?

Thanks for your reply...I'm pretty sure he did talk to his doctor about this...and I know for certain that hes under so much stress now, and dealing with a very sick and close family member that he is taking care of...my question is, can stress just erase someone's libido ? is it permanent? or once things start to settle down it will come back? I don't know if he masterbates..he's on the internet alot, for work and other..so maybe he does..or maybe he doesnt..he did gain a bit of weight, and he drinks more than 3 glasses at night, as well as smoke weed...I'm just worried that when and if all the stresses go away..we will never get our sexlife back...

 
Old 10-21-2010, 01:22 PM   #4
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Re: how long is too long without sex with your husband?

Hi, first thing,why does everyone suspect he has someone else lol? Dont get me wrong i am a man and i think you should give him some time to deal with his demons for awhile,he will pull out of it and go back to normal. I think you should still try to talk to him and try to have a one on one serious talk to see what he needs and what you can do to be there for him and go from there and if he is passing up on sex then get that man some help fast lol....I hope i helped out,didnt mean to be disrespectfull...Have a gread day hun
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Old 10-21-2010, 01:53 PM   #5
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Re: how long is too long without sex with your husband?

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Originally Posted by Gioparis View Post
Thanks for your reply...I'm pretty sure he did talk to his doctor about this...and I know for certain that hes under so much stress now, and dealing with a very sick and close family member that he is taking care of...my question is, can stress just erase someone's libido ? is it permanent? or once things start to settle down it will come back? I don't know if he masterbates..he's on the internet alot, for work and other..so maybe he does..or maybe he doesnt..he did gain a bit of weight, and he drinks more than 3 glasses at night, as well as smoke weed...I'm just worried that when and if all the stresses go away..we will never get our sexlife back...
Randol no one suspects that he is looking other places. It sounds like the stress of helping take care of the family member is getting to him. I took care of my mom for 2 yrs before she died and believe me it does take a toll. I know my wife would get upset when we did not have sex and frankly I was so tired and stress that was the farthest thing on my mind. I think this stress really has gotten to him if he is drinking more and does not care about his appearance. He have to find a way to get in some counseling with him. His stress will stop a man sex drive in its track and unless the man tries to do something about it it will become a new way for him.

I know this is stressing you out to and it will be hard to deal with from the looks of things. You are going to have to be strong. If you and him can go to counseling I think it would help.

Good luck.

 
Old 10-21-2010, 02:16 PM   #6
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Re: how long is too long without sex with your husband?

Dan, and i agree with you on whats the person is dealing with and going thru along with the stress but,i just saw sum disrespect twards that guy with assuming he is getting sex elsewhere,mabe he is,mabe its stress but thought was disrespectfull just to point it out, thanks Ps. read other comments and you will see what i mean Dan...
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Last edited by RANDOL; 10-21-2010 at 02:17 PM. Reason: Adding info

 
Old 10-21-2010, 03:05 PM   #7
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Re: how long is too long without sex with your husband?

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Dan, and i agree with you on whats the person is dealing with and going thru along with the stress but,i just saw sum disrespect twards that guy with assuming he is getting sex elsewhere,mabe he is,mabe its stress but thought was disrespectfull just to point it out, thanks Ps. read other comments and you will see what i mean Dan...
Not being disrespectful just made a statement. The guy is letting himself go and he is drinking and their sex life is going no where and he is stressing due to having to help take care of a family member. She is trying to help herself and husband. She is worried about how to get help for their marriage not that is he is doing something.

If I offended someone that was not my intent and do apologize if someone took it that way.

 
Old 10-21-2010, 05:19 PM   #8
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Re: how long is too long without sex with your husband?

I encourage you to stay by his side while you can see he needs your support...adding the pressure of not being able to satisfy his woman will only make the situation worse. He will be so grateful for your understanding, because YES...major life events can knock the libido out of anyone.

Find other ways of staying close, cuddle, watch movies, talk, When the time is right, he will be so secure with you and thankful for you that your relationship will grow stronger. I don't think there is a man on earth that would choose to have sexual problems, and of course it is not you. The less pressure you attach to sex, the more problems will arise from it. Men are very sensitive to this subject and even speaking about it can be very difficult for them.

This doesn't make things better for you in the short term, but since we are talking about your husband here, I would stand by him until he gets through this time in his life.

Last edited by writeleft; 10-22-2010 at 02:33 PM.

 
Old 10-24-2010, 07:26 PM   #9
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Re: how long is too long without sex with your husband?

Thank you everyone for your replies. I try my best not to bring it up..but its hard for me not to...I'm always dressed up, hair, nails, work out WHILE taking care of two young children which isnt easy..id rather be in sweats and just stay in bed...but i try..for him...i know stress can throw sexlife out of the window but we barely cuddle...he stays up so late and wakes up late...i stay up a little late just to be with him despite getting up early in the morning for the children..so I am tired...despite staying up with him..hes on his computer "working"...ive asked him if he can atleast give me 2 nights a week when we go to bed TOGETHER..watch a movie, or read whatever, just be in bed together..fall asleep next to him...im sick of being alone when im in bed...and i think if we are in bed together than that might lead to sex! he also doesnt get how having two different times in waking up and sleeping is not working...
i mean its been a year, i know its not easy but im his wife and he should put some effort...i could always initiate but i dont want him not to get hard then both of us will feel bad "this happened a few months ago:"

I just want to be close to him again...this really hurts..oh and forget about therapy...his drinking is his therapy it seems...im sure he thinks i should be more understanding...but its been a year..how long will this last?!no sex or intimacy, and ive talked to him about it...he just DOESNT want to deal with it....

 
Old 11-20-2010, 10:58 AM   #10
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Re: how long is too long without sex with your husband?

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Originally Posted by dan49 View Post
Randol no one suspects that he is looking other places. It sounds like the stress of helping take care of the family member is getting to him. I took care of my mom for 2 yrs before she died and believe me it does take a toll. I know my wife would get upset when we did not have sex and frankly I was so tired and stress that was the farthest thing on my mind. I think this stress really has gotten to him if he is drinking more and does not care about his appearance. He have to find a way to get in some counseling with him. His stress will stop a man sex drive in its track and unless the man tries to do something about it it will become a new way for him.

I know this is stressing you out to and it will be hard to deal with from the looks of things. You are going to have to be strong. If you and him can go to counseling I think it would help.

Good luck.
I think' you hit the nail on the head, WEED has an effect on things ie the mind along with beer, it sounds to me its out of your control, until he helps himself. if he does look at porn, maybe you could share it, very tactfully of course.

Good luck.

 
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