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Old 02-20-2011, 11:37 AM   #1
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wife rarely wants sex, wants help but no doc

i am 46, she is 45. together 9 years. never "kept track" before but we had sex most every day in begining. eventually, it turned to a few times a week or going a couple weeks with none. both of us had times where we just didnt want it and we both initiated sex equally. for past year and a half, she wants it once a month, and have gone 2 monthes a couple times. we have had many fights over this, bringing up subject usually ends badly. we get along great, the sex is great, but lack of sex and comunication is killing it. she just recently acknowledged problem but refuses to tell doc, she saw comercial for vaginal cream that increases desire and pleasure and told me i should get it for her. sounds like a step in the right direction but if she isnt horny, shes not letting me rub cream on her to get her there. there is zero problems when she wants it, she just never wants it. she is pre menapause and has thyroid problems, both effect this. are there products that actually work to restore her sex drive?

Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-20-2011 at 03:11 PM. Reason: Terminology.

 
Old 02-20-2011, 11:42 AM   #2
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Re: wife rarely wants sex, wants help but no doc

Quote:
she is pre menapause and has thyroid problems, both effect this.
I think you've identified the problem right there.
And there can be no real solution (other than her faking interest in sex and then being miserable during the act, which I'm sure you don't want), without seeing a doctor.

She probably needs hormone supplementation, and maybe thyroid medicine.
It is important she see a doctor for other reasons besides the obvious one (her loss of sex drive).
If her hormones are imbalanced, this can cause potentially chronic health problems.

Convince her to see a doctor.
Good luck.

 
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Old 02-20-2011, 11:57 AM   #3
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Re: wife rarely wants sex, wants help but no doc

she sees doc regularly (more often then she sees my ) they monitor her thyroid. doc told her years ago that her sex drive might decrease and to let him know and he could prescribe meds. went several years with very little problems but eventually she just quit wanting sex. she will not tell doc, and bringing it up will start a fight. i wont fight over sex. but dont want to be miserable either. i have severe arthritis in one wrist and other is starting to give me problems. 25+ years as a bricklayer or is it the year and a half of no sex?

 
Old 02-20-2011, 12:22 PM   #4
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Re: wife rarely wants sex, wants help but no doc

I think you should tell her the truth: tell her that her loss of interest in sex is affecting your quality of life, and the quality of your marriage.
Tell her that you understand it's not her fault and that you love her and support her... but that it could indicate underlying health problems, and so you can't support her refusing to see a doctor and get it treated.

If the tables were turned, she'd want you to go to the doctor.
Make her go.

 
Old 02-20-2011, 12:37 PM   #5
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Re: wife rarely wants sex, wants help but no doc

easier said than done. when i worked a lot, i wouldnt want it, and i would tell her not tonight, but if she asked again the next day, i did it for her. since i didnt really want it, i last much longer and she would have more orgasms. i NEVER made her go without for a whole week. she goes a month and has waited 2 monthes. she will not discuss with doc, will not have a "real" conversation about it and just makes comments about me getting her something to help. will not let it become a converstion past that

 
Old 02-21-2011, 07:18 AM   #6
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Re: wife rarely wants sex, wants help but no doc

OK, a couple of things here.

One, you could call her doctor and tell him what's going on and ask that he simply say to her that since lack of desire is common in women who have her conditions, he is giving her a prescription to use IN CASE IT SHOULD HAPPEN TO HER. That way, he isn't asking a question that can elicit a "no" response and she's getting the scrip.

Two, you can't get a scrip for her. She has to go get it so this is the way around that.

Three, the vaginal cream has to be used daily. It is not for right before iniating a sexual encounter so that method won't work.

Or lastly, you could go to the doctor with her but I have a feeling that wouldn't be well received by her.

Good luck! Get creative and find a way to help her!

 
Old 02-21-2011, 01:04 PM   #7
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Re: wife rarely wants sex, wants help but no doc

calling doc wont work, i call her my wife, but we never married. do the creams work? or any non presript pills? the reason i didnt rush out and buy the cream is i doubt she would use it until she was already horny. once in the mood, she needs no help, evan if the month long wait leaves me finishing quick, she still orgasms several times. then she is good for a month. i evan tried the selfish aproach and purposly finished extra fast so she would want it again, didnt work. like i said, when we are together, its always good. we just arent together enough. if i get her someting, anything and it doesnt work, maybe she will tell doc then.

 
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