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Old 05-18-2011, 07:16 PM   #1
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my boyfriend's fetish doesn't turn me on and I can't tell him please please help!!

Hi, this is my first post so it might be a bit rubbish ...
My boyfriend is a cross dresser who likes me to have anal sex with him, but with him as the recipent ... ( wish I could phrase this better!) I don't know what to do. I love him with everything that I am but I hate this, I hate being dominent. I was sexually abused whist growing up, and my abuser used to make me choose the what would happen. Having to choose now, he like having to choose then, it makes me feel so dirty, I just want to cry. When its just me and him ( not his alterego Amy) and we make love it just develpos naturally and it wonderful. He knows that I was abused, and I've told him that I don't really like it yet, but he loves it too much to give up, so I love and need to make him happy so I do it. but each time its worse I feel dirty inadequate and quite frankly it makes me want to be totally sexless, to be no gender. I love him, and I know he is inlove with me I see it in his eyes and the way he laughs and protects me. But Im stuck, lonely and don't know what to do.
Please help,
Beth xx

Last edited by liverkitty; 05-18-2011 at 07:17 PM. Reason: bad grammar

 
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Old 05-18-2011, 07:30 PM   #2
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Re: my boyfriend's fetish doesn't turn me on and I can't tell him please please help!

It was by someone, a friend of the family. We're both 20, been together for 2 and half years. Ps thanks for the quick reply xx from 7-14

Last edited by liverkitty; 05-18-2011 at 07:31 PM.

 
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Old 05-19-2011, 12:25 AM   #3
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Re: my boyfriend's fetish doesn't turn me on and I can't tell him please please help!

He cares more about his own gratification than he does about you and how you feel, how this makes you feel especially considering the abuse. If he really loved you he wouldn't enjoy himself knowing you were feeling dirty, inadequate and wanting to cry. He has no respect for you.

You should never do anything sexual that makes you feel uncomfortable, bad, dirty. If he can't stop asking you to do these things he KNOWS make you feel bad, then you should consider ending the relationship.

 
Old 05-19-2011, 01:44 AM   #4
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Re: my boyfriend's fetish doesn't turn me on and I can't tell him please please help!

I SYMPATHISE WITH YOU MY GIRL!
It is bad enough to come to terms with your abuse without having anyone reminding you of it.
Having said that, if he doesn't ask for this "too often" and if you think you can talk it over again and ask him to not want it, say more than once a month, or so, maybe you can put up with it????
On the other hand, if you feel uncomfortable in the relationship with this going on, the relationship will deteriorate anyway and you will not be able to hold on to it no matter what you do.
The question is, do you love him enough to last a little longer ? or you feel that you are coming to the end of your tether. Either way, you must make absolutely clear to him how you feel, AGAIN. It all depends on the self respect you have for yourself.

 
Old 05-19-2011, 05:03 AM   #5
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Re: my boyfriend's fetish doesn't turn me on and I can't tell him please please help!

My dear, this isn't love. A partner or someone who loves you would never have you do something that makes you feel upset or bad about yourself.

Have you told your boyfriend your feelings? I mean, have you had a real heart to heart about how much this is affecting your life? I think you really need to.
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Old 05-19-2011, 06:00 AM   #6
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Re: my boyfriend's fetish doesn't turn me on and I can't tell him please please help!

Compatibility may be a more important aspect of a relationship than love when it comes to long term relationships. Yes, you need a solid foundation of love and respect for your partner but without compatibility, similar expectations and principles, feelings of love will deminish and even disappear over time. The two of you seem to be mis-matched at two opposite poles. It's not fair to either of you to have to do without or consent to sexual acts that leave you both feeling hurt, innadaquate and dirty. Clearly, you don't find his particular fetish acceptable behavior and your participation is not freely and passionately indulged in on your behalf. This will eventually cause and erosion of the love you feel for him over time, you'll resist and even refuse to be intimate with him because of harbored resentment building up each time you are asked to participate in fetish activity.
The best thing for you to do is to have a difficult but needed conversation about your relationship. Difficult as it may be, you both need to air your feelings, needs and future expectations as to where you see yourselves in the years to come. Everyone has boundaries and deal breakers. You both deserve partners that love and respect you just as you are. Sometimes the most loving and respectful thing you can do is not give in to their desires or fetishes as you say just to make someone happy in the moment, but to release/free them to find a more compatible mate.

 
Old 05-19-2011, 10:08 AM   #7
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Re: my boyfriend's fetish doesn't turn me on and I can't tell him please please help!

I read where some posters are saying, if he can't stop the crossdressing then dump him. Wow, that's a little tough, don't you think? I do agree that no one should ever do anything sexual that they aren't comfortable with. This definitely needs to be dealt with in this relationship but if he's a crossdresser and really enjoys it, why stiffle it. It's not my cup of tea but if that's how he expresses himself. No one has the right to tell someone else not to do something they love. Now, the tricky part is whether or not she can put up with that. He apparently is who he is. She either accepts it or she leaves, end of discussion. However, the sexual stuff has to be discussed. If the two of them can come to some sort of middle ground, then there's hope. Either way, if she's that uncomfortable "doing him" then that needs to stop. For crying out loud, if he likes it that much he can do it to himself. This is going to be difficult to resolve since it appears things have gone on for some time but I hope they can work it out!
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Old 05-19-2011, 10:12 AM   #8
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Re: my boyfriend's fetish doesn't turn me on and I can't tell him please please help!

he's not doing anything wrong.....no one is to blame.....
you're simply incompatable.....end this relationship so you can both find someone who suits you better.....

 
Old 05-19-2011, 04:42 PM   #9
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Re: my boyfriend's fetish doesn't turn me on and I can't tell him please please help!

I wouldn't say he doesnt love you , i think hes just wrapped up in the fantasy abit too much and if you don't tell him enough he may well of just forgot or maybe he thinks you have started to like it. I think rose has a point. I don't think hes doing anything wrong , just a little selfish but i think you two are too different (his idea of sexual fantasys are different from yours) and you have tried it and you don't like it. The more you keep doing it the more you will end up resenting him and feeling even more bad about yourself, him , sex etc....

You need to tell him STRAIGHT UP ''I don't want to do this anymore its not my thing'' ..............tell him properly and stand your ground that you are no longer doing it and keep to it. If he reacts in a negative or bad then i would tell him where the door is , as he doesnt have any respect for your feelings then. Then that proves he definately doesnt love you. But if he is understand and accepts that you no longer want to do this anymore then great then you have a decent man who has put his own sexual fantasy needs aside - for you.

Last edited by cryingforever; 05-19-2011 at 04:44 PM. Reason: spelling

 
Old 05-19-2011, 06:39 PM   #10
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Re: my boyfriend's fetish doesn't turn me on and I can't tell him please please help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by liverkitty View Post
I don't really like it yet, but he loves it too much to give up, so I love and need to make him happy so I do it.

this is the part that makes it bad - the fact that you doesn't like it but your feelings don't seem to matter.

Again, have you verbally told your boyfriend HOW you feel? If you haven't, then maybe he has no idea you feel this way!
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Last edited by Mod-S4; 05-19-2011 at 08:52 PM. Reason: Please respond to the original poster. Thanks.

 
Old 05-20-2011, 01:09 PM   #11
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Re: my boyfriend's fetish doesn't turn me on and I can't tell him please please help!

I agree that it's a compatibility issue--and one that might not be surmountable for you two. I know that if my wife was into some weird stuff (what I consider to be weird), and it made me feel uncomfortable, and her unsatisfied to not do it, then we'd have a problem.

 
Old 05-21-2011, 06:24 AM   #12
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Re: my boyfriend's fetish doesn't turn me on and I can't tell him please please help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mju58 View Post
I read where some posters are saying, if he can't stop the crossdressing then dump him. Wow, that's a little tough, don't you think?
I don't think anyone here has suggested that if he can't stop crossdressing then dump him.

What it boils down to is that he is wanting you to perform sex acts that, for a start you don't feel comfortable doing, and worse makes you feel awful. No-one should be put in that position.

Have you talked to him and honestly told him how you feel? If not you need to do that. If he still wants you to carry on regardless of how you feel about it then you need to reasses this relationship. He needs to respect your wishes on this, and if he can't then he needs to find someone who is happy to fulfil is needs and you need to find someone who doesn't want more than you are able to give.

 
Old 04-30-2012, 10:34 AM   #13
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Re: my boyfriend's fetish doesn't turn me on and I can't tell him please please help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by liverkitty View Post
Hi, this is my first post so it might be a bit rubbish ...
My boyfriend is a cross dresser who likes me to have anal sex with him, but with him as the recipent ... ( wish I could phrase this better!) I don't know what to do. I love him with everything that I am but I hate this, I hate being dominent. I was sexually abused whist growing up, and my abuser used to make me choose the what would happen. Having to choose now, he like having to choose then, it makes me feel so dirty, I just want to cry. When its just me and him ( not his alterego Amy) and we make love it just develpos naturally and it wonderful. He knows that I was abused, and I've told him that I don't really like it yet, but he loves it too much to give up, so I love and need to make him happy so I do it. but each time its worse I feel dirty inadequate and quite frankly it makes me want to be totally sexless, to be no gender. I love him, and I know he is inlove with me I see it in his eyes and the way he laughs and protects me. But Im stuck, lonely and don't know what to do.
Please help,
Beth xx
damn that sucks. i can TOTALLY see your point. How bout a compromise, anal sex only once a week. But offer him a strap on for u to use on him. Its still like having a part of u inside his butt, which is the big turn on for him, and plus youd only have to put out once a week. maybe less than that if you really pound him. lol im serious tho, he sounds like someone who'd be into that.

 
Old 04-30-2012, 10:39 AM   #14
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Re: my boyfriend's fetish doesn't turn me on and I can't tell him please please help!

also if u dont mind me asking, is it just the sex thats the problem in the relationship? just asking not trying to be rude

 
Old 07-09-2012, 11:18 AM   #15
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Re: my boyfriend's fetish doesn't turn me on and I can't tell him please please help!

I love to crossdress and receive anal, however I would not put my significant other in a situation like this. Especially you,a situation that brings back horrible memmories from your past, Wow, thats not right!

 
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