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Old 07-13-2011, 01:29 PM   #1
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Perfectly Happy, but can't say so??

Hi,
I know I given a lot of advice in the short... hour I've been a member, but I actually could use some of my own. I have this boyfriend, who is amazing and I wouldn't trade him for any other man in whole world. I call him Maynard, like the truck from Cars, but something isnt right.

I love my Maynard to death, but I cant tell him. I love when we make love, but i cant tell him. Then when I start getting close to him he says I'm being too clingy and I need to quit, which doesn't bother me because we are still new so that's normal. For me not sleeping around and only kissing one person is commitment enough. BUT there is one problem.....

As much as I love my Maynard, the sex is very painful for me when he starts getting rough. I feel bad when he gets rough and I yelp and start to bleed. He doesn't mean to do that, but I feel like I just ruined the moment. Maynard knows that he is my first of my own accord and he understands that I take a lot of work. I think it's because he's had other girls before him and they were all 'experienced' so I think he forgets that during sex he can hurt me. I dont want to tell him that it hurts, but I also hate bleeding for two days. Is there anything I can do?

Sincerely,
BioFreak

Last edited by Biofreak; 07-13-2011 at 03:45 PM. Reason: i hate typos....

 
Old 07-14-2011, 03:04 AM   #2
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Re: Perfectly Happy, but can't say so??

Biofreak,

It is interesting that you say everything is perfect, except you cannot tell him important things, like that he is hurting you!

By all means, this is something you must let him know, I am sure he does not want you to bleed for two days and be in pain. There are several things he can do to make this easier on you, if he only knew.... I am surprised he cannot tell by your yelps, or your overall reaction, unless you are faking it feeling good.'

What would stop you from telling him this? Are you afraid he will leave you, or think less of you? I am sure he would do anything he can not to hurt you...

For one thing instead of being so rough he could surely back off a bit, and using some lubrication might be very helpful. What kind of protection are you using? If he is using a condom, you definitely need some water soluble lube too.

Communication is very important, especially when a relationship becomes intimate. This is something important to work on together, sooner rather than later. Sex should not hurt and leave you bleeding, especially when your partner is not even aware of it. I would encourage you to hold off on sex until you can explain your feelings to him.

 
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Old 07-14-2011, 08:41 AM   #3
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Re: Perfectly Happy, but can't say so??

I do try to ignore the pain, but I was also a sexual abuse victim for a long time. He doesn't know details, which I did so he wouldn't worry. I know he can tell I'm bleeding a lot after we're done and he got really upset when he saw my shorts the next day after i got dressed. The whole bottoms were blood on the inner thighs and back pockets. I said I just gotten my period, I didn't want to upset him or make him feel bad, but from the look on his face, I don't think he believed me anyways.
I don't like telling people how I feel, like what I feel about things I'm involved in anyways. So when I think of telling Maynard how much I love him, I pull back and decide that I shouldn't say anything at all. I'd love to tell him I hate the condoms he uses, I mean they freaking hurt! They feel like they are sticking to me and bunching up and him going the pace he does doesn't help.
o and the yelping thing, my yelps are very soft sounding and he can't hear very well and half the time my eyes are closed so he most likely can't see that I'm in pain anyways......

I know this sound so wrong, but I have no idea what to even say without hurting Maynard in the process.

 
Old 07-14-2011, 09:18 AM   #4
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Re: Perfectly Happy, but can't say so??

Are you really sure you will hurt him by telling him the truth, and I am speaking about the pain and the bleeding on this one, not the intimate feelings you have for him. I can understand those, as they could mean rejection or non acceptance, but not the physical pain! Those two things are quite different the way I see it.

I think most of us hold back when thinking of sharing out innermost thoughts with someone for the first time. Particularly since you have been just by men...but we all have some reservations about saying how much we like or love someone at first.

When he saw the blood, and you told him it was your period, then that is what he thought...not that you were bleeding from sex. You need to sit down and clear this up with him, ok? Save the talk about the feelings for next time, but first you need to let him know that it was the sex that caused the bleeding, and that it hurts you, especially when he uses those condoms. Nothing about any of that should hurt him instead it will inform him so he can fix it before next time.

So please tell him about the bleeding and the pain with the condoms. Those two things should not cause any kind of misunderstanding or poor feelings between you, does that make sense?

AS far as your more personal feelings, I would hold onto those inside until the time is right. That is further down the road. I hope this helps you...

 
Old 07-14-2011, 09:59 AM   #5
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Re: Perfectly Happy, but can't say so??

I don't know about hurting him, but I know it would be an inconvenience for him to change versus me just getting used to it. This is also the first time Ive had sex with my agreement that I wanted it from him. Maynard is essentially my first lover. So maybe it's me, is generally what i think. Maynard also has a sister so as much as I wish he would have believed my lie, I know he didn't. I know Ive already made him upset because he found out one of my pedophiles likes to "keep in touch" which is just Maynard being protective of me, which I love. I know I can't share my feelings with him right now, which I'm okay with. I know my best friend say with the condoms deal, to go with him to pick out the right ones and to get some of the water based lube and that way I don't have to make it awkward to say that he's hurting me.... I dunno, I just love him so much I don't want to make him have to change for me, when in my mind, I don't think I'm worth the change...

 
Old 07-14-2011, 09:49 PM   #6
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Re: Perfectly Happy, but can't say so??

I am so sorry to hear you speak of yourself in that way.. it hurts to think a young woman feels so poorly about herself due to abuse by men. You deserve to be treated tenderly and carefully. I am tired now, but I will be back tomorrow to continue this discussion, OK?

Janet

 
Old 07-15-2011, 09:58 AM   #7
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Re: Perfectly Happy, but can't say so??

well, Maynard and I just argued again last night.I won't be doing a whole lot of anything until he calms down and i get cute and things are better again....

 
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