to ashleed - Sexual Health - General Message Board

gem2000 · 08-28-2002, 11:21 PM

Hey Ashlee,

thanks so much for your response, that really did help me to know that I am not the only one feeling like this. I totally agree with you about there being one special person, I just keep thinking its HIM and get my heartbroken again. I swear I will never make this mistake again because it hurts so bad. It's true, though. Guys don't understand that we don't want them because they are studs in bed or something, it means so much more than that when it is lacking in other areas of your life. The best thing about that night was the feeling of him just wrapped up around me and I wanted that to last forever. I hate being alone, but I know I can't replace it with that, or get over my fwb that way.I swear I am going to get a dog

I talked to my male friend who is BEST friends with both of these other two guys, and he has reamed me out for this. He told me I am a **** even if I haven't done this before and he has lost all respect for me. He says this new guy seduced me and I will never see him again. That is probably true, and it kills me to hear it because I thought he was different. This situation is complicated though, because my male friend also liked me in the past but we were never more than friends, and I never know what to believe. I think he cares about me enough to be honest though. So I guess this feeling will pass too.
Ashlee, don't you sometimes wonder why we even bother? Because no matter what the guy has done or how he has treated you, you will always be the one to look bad. As a girl, you make one mistake and thats it. Inside I know I am not a ****, and I swear I didn't do this to get revenge on the first guy. It just happened. Thanks for your reply. You seem like a really sweet girl.

AshleeD · 08-29-2002, 02:50 PM

Hey Gem

You are VERY welcome for the reply. I'm glad I could help you....but first of all...

What's up with your guy friend? If he was a true friend those words would've never came out of his mouth and I wish him luck on finding anyone to suite him. No girl will probably feel she is worth his time. Believe me, you are NOT a **** and continue knowing you aren't...inside AND out. Some men can be very, and I mean very manipulative. You're with them and your holding each other and kissing, and suddenly every word coming out of their mouth sounds so great to the point where you think sleeping with them would be perfect. And the reason why you and I continue to think the 'next guy' will be different is because we want to find that special someone so badly, that we think any 'new' guy has to be better than the other ones. But the truth is, sometimes they aren't.

I don't know if they were just created this way or what, lol, but guys can say one little word and I'm just in a daze thinking 'this guy is so wonderful' when really he may just be speaking the words to get me into bed with him.

It's hard, but in the end all you can do is learn from your mistakes and KNOW that just because you are a girl, with a vagina, does not mean you are open to giving any guy some who wants it. You are MUCH more than that a deserve a LOT more than you have been getting. Until you realize and understand that, you will only feel that your worth is sexual. It's not. Women AND men deserve to be treated with respect and are not just sex toys to pleasure someone else.

I hope you truly know you are special and one day you WILL find someone who will treat you right. And don't worry, I am STILL struggling with sex and trying to find the right guy. I'm so vunerable though that every guy looks like 'they'd be the perfect b/f' when really they're thinking 'she'll make a perfect F/B'. Not saying these were your cases, it's just that you should be more open and before having sex with ANYONE, let them know you are into them for more than that, and if they just want the sex, don't put up with that BS cause you'll only have to suffer emotional pain afterwards.

Hope this helps, and good luck! Thank you for saying I'm a sweet girl. Right back atcha

Lots of love to you,

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif Ash

[This message has been edited by AshleeD (edited 08-29-2002).]

gem2000 · 08-29-2002, 05:02 PM

Hey Ash,

Wow..it feels good to get advice from someone impartial and who has actually been there! This is so new to me because I was so good for 22 years. I have had two partners and neither were the best choice obviously, but suddenly I feel like I have that scarlett letter on me. Yes, men do say exactly what they think we want to hear and it is hard not to get caught up in that. My guy friend is actually a pretty decent guy, but because he is friends with all of us and has liked me before in the past, he is being pretty hard on me. I am not sure I can blame him, I told him recently nothing was going to happen between us because I was in love with my fwb, and then I went and slept with his other friend...so I kind of understand that one. His reason for being so mad is that it was me with my fwb friend, and in my fwb's room...which really looks like a revenge ploy, but I swear I didn't even think of that at the time. It was just one of those instant attraction act before you think things. He says it is worse than what alot of my friends do (hooking up with random bar guys for one night stands) because I go into it thinking there might be a realationship instead of just sex. I have done this, but only because I really do want that one guy. I don't think this should be a bad thing. I won't make the same mistake 3 times though haha! It is kind of nice to know that somewhere there is a guy just for you, who will want you for more than just your body. I do hope we find our Mr. Right's before we get old and dry up though! It is hard to be young and have raging hormones (heck I have the ticking clock already too- I see a baby and want to steal it away) and try to look but not touch! Oh well...the drought begins again....
Lots of love to you too Ash