Feeling quite sick about what I did.... - Sexual Health - General Message Board

gem2000 · 08-26-2002, 06:04 PM

I am feeling so depressed right now. I am new to this board but thought maybe I could get some advice because I just don't know what to do.... I was majorly in love (or I thought so) with the guy. We ended up in a bed-buddies type of relationship for about 8 months. I wanted him, but he just wanted sex. I knew that all along but for some reason I just kept thinking he would change. I don't know if he cheated on me, but I am certain he would. For 8 months all I thought about was him, and didn't see anyone else. Well, then I met a friend of his (not a close friend). I really really like him. He treated me so differently and told me I was was worth a lot more than that. We ended up sleeping together, like right away. I wasn't pressured or anything. I just wanted him, and it was really really nice to be with a guy that actually held me and made me feel good and not just got up and left after getting it. He lives in another state though, so I knew this was just a one night thing. Now I am feeling quite sick about the fact that I made the same mistake again and slept with him right away. I liked him so much and I am afraid he will think I am some easy ****. I am sure I will never find someone because everytime I get attached I get hurt. I know my problem lies partly in the fact that I don't have any family around me, and I am always looking to replace that. Now I just feel so empty. I am not really unhappy it happened in one way because he opened my eyes to the fact that the other guy (who I still care about despite myself) is letting me make a fool of myself. Do you think he thinks I am a ****? I am 24 and he was only my second sexual partner, but both times it was kind of fast.

star508 · 08-26-2002, 08:17 PM

Gem - you're not a ****! You just got out of a "relationship" where you wanted more than the guy was willing to give. Even if you knew that all along, at that point you knew for sure. If you had a "real" relationship, the fact that you slept with the friend would be called a rebound. I guess it can be called a rebound now too. From what you said, he sounds like a good guy, so I really don't think he thinks you're a ****. I actually have a theory that he knew this was going to be a one night stand but he cared enough to want to show you that you deserve more than to be a sex buddy. So that's what he did.

I'm sure you'll find someone! It might not be easy and it might take some time, but it'll happen. When people get hurt, they try to isolate themselves from possible causes of pain, but I think a guy will come along who'll be able to get past that.

Cheer up! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/cool.gif

F-Man · 08-27-2002, 11:20 AM

**** is a strong word, which I don't think fits you at all. If he made no indications that he wanted to see you again, I'd say that he too looked at it as a one night stand.

As far as what he thought...If I meet a girl and she wants to have sex the first night that kind of turns me off. I'd think she probably does it with a lot of guys if she's willing to do it with me. I probably wouldn't do it. If there was a really strong connection though, almost like a "love at first site" situation, maybe I'd see it differently, but probably not.

I caution that I am pretty conservative in my values, so I may not be a good indicator of how the average guy thinks.

Doing that once and being concerned about it is not being a ****. To me a **** is more a person who sleeps around with a lot of different partners that he/she doesn't have a relationship with, and he/she doesn't see much wrong with it. It doesn't sound like that describes your situation at all.

I'd suggest you forget about that guy you were seeing for 8 months. That doesn't sound like a fulfilling relationship at all. He obviously doesn't respect you. I'm sure you do deserve, and will find, much better than that. He doesn't deserve you!

livenlearn · 08-27-2002, 02:31 PM

like my name here..... live n learn.... i've been there... sleeping with a guy right away... thinking he was "different".. or it was ok.... .. this is how we learn..... "chalk it up" as experience... and move on.... don't beat yourself up about it..... it happened.. nothing you can do to change the past... however, you can change the future..... go easy on yourself..... and learn from your mistakes....

gem2000 · 08-28-2002, 03:34 PM

Thanks all you guys!

I am still feeling all empty, just because I really liked this new guy. I don't go for a lot of guys, but when I do I fall in love head over heels immediately, and convince myself I will never meet another. I do regret sleeping with him because he must have thought "wow, that was easy", and I really am not, but at least it has forced me to get over my friend with benefits.