Need a little advice on a selfish lover - Sexual Health - General Message Board

Disposition · 07-14-2002, 05:09 PM

Hey guys.
First off let me say that I will be talking to my partner about this, I know I have to. I'd just like some advice on how to go about doing it, and whether or not you think I'm over-reacting.
Things haven't always been this way, but for the past few months, when my partner and I fool around and have intercourse this is what happens:
He will get turned on for whatever reason, and soon after, he won't exactly EXPECT me to give him oral/manual sex, but he knows I'll do it. So after pleasuring him in one way or another for a good half hour (mind you half the time he'll be watching tv), he then pulls my head up, or my hand off, or whatever, and he will slip on a condom.
At this point, I know what he wants. So he sits me on him and will sit there as I do all the work, and the most he will do is put his hands on my waist. He won't touch me, he won't kiss me.
He knows what I want, and what I like. He used to always do it, and I've given him pleanty of reminders, but he doesn't touch me.
And as I sit there, giving him sex, he'll just enjoy until he's finished, orgasmed, and has came then he'll get me off of him and proceed to put his clothes back on right away.
The whole time I get NOTHING at all, not even a kiss, and then after he will ask why I look disappointed and I'll just sit there thinking "well.. duh".
A bit ago I asked him why he never gave me oral sex anymore seeming as how he knows how much I love it, and he told me it was because he disliked the taste of discharge. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif
I've never heard that one before, plus he never used to mind it.
So guys I'm wondering here, am I really asking too much of him?
All I want is a little in return for all the giving I do

Some help please guys?
He makes me feel like such an object

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"Tomorrow may be better, but today I choose not to feel..."

whitewolf95 · 07-14-2002, 05:37 PM

Oh darlin' you arent reading too much in it at all. He needs to get his act together that is for sure.
You really do need to talk to him. Just sit him down and sya that you two need to talk and figure out what is going on. Let him know you miss the things he use to do. Also remind him that certains didnt seem to bother him before but now they do.

Though I will tell you that when my huby got "forgetful" of the things I loved he soon found out that I got forgetful of what sex was....Boy oh boy did that get the point across. He finally asked me what was wrong and I told him that I had already talked to him about the problem. Which I had tried to talk to him several times before that. So we finally had out talk in which he actually listened and talked about it all. Things turned great after that and so far he has been very mindful of the things I like/love.
Though if it comes down to it then you might have to stop giving to get your point across...that is if the talking doesnt work.

Good luck and I hope things turn out ok.

safetygirl · 07-14-2002, 05:38 PM

Hey Hon,
I know you want advice from guys, but here is advice from a girl: Dump him. He is utterly selfish. You deserve better. You've given him hints and everything, and he has not heeded it. He is treating you like you're just a hole to **** and suck him. Lose him. You won't ever regret it.

Del_00 · 07-15-2002, 04:02 AM

Sorry disposition thats not so good. Speaking as a man I find touching, kissing and exploring a womans body in some ways more pleasurable than the act itself. He's treating you very badly and I don't meant to sound harsh but he's almost using you like a prostitute.
On him not liking giving you Oral on account of the taste I think thats fair - personally i think Oral sex should be kept clean on both guys and girls, neither fluid is designed for consumption is it! can't he use a latex square or cut a condom into a square?
Why not suggest a game where he has to keep his undearwear on and pleasure you using whatever methods and then he gets his turn! I have had hugely erotic experiences doing this with a girl, KNOWING your girl is getting pleasure i find very sexy and heightens my enjoyment. I think he needs reminding what heaven it is to really experience every inch of a womans body not just the 'sexual bits'. Try asking him whether he's game for keeping his pants until your ready and try to get himto touch your body in a non sexual way too and remind him how soft and lovely you undoubtedly are

I just love women me!

GOOD LUCK!

mlgable · 07-15-2002, 08:45 AM

One thing you need to clear up to when you do talk to him is exactly what he meant by he doesn't like the taste of your discharge. Was he talking about your lubrication or is there some other problem that you might not be aware of that. You need to sit down and talk to him but give him an utimatum so to speak. Let him know you will not be meeting his needs until he starts at least trying to meet some of his needs. Remind him that this is a two way street and that you have needs too. Good Luck. I have and still am down that same road somewhat.