I don't like to have sex...??? - Sexual Health - General Message Board

collegegirl · 10-19-2002, 08:59 AM

Okay...I'm not sure if this goes in the relationship category or not, but I figured it'd be a little more appropriate in here.

I love my boyfriend and he loves me. I think we have a great relationship. The thing is, everytime the thought of sex comes up, I freeze. I'll want it beforehand, all the way up until it's time to do the deed. I used to LOVE sex. Couldn't get enough of it. But lately... it's just.. I don't know. I don't want him to even TRY to give me an orgasm. I don't know why. Most times, I'd rather cuddle with him and go to sleep.

This is upsetting to me. Extremely so, because I want to enjoy sex. I WANT to have a normal (even phenomenal) sex life, and yet I find myself hiding under the covers so I don't have to be naked, and I get completely grossed out because we all know sex can be messy. It's gross to me! I haven't felt that way in the past, so I don't know what's wrong.

My boyfriend tries SO HARD to make it enjoyable for us both, but I just... don't... want it anymore. And I want to want it, because I'm depriving him of something he shouldn't have to go without. I'm not the kind of person who would have sex even if I didn't want it, so if I'm not getting any, neither is he, and that's not fair. I'm starting to worry that I should go talk to a headshrinker or something, because it's been going on for a while, and I just don't know what to do.

Any suggestions? It would REALLY help, from men and women both. Thank you.

Fantaseee · 10-19-2002, 09:53 AM

I gues the obvious question is has anything happened inbetween time that could impact on yr feelings about sex. maybe you did something that felt out of yr control, witnessed something that you wish you hadn't - that kinda thing. sometimes something that at the time didn't seem to significant can be enough to trigger a phobia of sorts. i know you are not phobic of sex, but you have developed negative thought patterns towards it somewhere down the line and i guess some sort of therapist could help you unravel what happened.

on the other end of the scale it could be linked to a medical problem, have you changed yr BCP perhaps? or yr hormones may have become unbalanced through other means.

i think you need to approach this problem both physiologically and psychologically, a trip to yr doctor for tests would be my first port of call if it continues.

buck58 · 10-19-2002, 10:01 AM

collegegirl, I'm just a regular guy, but, I've got a gut feeling from what you wrote, that I don't think it has anything to do with you liking or not liking sex, since you said you always liked it in the past. Just something to think about, but could there be something "else" going on, that you may be punishing yourself for? Keeping yourself from enjoying anykind of pleasure. Just an idea, please write back if you like, none of us want you to be miserable. Bye.
buck.

collegegirl · 10-19-2002, 10:03 AM

Thank you for responding quickly.

As far as I know, I haven't witnessed some scarring event or something like that... I suppose I couldn't say definitely, though.

I just switched from a really crappy pill to Depo Provera... maybe that has something to do with it? I don't think the list of side effects said anything about a loss of libido, but I could double check.

I don't know what's wrong... I'll think about the things you said. Thank you VERY much. Sometimes it's just good to get feedback.

Blastoff9600 · 10-19-2002, 11:09 AM

One of the side effects of depo is loss of sex drive along with depression.
Also some other side effects are INFERTILITY,bone density loss,continuos spotting,and the list can go on and on.
The reason I bring up the infertility and such is because so many young women dont know about it. I had to learn the hard way. I only had two shots of Depo back in 1996 after the birth of my first child. Then low and behold it took over three years and several infertility doctors before I was able to have another child. Everyone of the doctors I saw told me I was not the first patient they had had to deal with thanks to Depo Provera and they even assured me I wasnt the last they would deal with.
Do search online and you can find many,many sites in which women are suffering from infertility and more problems thanks to Depo.