It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Sexual Health - General Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 11-14-2002, 06:19 AM   #1
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 42
TeaBiscut HB User
Unhappy Boyfriend won't go down

I have been with my boyfriend for about 2 months now and I have noticed that he is hesitant to give me oral pleasure. He will only do this rarely and if I ask. Last night I brought this up and he said that with his past girlfriends (he has had several serious relationships) he has never had to do this. I don't know what these past girlfriends were thinking, but I for one need oral stimulation to get aroused. I told him this and he said that going down on a girl doesn't turn him on. I don't understand this because I know that I have good hygiene and I am always shaved and clean.

To make matters worse, I am more than happy to go down on him (which I do quite often) because I know it makes him feel good, which arouses me as well.

What can I do? We have talked about this but still no oral action!

 
Old 11-14-2002, 07:31 AM   #2
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 261
someguyinhis20s HB User
Post

I would ask him what exactly does he not like about it. There are a lot of men who don't like giving oral sex even if the woman is clean and trim. Some just don't like the taste. Others find it degrading. And some just don't like it cause they're not getting any stimulation at the same time. There are a number of reasons why he may not like it and you need to get the specifics.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 11-14-2002, 08:56 AM   #3
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 42
TeaBiscut HB User
Post

I will do that. But I feel that even if I get the specifics, nothing will change. Can he be converted to like it?

 
Old 11-14-2002, 09:21 AM   #4
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 261
someguyinhis20s HB User
Post

Depends what he doesn't like about it. If it's the taste, then maybe you could try using food or something that improves the taste. But in most cases, if a guy doesn't like it, there's little you can do to change his mind.

 
Old 11-14-2002, 10:00 AM   #5
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 31
SouthernCaliforniaGirl HB User
Post

If he doesn't like it, then you should respect his feelings. There's no gray area here; guys either like it or don't. Don't make that big a deal of it unless it's something you can't live without.

 
Old 11-14-2002, 11:58 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,601
daylight568 HB User
Post

Just pretend it doesn't interest you for now.He may suddenly get interested in it later on down the road and surprise you.

 
Old 11-14-2002, 12:31 PM   #7
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 42
TeaBiscut HB User
Post

The only thing is that I don't think it is fair for me to put my desires on hold. It is very hard for me to reach orgasm without oral sex. And honestly, I don't think it is too much to ask of him. It is not like a strange fetish or somehthing...it is a pretty standard sexual practice.

 
Old 11-14-2002, 05:31 PM   #8
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: fullerton
Posts: 115
sherrie HB User
Post

I think he is being selfish by not giving you oral. If he thinks it is degrading - then what is his opinion of women in general??? Is it a part of his religion?? If he is not giving you any - then I think it would only be fair of you not to give him any either. You are not his sex slave.

[This message has been edited by sherrie (edited 11-14-2002).]

 
Old 11-15-2002, 12:50 PM   #9
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 42
TeaBiscut HB User
Post

I don't think he is against it for any particular reason. Here is what I think. His girlfriends in the past never spoke up and asked him to do it. So he kept getting away with not doing it. We talked about it a little more and I think that he will go down on me because he does care about making me feel good. But if he does, I just worry that the whole time he is thinking that its disgusting. So if I am worrying the whole time, there is no way I will be able to have an orgasm! What a dilema!

 
Old 11-15-2002, 02:57 PM   #10
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 261
someguyinhis20s HB User
Post

Not to defend him, cause I don't see why he doesn't like it, but try to look at the situation in reverse. Suppose your partner asked you to do something to him that you found disgusting. Would you still do it? Sure you can tell yourself that you're doing it to please your partner but then doesn't sex stop being fun for you now that you're doing something you don't like? I'm not saying you should stop asking him to do it. I'm just saying that you should think about whether it's right to pressure him into doing something he doesn't like and think about how you would react if he did the same to you. After all, you don't want to create any resentment.

 
Old 11-15-2002, 03:09 PM   #11
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 42
TeaBiscut HB User
Post

You're right, you're right. I guess I just have a dim outlook on our relationship if it is not going to be sexually pleasing for me.

 
Old 11-15-2002, 03:31 PM   #12
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: fullerton
Posts: 115
sherrie HB User
Post

Someguy,
I understand what you are saying. However, I think that Teabiscuit does not enjoy giving her guy oral sex that much either.. I mean for most who women enjoy it, its mostly due in part to making their men feel good and likewise for men. I think that if he is expecting his girlfriend to give him oral sex than he should out of descency do the same for her, otherwise its just pure selfishness on his part. He obviously finds it disgusting- hmmm... does he just all of a sudden forget that its a disgusting act when its his turn? Or does he just think that a women putting her mouth in a guys penis must just be so enjoyable for the women? If he were so truely disgusted by the act of having a mouth on someone elses privates, then he would not want it done on himself either.. right? because the act is so disgusting in and of itself.. but that is not the case here, so he is just pure selfish in my opinion.

[This message has been edited by sherrie (edited 11-15-2002).]

[This message has been edited by sherrie (edited 11-15-2002).]

 
Old 11-15-2002, 05:14 PM   #13
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Houston,Tx,USA
Posts: 13
struggler HB User
Post

I don't really like going down on my guy, but I always find that when we do a 69 position, we are both turned on way more than if one of us were performing alone. So maybe you can suggest this and you will both get some arousal.

 
Old 11-16-2002, 01:06 PM   #14
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Jackson,Tn usa
Posts: 144
newdawn HB User
Cool For Teabiscut

I have been reading this post for a week now and I have to finally post this first of all oral sex is not for everyone but I haven't heard of to many men that don't enjoy it..secondly I haven't been able to have a fullfilling sex life when it comes to penatration probably spelled wrong lol.. so oral sex became very special and important for me.. and lastly you two may not be as sexual as the other its important for both partners to have the same or at least close to the same sexual appetite I dated a guy who is now my best friend and he liked sex but not as much as I did and I as always affectionate with him and I never knew when he was in the mood... oral sex for me to do to the guy well I admit before my hormones changed after my full hysterectomy I loved it for all the wrong reasons I didn't treat it as special thats my past and I admit also I was very wild and did a lot of crazy things..but I will tell you this don't give him oral sex if you don't' feel comfortable because to many men I have been with and dated have been more than willing to let me go down on them but then when it came to me it was like oh no not me.... my mother always tells me and some men/women may not agree with this statement but the man should really want to please his lady first and should really feel good just knowing she is aroused.. well please post to this and whoever else wants to thanks...
Renee'

 
Old 11-16-2002, 05:21 PM   #15
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 261
someguyinhis20s HB User
Post

sherrie,

The problem is that people act like oral sex should be traded. In other words, you do it for me and I'll do it for you. But I think you should treat the two acts completely separate and just ask one simple question. Does the person giving it enjoy it too? If not, then don't do it. I happen to enjoy giving oral sex to a woman, but if I was with a woman who didn't like giving it, it's not like I'd suddenly refrain from giving her oral. I think it's wrong to do something just to make your partner happy or as an incentive to get them to do something you like. If you don't like it, then don't do it. As for whether TeaBiscut likes to give oral to her BF or if she does it to get him to do the same to her, I don't know. I don't think she said anything about that. But if she's doing it just to make him happy and she gets no pleasure out of it, then I think she shouldn't bother. She should only do the stuff she enjoys and not just to please her BF.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Boyfriend just stopped using cocaine..long story. darkestangel30 Relationship Health 2 07-29-2008 11:30 AM
My Boyfriend's Sex Drive is Driving Me Crazy!! Abbylane Sexual Health - General 13 07-16-2008 10:43 PM
dealing with boyfriend and his 6 yr old leilani3202 Parenting Issues 10 06-04-2008 04:27 PM
I'm in love with a girl whose boyfriend is a friend of mine Jack Smith Relationship Health 110 08-15-2007 01:24 PM
My boyfriend and his mother...and me. babiblujay Mental Health 0 05-20-2006 01:39 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:54 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!