No Sex due to unfortunate issue - Sexual Health - General Message Board

giupset · 04-16-2003, 10:38 PM

I didn't realize that there was this sub-board. Ok, I'll just throw my issue and questions out there:

I had to have an anal fistulotomy (operation on my buttocks to remove clear up the "false connection" (fistula) which is an infection and can lead to many other problems). Damage has been done to my internal and external sphincter. Since them, (5 years ago), I haven't had a relationship or sex as this has affected my muscles causing fecal incontinence.

I am finally trying to do something about this problem this year. My question to you men is how would you react if you had a relationship with someone with such a problem or just discovered that they had this issue after dating for awhile? I would expect to be dropped like a hot potato.

I have been approached many times or asked out on dates. I may chose to go on a date or two or just chose to skip it b/c as we all know, whether or not it does turn into something - at some point one thing leads to another and....this issue will come up.

giupset · 04-16-2003, 11:18 PM

My stools are watery. During intercourse, muscles relax (I guess) - we use muscles during intercourse that we don't realize even exist. The internal sphincter is you "involuntary" muscle which holds your stool on it's own due to nerves, etc. The external sphicter is your "voluntary" muscle - when you have to use the toilet but can't get to one for some reason, this muscle is then used consciously. These muscles/sphincters are inside of your buttocks.

What I discovered is that during sexual intercourse, I begin to leak the watery stool and very soon after it all comes out!!! I've experienced this once and will not do it again. I tried something else 2 years later with the same guy as he knew about the problem - I didn't eat for 2 days and had sex on my on turf so if there was a mess, I'd clean it up. There was just a spot but if you read the "virgin at 25" (something like that), you'll see why (as it was only 3 minutes - if any longer....). I have discovered some meds which may help but am afraid and embarrassed of what may happen.

I need to hear from you guys - your honest reaction.

Thanks,

Lance2 · 04-17-2003, 03:29 AM

I sure am sorry about that and this must be really difficult for you. I see this as a medical issue, not one of disgust or your not wanting to be sexual in a relationship, just one that is very difficult to deal with. From my perspective I'd deal with this like any other medical condition, wouldn't affect me in the least as long as I knew what was going on and why. I'd probably say that a surprise with this wouldn't be good. So, like we say here so often, communication is the key to a relationship. For me, if you communicated this with me and we reached that point in a relationship, then we'd find a way to work with it and be sexual. Hope this helps!

sprout · 04-17-2003, 07:22 AM

I agree with Lance on this. If people are open and honest with each other, often times we find that we can accept things that we wouldn't if they come out of the blue.

With regards to what you can do to diminish the occurance...

Have you discussed with your doctor anything that you could do to make this less of a problem? This is a quality of life issue that you are dealing with and your concerns are very real. Have you ever considered giving yourself a thorough enema before having sex? Is this something that you *can* do...or have doctors advised you against enemas? This might be one thing that you can do so that you can again enjoy intercourse and not have to worry about the incontinence.

Regardless of whether that is an option or not...I would speak with the doctor and work together to find a way to correct this situation enough to make having a healthy sex life possible.

I wish you all the best,

sprout

giupset · 04-17-2003, 02:02 PM

Thanks for the input. As far as enemas go, sex is usually a "spur of the moment" event(s). The MD who caused this suggested a fleets prior to having sex. I told him that after coming back from dinner, running to take an enema and then shower would probably change the mood for both parties involved. If I were to give myself an enema hours before, and then have sex hours after, they may help some but there would still be leakage unless Lomotil and/or Immodium would put a stop to that - don't know because I haven't had the chance to try this yet.

I will be going to a pelvic floor physical therapist as well as jumping into biofeedback to strenthen my anal muscles. Plus I'm taking probiotics which has decreased the leakage to almost null. I'll find out by the end of the year!

Thanks again.