Sexless Relationship - Sexual Health - General Message Board

ggrs · 04-29-2003, 12:41 PM

Hey, how are you guys doing? I'm a new member and, I'm having a big problem; I'm hoping you guys can give me some insight or advice on this. I'm a woman and, my bf and I have been together for about 2 and a half yrs now. He has basically said that he does not want to have sex with me anymore. He says that the sex between us is too "on and off" for him...a lot one time, hardly anything other times. He thinks that no sex at all would be better than that. This means that he will explore other ways of getting it and, that hurts me a lot.I don't have a big libido and he is a VERY sexual person. We've had this problem before and, it ALWAYS seems to be the topic of an argument.Recently, sex has become uncomfortable for me as well...so, this has become an issue as well. Don't get me wrong, he's a very understanding person.. very warm, caring, sensitive. He's a great guy and I don't want to lose him but, I'm afraid I will because of this. This has become a constant source of stress for me. Just lately I guess he has lost his patience (which he usually has a lot of)and, has given up on any hope of a sexual relationship between us. I hope you guys can shed some light on this...I've read some other postings and all of the advice given is just great.

Inspector-r-r-r · 04-29-2003, 12:54 PM

Could you please clarify what "on and off" means in this context? Does your boyfreind think sex is too infrequent, or does he lose his erection, or are you just uninterested, or are you jumping up and down like dememnted bunnies? I imagine demented bunny sex is not that great...

Snazzy101 · 04-29-2003, 01:17 PM

Sounds like you're just not sexually compatible. It happens. But stopping the sex in your relationship while your boyfriend pursues other sexual partners is not the answer. First of all, there is no reason you should put up with that. You deserve a boyfriend who is all yours. Secondly, he doesn't call the shots while you meekly accept whatever he dishes out. He gets to have other partners?? Tell him no way, Jack.

The thing is, in any relationship, you need to work things out in a mutually satisfying way. If you can't, it's time to move on. Really, isn't this issue ALWAYS going to keep popping up between you two? I know you've been together a long time, and the natural inclination is to hang on to the relationship. But this seems to be a big source of conflict and I don't think it is one that is easily fixed. Your libido is what it is, as is your boyfriend's. Forcing your partner to change, or making yourself change, doesn't usually work out in the long run.

Good luck!

ButtMunch · 04-29-2003, 01:19 PM

First off let me tell you i'm sorry to hear that you are in this position. I'm not sure i have much advise for you other than seeing a counceller or therapist that deals with relationships, the sexual part of them. I know you don't want to lose him but it sounds as tho he's made up his mind about going else where to get what he needs, and if he does this i hope you are not sitting at home waiting for him to come back after being with someone else.
Why is sex uncomfortable for you?? I'm sure people on here could help you with that if it is something particular.
I'm not sure how a long term relationship goes on without every having the sexual part of it. I mean for many years. I assume your not a teenager.

Good luck to you, my advise is to see someone about this if you want it to work out.

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Keep Smilin

Thisby · 04-29-2003, 11:42 PM

I think there's something missing to this story. There's just not enough information here. You definitely have to explain what "on and off" means, and more importantly: why it is like that. You also say he has lost his patience, you have to tell us why for that one too (or at least his reason for it).