clueless virgin - Sexual Health - General Message Board

JayKay77 · 08-23-2003, 02:07 AM

am 26y.o, virgin. my bf is a virgin too but seems to know more about sex than me. i heard it'll be painful as hell the first experience so i've been eeky about it (that isn't d'main reason why i refused sex with him). so, my question is, is it REALLY painful the first time you do it?

bf was very pushy one day and i sorta gave him the green light. he acknowledged my childish fear and said will be gentle. for my comfort, he told me what he would do from a-z! *stoopid huh?* he fingered me with his 'lil finger (with lubrication) for awhile before switching to his middle finger. (i think i was too tensed to feel anything). and guess what? i chickened out and said STOP. we stopped.

so second question is, can fingering pop one's cherry? i don't think i bled that day. just wondering. i once read somewhere that they hymen can only be stretched by penetration (sports, tampoon etc aside). is it true? can u see for yourself in the mirror if you're a virgin?

stephanie01 · 08-23-2003, 03:12 AM

I am not to experienced in this department, so I can't answer your other questions, but I don't think you can see it with a mirror, it does hurt the first time, but it goes away. Its nothing to be afraid of I can't describe the pain, its not really painful to the point where you would scream and never want to have sex again. Its mildly painful. I am sorry I can't explain this all better hopefully someone else will come along that can.

MrNice · 08-23-2003, 08:12 AM

Being a male it's hard for me to comment on the degree of pain a woman experiences when she loses her virginity. From all I've read it varies between women. If you read what others have posted on these boards some have experienced considerable pain while others have experienced very little or none.

I think a lot of it has to do with how well you are prepared for your first sexual encounter. If you are relaxed, trust your partner, have proper contraceptive protection,protection against any STD, have adequate lubrication available, have privacy and want to have sex then you will be much more comfortable and, barring having an unusually thick hymen will experience some minor pain as penetration occurs but, as the previous poster said, it will quickly pass.

Can the hymen be stretched or torn manually...the answer is yes. Some women have torn their hymens long before any sexual intercourse takes place. Many are unaware that it has been torn.

If you like, when you visit your gyno ask him/her to examine your hymen and they can tell you whether it is intact and whether they feel you will have any difficulty during your first intercourse. In the case of an unusually thick hymen which would make it painful for you they can perform a simple surgical procedure to remove the hymen and allow you to have a more pleasurable first intercourse.

DanaJ · 08-23-2003, 11:57 AM

Well said so far.
This has been brought up hundreds of times, and there isn't one objective answer.
For some it hurt, for others it was very pleasurable.

Personally for me it was a great experience. I was excited enough to produce more lube than needed, was comfortable , and ready. It didn't hurt, and was very pleasurable.
As mentioned beforehand, it does depend on many factors. Relaxation, comfort level, lubrication etc.

Chances are your hymen was torn long ago if you are in fact 26. A majority of times it gets torn(through athletic activity etc) before you lose your virginity. It may be true in you case, maybe not.

Dakota · 08-23-2003, 01:56 PM

odds are at the age of 26 you have at some point already broken/torn your hymen so I wouldn't necessarily 'expect' to bleed when you do in fact have sex....

For me my first time I didn't have any problem, no pain or anything not much pleasure either cause we were so inexperienced but definately no pain so it's all good....

But that varies from woman to woman....

I suggest if your that tense about it don't do it til your completely ready.....that way there's no like 'expectations' that you HAVE to do it etc....I think in most cases when your completely ready your not tense about it

Good luck