BIG mess - Questioning sexuality... - Sexual Health - General Message Board

notamonk · 08-31-2003, 06:15 PM

Oh where to begin - I am 38 yo I am sexually attracted to other guys specifically younger guys - I have not been sexually active for about 20 years now - I question weather the same sex attraction is the same as being Gay - I do not label myself gay, except now I have a situation - I met a guy on a gay personals site he lives in Russia and is 23, I currently have a female roommmate and she is JUST a roommate no sexual involvment at all - The person I met from Russia is coming to live with me in a few days, I have never expressed to my current roommate that I am gay or even interested in other guys - I have been feeling terrible over the last week, barely getting sleep, etc. - Is this normal or what is going on with me I feel like I have made a mistake telling this guy that I am gay but yet questioning myself - He know that I have had a prior relationship and no other since then and he knows about my roommate and that she just lives here. Where do relationships go? I do not know any other Gay couples and I really do not have many friends where I live - I realize that it is kinda sad actually that I have been so closested and a loner in life for so long - Does this sound like a bad idea? I mean if this is bad then how do I ever know when the right time is to begin something with someone. I know this was alot of bits and pieces of info but maybe someone out there has some insight on where I stand - Also should I tell my roommate now? my fear is that the friend from Russia may change his mind and I will look foolish.

poreoilyme · 08-31-2003, 06:43 PM

I wouldn't be too worried. The odds are that your roommate already suspects your sexual orientation. Just because you can't bring yourself to define or admit it doesn't change what it is. If this is what you want and are comfortable with, go for it. You shouldn't live a closeted, condemned, non-sexual existence just because it doesn't fit the norm. It IS okay---unless notamonk means you are a priest, and then it's not.

notamonk · 08-31-2003, 07:09 PM

No, LOL - notamonk - means that although it seems like I have a monk like lifestyle - that is not what I am...

Hot Ice · 08-31-2003, 08:44 PM

38 and closeted? Don't you think it's time to come out. It sounds that you are depressed, maybe the solution is by freeing yourself.

People try to live according to what the majority of society accepts. But it doesn't necessarily mean that the majority is always correct.

My point is, don't let others dicate what you ought to do. Act according to what'll satisfy you and just face the consequences boldly.

[This message has been edited by Hot Ice (edited 08-31-2003).]

notamonk · 08-31-2003, 10:25 PM

Yeah - I guess I get depressed about it, I do not think it more than any normal ammount of everyday type depression though - I mean I keep up at things to do at work and at home and stuff but I just have never really been very sociable. The only reason I do not profess to be gay is that I am never involved - This is where I do not get the deal with coming out - I mean if I'm not sexually active or involved in a relationship then how can I 'give' myself a sexual label. I can see if I were involved and not truthful about it then I would be closted - does this make sense and if not then why not ---- and what do you mean by consequenses??? Gay sex where I live is not illegal anymore - so what consequenses am I going to face? You sort of sound just like I remember my parents attitude that sex is only for marriage and only to be done right? Tell me your perspective on the subject and what you know that I may not about the 'consequenses' -- from that statement I can only specualte that there may be more to this than I am aware of and would very much like to be educated..