Scared to have sex.. - Sexual Health - General Message Board

allcoholl · 09-08-2003, 08:00 PM

I seem to have a fear of girls wanting to have sex with me. I know that ya think I'm too young to be saying this (I'm 15), but I've had loads of offers from girls, and everytime they ask me, I get REALLY nervous and start to get really scared. I also get sick, but not enough to throw up. I'll continue to feel like this for a few hours, then it finally dies off. Lately, it's gotten worse, though: when I go somewhere (ANYWHERE), I start to get this fear that some girl will come up to me randomly and ask to have sex, although I'm well aware of how unrealistic it is. For some reason, though, I still think it. Ah, I'm just glad someone else knows how I feel.. it's a big big relief. I was told that it was anxiety by a friend who also had the same problem (he's 23, but he was just like me when he was my age, and still is extremely similar), and since then I've seemed to have gotten worse. I just started seeing a therapist a few days ago about anxiety in general. I'm too scared to mention the stuff about sex, but I'm gonna mention at our next meeting that it normally occurs around females that I think are good looking. I don't know, before it was simply me gettin all nervous when a chick wanted to do the deed, and then it started escalating to me not wanting to go to the beach because of a fear that I'd meet someone that'd want to have sex, and then it reached the point where I don't want to go ANYWHERE just for that reason. And I'm always upset and nervous no matter what. So I'm looking to get rid of this. I just wish someone that lived around me knew what I felt like. Does anyone have any advice for me? I've about had it, seriously.. every day at school I'm REALLY nervous all of the time and I have just gotten so sick and tired of it.. I mourn every day cause of this.. is it true anxiety or is this just a fear of sex?

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Matt

Meg28 · 09-09-2003, 12:28 AM

It's probably both.
It wouldn't be shocking that a fifteen year old would be scared to have sex no matter how good looking he was or how many girls wanted to have sex with him. It's still a scary step.
But it sounds like your anxiety is starting to spread to different parts of your life and interfering with your day to day function. It's good that you're in therapy. Have you considered talking to your doctor about this? You don't have to mention the sex part unless you want to. There are medications that can help you. Good luck,
Meg

Miss Independent · 09-09-2003, 03:19 AM

I'd say try not to think about sex when just going out to the beach or wherever. Just take it a step at a time and try to enjoy life without thinking too much about sex, you are only 15 and have plenty of time for that.

If someone asks to have sex with you at the beach then tell her that you'd like to get to know her better or spend time with her first. Most girls are likely to respect that and admire you for it. Im sure a lot of girls feel the same way as you also.

Sex can be a scary and daunting experience but when you find someone you love it will be something beautiful not something to be afraid of.

Good Luck.

allcoholl · 09-09-2003, 04:35 AM

yeah, sometimes it really seems that simple, but not when the friends are constantly on your *** about it. It's not like they're not friends.. they're just guys.. and let's face it.. most guys my age would take any ***** they could get. It's different with me. I don't even have any morals about sex, really, I'm just flat out afraid to do it. I don't think that if I wasn't afraid that I'd hold out, because I just don't really think that way.. I do wanna have sex with a virgin though.. to make sure she's experiencing what I am. Otherwise, I'm just flat out afraid and it's spreading everywhere now, and it kinda overwhelms me, I guess. It might seem cute, but it sucks..

allcoholl · 09-09-2003, 04:42 AM

I actually got some sleep though, so I don't think the anxiety will strike as bad as it usually does. Plus, I've had a lot of support from these boards, and it has made me feel better. Ah, I'll see at school what happens.. and I'll tell you guys about it.