Any married couples bring another woman in...... - Sexual Health - General Message Board

Frosty · 08-24-2003, 05:54 PM

To your "bedroom"?

My wife is currently dealing with issues in therapy relating to sexual abuse as a child, recently in therapy she has been diagnosed as "multiple personality" and also they are working on the possible scenario that she is a lesbian or bi-sexual (to be determined).

If she is a lesbian, obviously it will be over between us, but what if she is bi-sexual? I am not sure how I feel about it, yes I have fantasized about it, but have never been involved. I have told her I would consider it if she is bi-sexual.

Anyone have any advice from experience?

Thanks

Audrey-B · 08-25-2003, 05:46 AM

I've not been in your situation, but i'm very curious how these therapists "diagnose" a person to be bi or lesbian?

You say if she is lesbian that it will be over between the two of you. Does that mean the therapist will say your wife is lesbian and your wife will just accept that fact that she must be lesbian due to the therapist's say so? I'm just a little confused and worried that a person would have no idea of what they are and after some sessions with a therapist they walk out the door "knowing" they are something other than what they thought they were. Kind of scary actually, unless your wife had prior doubts about her sexuality.

Frosty · 08-25-2003, 04:00 PM

No, it really is not up to the therapist to "diagnose" being a lesbian, my wife is feeling attraction towards women (which she has at times before) but as they have worked on some issues in therapy those feelings have become stronger at times. My wife is in the process of trying to find out if these feelings are emotional, sexual, or both and if she ends up "knowing" she is a lesbian for obvious reasons we will have to part ways.

She basically says she loves me, still feels attracted to me at times, and at ohter times she has been fantasizing or finding herself checking out women. We are unsure if this related to sexual abuse she suffered as a child somehow. She had felt "different" at times when she was a child but who wouldnt if you were being regularly abused.

Parts of her "multiplicity" are in mourning and these "personalities" within her may be driving these feelings. What combinations of these parts as she heals will produce what result remains to be seen?

It is up to her therapist to pose the right questions for thought and reflection, but it is up to her to sort out the details.

God I wish life was simple sometimes!

Jan 2 · 08-26-2003, 09:35 AM

I can relate to what you are saying about your wife. I too was sexually abused as a child and find myself "checking out" other women. I am married too. But one thing that I don't quite understand is, why do many people assume that if someone is sexually abused as a child, then they have a higher chance of being gay as an adult. I am comfortable with my sexuality and sometimes wonder. I think society has too much influence on one's sexuality. Society dictates what is right and what is wrong. Technically, there is no right or wrong. No one can tell you whether you are or are not gay. Yes, I do agree that a therapist can help you sort out your thoughts because it can be confusing, but it sounds as if you are just standing around waiting for a magic answer from the therapist. Only she knows the answers. May need to see a marriage counselor.

gretchenclaire · 09-02-2003, 08:41 AM

I am happily married to a wondefful man. I felt comfortable telling him that I am attracted to other women. we tried it we like it, I guess you can call us swingers..soft swingers though. They is nothing wrong with being open with your sexuality, I feel more confident in myself becasue of it! and believe me my hubby LOVES it!