Spicing things up - Sexual Health - General Message Board

Jan 2 · 08-25-2003, 03:47 PM

I have a little bit of a problem. I have brought up to my hubby about wanting to spice things up and get a little more open in the bedroom. I brought up going shopping and getting some toys for the bedroom and just have some fun and no inhibitions. Unfortunately he doesn't seem to interested in the whole idea and he seems to think that I want to bring the toys into the room because I think he's not good enough anymore. Which isn't how I wanted it to come across to him. He's great in bed, but I have been curious about using toys and getting kinky and more open. Any advice about how to introduce the toys and to help him feel more comfortable about the whole idea?

Chazzz · 08-26-2003, 02:16 PM

It's not uncommon to hear about couples in your situation: the man likes to masturbate with porn but that makes the woman feel "inadequate." Or the woman wants to play with sex toys but that makes the man feel "inadequate."

Both of these problems, I believe, stem from a lack of communication between partners.

In my opinion, sex can only be "good" sex if it includes communication. If your man is threatened by your wanting to spice things up, maybe he needs reassurance that it's not about his adequacy or inadequacy.

But communication is a two-way street: he has fears, but you have needs. Maybe purchase a small vibrator and ask him to use it on you. Make him feel included instead of replaced.

One last point: when it comes to sex toys, some men fear that "once she tries a huge *****, she'll prefer it over me." That fear (unfounded in most cases) may partly explain your man's reluctance.

Good luck!

Jan 2 · 08-26-2003, 02:20 PM

I have been trying to talk to him, but it seems as if he is uncomfortable about it. Its a little frustrating.

BlueberryM · 08-28-2003, 10:40 PM

bump it up

6foot2-190 · 08-29-2003, 05:29 AM

Just keep bringing up the topic, especially around other couples that you're both good friends with. Gradually he'll lose the discomfort with the thought. Especially when he learns how common it is. I'd say there are probably more couples with toys than without and from my experience most of the best marriages use some toys for added variety and spice.