How to achieve orgasm!?!? - Sexual Health - General Message Board

xxrollinxx · 09-10-2003, 10:54 PM

Ok me and my girlfriend have been dating for a year. We have a healthy sex life as in sex about 7 times a week. We always have good foreplay too. Now my first question is, every time I give her oral sex she starts to tense up like she is having an orgasm, but then she will move and it is like I have to start all over again. I have done this problably hundreds of times and unlike past girlfriends, no orgasm. Also when we have sex, she tells me she enjoy's it but I only get a couple of little moans out of her and never an actual orgasm, at least that I can tell. We are open with our sex lives and I don't know what I can do to get her to orgasm. I have never had a problem with past girlfriends, I always could get them to orgasm with oral sex. I feel bad though because everytime I try so hard but I never get anything out of her. Help me please!

Thisby · 09-10-2003, 11:12 PM

Have you ever actually asked her if she orgasms? You two can't be that open with your sex lives if you aren't even sure if she orgasms and write "at least that I can tell". Maybe it's time to just out and out ask her if she does, and if her answer is no, what you're going to have to do to get her there. We women are so different that only her advice will be the one that does it.
If you can't do that, the only thing I can suggest is that you ask her to tell you when you're doing it the way she likes it, and try different things and MAKE her give you feedback.

Tigrazhia · 09-10-2003, 11:15 PM

It sounds to me like when she approaches the orgasm, she somehow blocks her in her mind.
Either she's thinking too hard about achieving an orgasm with you, which will just push the orgasm further away, or when she's approaching the orgasm she's withholding it for some reason thinking "oh I dont want to come yet" & it spoils the moment & sets her back to step 1.

The psyche is a powerful thing when it comes to an orgasm, I know the few times I don't get there myself, its purely because I block it in my mind.

I think you should talk to her...ask her about past relationships & orgasms... Was she ever with a guy who thought she took too long to orgasm? Does she feel that YOU think she takes too long to reach an orgasm & she's trying to rush it? Did she have boyfriends who were really quick & never gave her time to orgasm so she's trying to reach it before you are done?

I think the most important thing is to distract her from what is going on .... put on some good mood music, put a porn movie on the TV and get her hooked while you caress her, talk to her while you caress her, take her mind off of what is going on in the nether regions while you build her up...

Also might I suggest teasing her more.... bring her to a point where she is about to go over the edge (that step where you feel you have to go back to step one) then withdraw BEFORE you get to that point...go back & tease her again after she calms down, if you do this a few times it'll be almost impossible not to go over the edge, she'll be frustrated and very turned on.

I think once you achieve an orgasm, it'll blow away whatever mental block she has about orgasming...
and it will be easier if she's able to orgasm a few times, then it won't be on her mind so much anymore & it won't be so forced.

So talk, distraction & teasing ... Good luck, I hope she can get there, I know how frustrating it can be wanting to orgasm & not getting there.

Tig

PS: Also make sure the room is cool. A lot of times if it gets too hot, it really gets hard to orgasm even if in the mood

xxrollinxx · 09-10-2003, 11:17 PM

Yes I have asked her, and she always says yes, however, from past girlfriends, it is nothing like orgasms that I have seen other girls have. I mean tensing of the stomache muscles and things like that I never feel. She can't be having orgasm's in my eye's if there are no sounds, no muscle tensing, etc. She loves having sex with me, she always wants to, and I love her to death but i think she gets satisfied just by me being satisfied. That problably sounds like a man's dream, but I want to be able to do the same to her.

xxrollinxx · 09-10-2003, 11:22 PM

Thats the thing too, her previous boyfriend of 5 years, she said came before anything happened. I can go for at least 30 minutes every time we have sex, this includes and hour of foreplay sometimes. She loves when I give her oral sex but she just doesn't let the orgasm come. I will try to talk to her more about it and see if maybe i am doing something wrong. The thing that is weird for me is I have always been told that i give great head. From every single girl. And I know good technique and I have done it hundreds of times. So i know that the 39 different things I have tried, one of them has to feel good. Unless she has no feeling at all, but then I don't think I would get moans or anything. I coudnl't sleep because of this tonight. We had such hot sex, but she didn't orgasm after about 45 minutes of head. I asked her why she won't orgasm during oral and she said that as I do it she wants me inside of her more and more. But then she doesn't orgasm. Thanks for your comments please help!