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Old 10-29-2003, 06:17 AM   #1
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Question Too much sex or too little??

Ok my boyfriend and I have been living together for a few months. I am 20 and hes 26, so we are both still at a fairly sexually active age. My question is, sometimes we will only have sex 1 or 2 times a week. There have been times when we didnt have sex for over a week. Now I know that to some people this still seems like a very sexually active relationship, but to me, its not. I am afraid that my boyfriend isnt attracted to me, or he doesnt like to have sex with me. I feel like I am always the one to initiate sex. When we have sex, he tells me how good it feels with me etc, and it seems as though he REALLY enjoys it. But if he really liked it that much, why doesnt he want it more often? The thing that I have concidered is that he works early in the morning, and we go to bed at around 12. I like to have sex at night, but hes tired cause he has to wake up early the next morning. Im assuming that is why we dont have sex more often. He says he wants to have sex more during the day, before bed, but I dont like to, I prefer it at night. So Im assuming thats what the problem is. But I feel as though he just doesnt like sex with me sometimes. Its not even that I need sex so often, its just that I would like to please him, and when he doesnt want it, I feel so inadequate. Does anyone have any suggestions or opinions on this?? Also, hoa many times a week do you usually have sex with your partner?? Thanks

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Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cant change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

§ Mary §

[This message has been edited by XoThatGirlXoXo (edited 10-29-2003).]
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Old 10-29-2003, 03:00 PM   #2
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This could get long and analytical, but it won't because I think the answer is just so darn simple. Have sex during the day! Try it for a week or two- ask him in the early evening before bedtime if he wants to have sex. And even better is to ask him to set his alarm a half hour early so you can send him out the door with a smile. If you see an increased interest and frequency, you'll know he still wants you.

If he's tired and has to be up early, he's not going to enjoy sex as much as when he's fresh and energetic. And if you only want it at night, it stands to reason that he would just stop asking for it during the day. So you have a stalemate- he doesn't want it at night and you turn him down during the day. You both need to compromise, especially if you don't work outside the house and can be more flexible with your schedule.

Try it for a while and watch him perk right up! I'd bet on it.

 
Old 10-29-2003, 05:19 PM   #3
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Why do you only want it at night? It seems a bit unfair of you to demand it at night when he has to get up early the next morning. Maybe you are being too controlling about sex and that turns him off. Start having sex at a reasonable time of day!

 
Old 10-29-2003, 05:53 PM   #4
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Do you like chocolate?

Me too.

Would you like to eat it all the time, every meal?

Me neither.

Should chocolate be insulted?

Hell no.

Problem solved.

He likes it. He likes it better when he's anticipating it a little, instead of letting it get routine. Sometimes he doesn't want it. That's okay. Don't take it personally.

 
Old 10-29-2003, 08:25 PM   #5
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i think it has to do w/ him working and being tired when you want it. now if you wanted it whenever and he turned you down i'd see a problem.
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Old 10-29-2003, 09:47 PM   #6
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You wrote "I would like to please him". If that's true, then I would consider having sex with him during the day sometimes. Sounds like right now, it's when you want it, although you didn't actually say that you turn him down when he initiates it during the day, just that "he says he wants to have sex more during the day".

Anyway, I wouldn't jump to the worst conclusion (that he's not attracted to you any more) but focus more on how you two are going to have to compromise on when you have sex.

 
Old 10-30-2003, 04:16 AM   #7
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Ok heres a bit more info to clarify things a little better. I think we have a great sex life, we both thoroughly enjoy ourselves when we have sex. The main issue I think is that we have "poor communication" when it comes to it. I think he never initiates it, he thinks he does and I turn him down. I know this may sound funny and strange, but here is an example. He really likes my butt and breasts. I am one of the lucky ones to be blessed with a real butt, haha. Anyway, he always likes to touch me, my butt, breasts, etc. I take it as a joke, because hes always doing it. We could be lying on the couch or in bed, and he will be grabbing, carressing, whatever me all over. I take it as he just likes the feel of it. He claims that he is "initiating sex". I get confused, because sometimes he touches me just for the fun of it, so I never know how to distinguish between the two. Also, the reason I dont like to have sex during the day is because if we are getting ready to go out, say we have 30 mins before we have to meet friends, I have my make-up and hair all done, and every time we have sex, my make-up and hair get messed up. So I dont want to mess it up right before we go out. But, I agree with you guys, I will try having sex during the day. Maybe we can figure out positions so that my hair wont get messed up. I feel like Im being paranoid. I know he loves me more than anything, and I know hes attracted to me cause he tells me all the time. Ive also concidered the fact that maybe he doesnt have as big of a sex drive as Im used to. My ex bfs wanted sex ALL the time, so now that I got one that can do without for a while, I freaked out! But, thanks for your help anyone and if you have any other suggestions, please let me know! :-)


------------------
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cant change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

§ Mary §
__________________
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cant change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

§ Mary §

 
Old 10-30-2003, 04:23 PM   #8
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You don't go out every night, do you? And if you do go out frequently, is that more important than sex and being along tegother? I mean, he if wants and you want it, who cares about hair and make up and dinner? Stay home and eat each other!

Usually if a man touches you in the way you describe, he wants sex - he may be embarassed to admit it, or does not want to risk getting turned down. I mean, if I tried to initiate sex on several occasions and got turned down because my spouse didn't want to get her hair messed up, I would stop trying so hard. I might make an exploratory move and see what happened, and would certainly not admit to wanting sex, lest I be scolded, i.e. "control yourself, dear, I don't want to mess up my har".

Like you said, communications between you two needs to be improved a bit. At least you both love each other and having sex togehter, so this should be an easy problem to solve. And, you are taking our advice here in good stride.

 
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