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Old 10-31-2003, 10:27 AM   #1
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Red face Sexually unattractive -- or sexually INTIMIDATING

OK -- It's Halloween, and I have on my "Beautiful Witch" outfit -- eyes lined in black w/black mascara, red lips, and a very low cut lacy black top that reveals a lot of my 36C cleavage.

I may have shared on here already that I feel invisible at my job -- I was always used to lots of male attention and admiration, then stopped working in field ages 29 -- 37. Since I've returned to workforce I have been insulted and ignored so many times for younger and much thinner (in my opinion, LACKING in butt, hips, thighs and breasts) women.

Well I know that today I am dressed unusually provocatively all in the Halloween fun. I walked outside briefly to get food from a cart and got uncomfortable with the construction workers staring.

Point is -- the guys in my work haven't even noticed or acted any different toward me. Which leads me to think that it's not that I'm sexually unattractive, it's the opposite -- they don't even know how to begin to approach me! Too much for them to handle.

But how can I tell what it is?

(PS if this seems more like a relationship issue board topic, forget it -- they ban anything about sex including sexual attractiveness issues.)


[This message has been edited by mouse62 (edited 10-31-2003).]

Last edited by bfl; 11-03-2003 at 09:35 PM. Reason: posting of public profiles, email addys, are against posting guidelines

 
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Old 10-31-2003, 11:25 AM   #2
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Smile

Mouse, I remember your other post and itís true, many but not all men are interested in younger women. Itís interesting you were uncomfortable with the construction workers staring, yet from your own description, you were dressed provocatively.
I always found that quite interesting about some women. They like to dress sexy, and itís okay for some guys to leer at them (guys they think are cute), but if an unattractive guy looks, itís another story. Iím not sure what type of men you work with. Are they married or in committed relationships? What if a single guy, say in his late 40ís, were to approach you for a date, would you think he was too old? After all, you would be a younger woman to him.
You have to also remember that youíve been out of the work force for quite a while. Men have to very careful what they say today. Itís the pc society we live in. I work in a large company, and every so often we have classes on whatís appropriate to say or do and what isnít. If a woman looks hot, itís inappropriate to stare or say anything that may make her feel uncomfortable. She could report it as a form of sexual harassment even though no touching was involved. It makes us think twice about what we used to just take for granted.

 
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Old 10-31-2003, 11:32 AM   #3
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Cool

1. I'm dressed that way only today because it's Halloween. Normally, I'm pretty conservative casual, not much skin revealed.

2. The guys at work openly leer and make sexual comments to the younger women. (I've even got some of it printed out, comments made in email.) So these guys are pretty careless in that regard.

3. I would be delighted if the guys in their 40s and 50s would give me the same amount of attention that they give the younger women. They don't.

[This message has been edited by mouse62 (edited 10-31-2003).]

 
Old 10-31-2003, 12:32 PM   #4
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Do you want your male co-workers to leer at you and make sexual comments?
Do you think the younger women are flattered to be treated like that?
If those guys worked at my company they would be written up and possibly be looking for another job.

 
Old 10-31-2003, 12:45 PM   #5
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No, I would not like to be treated that way.

But I also don't like being completely ignored.

There used to be a middle ground. No, there still is -- guys invites you to walk with him to get coffee, makes pleasant small talk, nothing crude; you get invited to lunches, after hours things, even out of work get-togethers; . . . also there is a VIBE for lack of a better word that is SO obvious when a man is standing near a woman that he finds attractive. I no longer get that vibe.

I put a link up to my pic so you can see that I'm not some monstrous looking thing (pic is a year & 1/2 old).





[This message has been edited by mouse62 (edited 10-31-2003).]

[This message has been edited by mouse62 (edited 10-31-2003).]

Last edited by bfl; 11-03-2003 at 09:38 PM. Reason: posting of pics is against the posting guidelines

 
Old 10-31-2003, 01:03 PM   #6
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Talking

Never mind -- it's a social issue, not sexual attraction one. Reporting LIVE from the field: someone new (a rather cute young man, maybe early 30s) was being led down the hall by one of the guys who has been most ignorant toward me ( he completely excludes me from his after-hours and weekend socializing, he just had a party last weekend where everyone but me and a few other older &/or fatter &/or other-than-white women were NOT invited) -- I am walking behind them and the new guy just glances, then a second later he WHIPS his head around to check me out, then the jerk with him looked to see what the new guy was looking at and I could see the dismissive "Oh it's just Mouse" look as he kept walking and talking without missing a beat.

That's why I know this is a Social/Relationship Issue thing now -- so I will take this topic over to the other forum now. But thanks for reading.

 
Old 10-31-2003, 03:17 PM   #7
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I want to say that not all guys like women thin. I've known guys that love for a woman to have plenty of padding in all the right places. I very much prefer built. On the other hand, there are guys that prefer very young thin women. Believe me, I don't understand it just like you don't. But also believe me when I tell you that built like you are and in your early 40s will turn a lot of men's heads. You've got it going on more then you seem to realise. Don't let those guys in your office have you believing any other way. I can tell you that you sound fantastic to me. It's interesting to me you asked if they may be intimidated because many years ago I was in a lounge with a friend and there was a woman sitting in there with quite a build on her. I had a girlfriend but he didn't and I mentioned he should approach her. He said she look like too much woman for him. In other words he was intimidated. That really does occur.

[This message has been edited by imbythewater (edited 10-31-2003).]

 
Old 11-03-2003, 10:49 AM   #8
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Mouse, I think you are very attractive.
You may be putting to much emphasis on those men that don't even give you a second look, and it's competitive to you when you see them look at others with second looks.
Im sure they've already did all the checking out with you, but maybe at the time you didn't know cuz you were to busy worrying about other things, being new, learning your job, or whatever.
With the Halloween outfit, Im sure they were very discreet about checking you out, expecially since you've all been working together a while. In other words, they don't want to show any disrespect.
If it really bothers you, maybe you aught to ask the guy that pulled the new guy around, why he doesn't include you in his get-togethers and why he treats you like that.
But you really shouldn't judge yourself by what other people think and how they look at you.
I think if you truly love yourself and accept yourself, you wouldn't be worried about stuff like that, and you would naturally have this positive sexy image about you, that will autimatically attract a lot more attention.
I noticed on days that I really feel good about myself inside, I feel really good on the outside and see myself differently. People seem to look at me more and smile, even check me out and flirt. Im 39.
But on days that I feel really depressed and worried about what people think and why, I noticed that I get negative responses back from others and no seconds looks, I may totally be ignoring the good stuff or just not picking up on it in my negative thinking. It can really have a lot of control on you.
You've also got to accept that some men are immature. That they may like woman that are only under 20 or whatever. Men(boys) like that have a problem with themselves, and obviously aren't worth worrying about.
You seem to really be stressing yourself by looking for approval from others, when really, it's You that needs to accept yourself and approve of yourself.

 
Old 11-03-2003, 01:21 PM   #9
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Mouse, aren't you being a little hard on yourself? I just read your other subject that I posted on and you're married with a child. It's not like your single and looking. Your husband thinks you're hot. Who cares what the guys at work say, or don't say! You look fine. BTW, you should delete that link before you get into trouble.

 
Old 11-03-2003, 08:12 PM   #10
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Well, mouse, they say that youth is wasted on the young.

Maybe this is what they meant.

 
Old 11-04-2003, 03:50 AM   #11
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I don't think mouse is openly "looking" for a man, just that she feels lack of acceptance or even acknowledgement at her work due to all the exclusions and the way her workplace seems to be made up of cliques. I feel mouse is looking for any shred of evidence that that particular clique of people who exlude her would actually "notice" her in the halloween costume.

As with any cliques, people try hard to be accepted and sometimes to be accepted they need to dismiss certain other people in the workplace or be nasty to them or just plain ignore them, otherwise if they don't, then the clique may throw them aside and they'll end up on the "unpopular and going nowhere pile".

Back to the halloween costume, you are right mouse, most male coworkers will have a joke and an innocent flirt at least once in a while regardless of a woman being married, having children, or being over a certain age. Judging by your other post about your workplace, i'd say it's pretty clear that it's common knowledge that people are made well aware of who it's worth spending time chatting, joking and inviting to parties and who it's not. Doesn't mean you are a bad person, just that there is very likely a "main" person in the clique who sets the standards. There was a similar standard at my work, but the two main players had a falling out and it all fell appart and now everybody is more or less friends. It's made such a refreshing change.

ps: does the "banned" title next to mouse's name mean she's in trouble for posting the pic? i'm a tad lost on these boards with the new format


 
Old 11-04-2003, 07:38 AM   #12
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Yikes, she's banned!
I hope I don't get banned!

 
Old 11-04-2003, 10:09 AM   #13
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Yup, Mouse69 is probably banned for posting a link to a personal profile of herself, which actually goes against 2 guidelines: no links; no posting of personal contact info.

If you've read the guidelines, Pootsie and Audrey-B, and follow them, then you're not likely to get banned. They're the same as they were before, and while I can't find a quick link to them from a topic thread page, there's a link on the left when you're typing a reply.

There are a few extra rules that apply to the sexual heath boards do to the sensitive nature of the topics (like no surveys, or posting 'how-tos' in the teen board) but mainly it's common sense.

 
Old 11-04-2003, 10:57 AM   #14
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I wonder how long the ban is for? In the guidelines it mentions a 1 week and a permanent ban. I was hoping she would have edited that in time. Some members put their e-mail address in their post.
I didn't think that was allowed??

 
Old 11-04-2003, 06:54 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JAYB
I wonder how long the ban is for? In the guidelines it mentions a 1 week and a permanent ban. I was hoping she would have edited that in time. Some members put their e-mail address in their post.
I didn't think that was allowed??
It's definitely NOT allowed. It gets edited as soon as a moderator spots it.
As for how long her ban is for, my guess is a week - you have to be persistently uncooperative or really horrible to be permanently banned (I think... or at least I'm certainly not going to test it!).

 
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