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Old 10-28-2003, 04:49 PM   #1
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Question Husbands masturabtion, difference in video and picturee

My Husband and I have always been very open with each other. We regularly watch porn together and I am the type of wife that I point out attractive woman and read his maxims and playboys, I have never had an issue with his masterbation habit ( mine are probably just as bad)lol. The biggest point to remember is I have never gotten jealous over these things and trust my husband immensly.
A few days ago I accidently stumbled across some pictures of woman that my husband downloaded, each groups of specific woman and he had saved them to a file on our computer. I really was upset and asked him about them, he said " yeah I saved them off the net". Not a big deal right? well for some reason I am really upset, I guess the way I see it is: when he wwas watching porn I felt he was masterbating to the scenario, and with the pictures I know that he is masturbating to the women specifically. I suddenly feel a little bit inadequate. Am I doing something wrong that he has to look at these other woman (it isn't about the scenario of a good porn DVD anymore, its personal)and masterbate? Before you answer- I am attractive and thin and we are very sexual active- just wanted to eliminate those possibilities. I may be blowing things out of proportion but I am taking it very personally, I almost feel as though I have been cheated on. Help me understand the male mind.

 
Old 10-28-2003, 10:13 PM   #2
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If he uses Playboy, which is only pictures, isn't that the same thing? Could it be that the pictures he downloaded are more graphic than the Playboy stuff and *that* bothers you? Do you use videos or pictures when you masturbate? Do you think about other men and/or women when you do?

Most importantly, have you talked to him about it and asked him? If you've never had a problem with it before, it's likely that he just figured the net was one more place to get pictures. Why did these pictures trigger the response of jealousy? That's what you need to figure out for yourself. Then you need to talk to him about it and be honest about how it makes you feel.

 
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Old 10-29-2003, 05:10 AM   #3
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Yes we did discuss it. We always communicate and are very open with each other. He knows that I am upset and we have discussed it. He has never masturbated with a magazine that I knew of and the big issue is I never realized that the masterbation was directed at the women themselves I always found it to be the scenario that got me going, I just assumed it was the same for him. When I found those pictures a part of me said "wait- he isn't just looking at them he is masterbating to a non moving picture of a woman." We are very open and honest this has been discussed and I am not telling him not to do it- we talk and I try to understand. Maybe that is impossible and I just need to accept?

 
Old 10-29-2003, 05:50 AM   #4
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I understand how you feel. I have one question though. these pictures that he downloaded, are they from a porn website or are they specific girls that he may talk to on the net??? I have no problem with my boyfriend watching/looking at porn, but if it is of "real girls" as I call them, then I have a problem. If he is looking at porn of Pamela Anderson or someone like that, its different, but if some girl off the internet sends him a nude picture of herself I would be very upset. I hope that makes sense. I guess its just a "girl thing" to respond in that way. When a guy watches porn you assume that it is because of the sexual acts that are going on not because of the specific girl in the movie. But when a guy focuses on one paricular girl, then you tend to get kind of jealous. Its normal to feel like that. But at the same time, I wouldnt take it personally. It doesnt mean that he isnt attracted to you.

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Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cant change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cant change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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Old 10-29-2003, 06:20 AM   #5
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So my husband got a bit peeved when I admitted that once during sex I imagined that he was Legolas, the blond elf from "Lord of the Rings." I think it's natural to have specific attractions to more than one person and to include them in your sexual fantasy life.

 
Old 10-29-2003, 06:24 AM   #6
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HaHaHa Mouse, your post really made me laugh! Its so funny because I LOVE the blond elf from Lord of the Rings! I always call him my boyfriend just to make my boyfriend mad. He gets so mad when I talk about the elf. We always all him my elf boyfriend, just to joke around. But thats really funny that you posted about that! :-)

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Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cant change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cant change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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Old 10-29-2003, 06:49 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally posted by stinad2004:
He has never masturbated with a magazine that I knew of and the big issue is I never realized that the masterbation was directed at the women themselves I always found it to be the scenario that got me going, I just assumed it was the same for him.
So you were aware of his Playboys and OK with him having them, but you didn't think he was masturbating to them? You thought he waas reading them for the articles, right? I'm not even sure if people read Maxim for the articles, let alone Playboy! (Are there even articles in Maxim?)

I'm not trying to negate your feelings or lessen the alarm you felt at your discovery, but it seems a bit disingenuous of you that you "got" his porn and magazine usage, but are so shocked by the 'net porn. It's the same thing! Just a different medium. Nothing really has changed in your relationship. Maybe YOU were turned on by the scenario of the porn activating your own fantasies, and no doubt that was a component of it for him, too. But most guys are alot, um... simpler... than that. A whole "scenario" isn't usually necessary, a simple visual is often enough.
I can't speak for your husband, but just from what you've reported here, it seems to me that what he did was as innocent (to him) as the way the two of you look at porn vids and magazines and masturbate together/apart. I doubt that it means his feelings for you have changed; I doubt that it means that he finds you less attractive or in any way inadequate. Pretend for a minute that it was you who had downloaded some porn of whatever flavor you prefer from the internet (or better yet, go do so)and used the images to spark a scenario that you then masturbated to. Would it change your feelings for your husband or mean anything significant in the long run? No, right? So relax, OK? After all, internet porn is free --- maybe your husband can use the money he would have spent on vids and mags to take you out for a night on the town, or buy a fun toy the two of you can use together.



[This message has been edited by jamie17 (edited 10-29-2003).]

 
Old 10-29-2003, 10:40 AM   #8
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I wouldn't worry about it. Sounds like the two of you have a great relationship and the pics are just a source of some stimulation for him. I'd only be concerned if, like another poster said, it's pics of rl girls he's talking to online. I can sympathize with you tho, I'm prone to some jealousy when it's someone I care about alot, but try to keep it in prospective, because I'm betting he is perfectly happy with you.

 
Old 10-29-2003, 05:55 PM   #9
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You're obviously not a dumb lady. Nor are you particularly uptight. Therefore, I think the best advice for you comes from our Babe of Bluntness, Dan Savage of Savage Love:

The advice is Get Over It.

 
Old 10-29-2003, 08:18 PM   #10
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i'm was oposite from you when itcame to my last boyfriend. i got bothered more when he was watching films of people having sex rather than just looking at nudie pictures. i felt more betreyed by him getting off watching people have sex. rather than just looking at nudie pics. i'm similar to you in that i'm cool with reading his maxim and playboys. of course, what bothered me more was that he was getting off to watching other people and not giving me any.... i guess thats why i broke up with him... haha... oh well
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Old 10-31-2003, 06:38 PM   #11
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Thanks Everyone for helping me see a little clearer. Like I had said, my husband and I discussed it very rationally but there was still that little twinge of misunerstanding. The poor guy had been through so much discussion with me that he looked very stressed so I turned to you. Thank You, I guess I just had to get some reassurance. I am cool with it now. Lots of Love and thanks!!! AND HAPPY HOLLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!

[This message has been edited by stinad2004 (edited 10-31-2003).]

 
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