I have been dating my bf for four months but we have been hanging out for 6 months. We both love each other and I have never had such an amazing emotional connection like I have with him but we are having a bit of a sexual incompatibility issue and I don't know what to do. Ok he is bipolar and has an extremely high drive and I have a low drive. We both knew this going into the relationship but decided wh would hit that road when we got there. Well about 3 months in we bought the book "When your sex drives don't match" and we worked all the exercises and had sex and things were great. Well my problem I have been having is we will have sex and he will get off and often we will have sex again and again and again. Ok so five mins after this he has to masturbate in front of me and then we might make out and then he will have to masturbate in front of me again or go to the bathroom and do it. It's like it takes me forever to get him off and then five mins later he is getting him self off and it takes him no time. I mean I have even been with him where he masturbated up to seven times in a two hour period or less. He says he does this so he will not pressure me for sex but It makes me feel like I will never be able to keep up with him and fully satisfy him. I have been with several guys that have a high drive and if I do not want to mess around with them they would just deal with it. I love him but he doesn't think he has a problem and maybe he doesn't but I feel it is disrespectful for him to have to masturbate sooo much and especially in front of me and right after I've gotten him off or had sex with him too for that matter. I hate to lose what we have but I don't know if I can handle being with him doing this for the long haul. What should I do?
Btw he is 24 and I am 27
Last edited by Mod-S4; 09-03-2011 at 12:34 PM.
Have you considered masturbating him instead? Other than he says it helps keep him from pressuring you for sex, has he said why he feels he needs to masturbate so much? I understand once or twice a week or even a day but several times in such a short amount of time makes me wonder if he's not possibly addicted to sex? Does he feel he needs to masturbate after sex? Are you against having sex long enough for him to ejaculate a few times?
First off thank you for your response. I do masturbate him sometimes several times and when we have sex it is usually at least four times in a one to two hour period. To give you a better idea this is how it goes. If I don't want to have sex I will get him off once or twice. Within five mins he usually goes to the bathroom to get off . Comes back and in less than 20 mins gets off in front of me and then sometimes again. If we have sex he gets off and then within absolutely no rest time can go again and this just keep on untill I can't do it anymore. I told him that I think he might have a problem and he said he felt he was normal and just had a high drive that I couldn't keep up with and that he felt I was trying to control the way he released himself. Anways I just wanted to reply to your questions about my thread but he wound up breaking up with me because I couldn't deal with him doing this. Said I did it for him on an emotional level and if it was just that he'd marry me tomorrow but we didn't click on a physical level.
Sorry to hear you two broke up but by the sounds of things, it might have been the best decision. Two people who are sexually incompatible tend to find themselves in a relationship they are ultimately unhappy with.
Thanks and I agree with you but I believe we were incompatible because he was dealing with sexual compulsive behavior. Here is why I think this. I didn't realize it but he had been meeting people off of craigslist ( girls and guys) for sex. He met 10 people for this in less than 6 mths which was right before we got together. He also looks at porn alot and is into s&m stuff. I was also the only person that he has ever had an emotional attachment and not just a physical attachment to and lack of emotional attachment was another one of those symptoms. I'm just aksing your opinion on this because he was making me feel like it was all my fault and that he didn't have any problem because all the other people he had been physical with didn't say anything to him about it.
I'm sorry but I'm a guy in my early fifties, I've lived a pretty full life and I and no one I've every known could do what he does, let alone find a woman that could handle that constant neediness. That has to get old real soon! You speak of him "getting off" all the time but did he ever get you off? As often as you wanted? I'm sorry but I think he has some real problems. Bid him a fond farewell and good riddance.