my husband and i have been married for about 4 years and sex hasn't been a problem for us. he has had more 'experience' than i have when we met but that didn't seem to be a big problem. in the beginning we were initiating sex about 50/50 and it was great until his mother moved in with us...this did hurt our sex lives for about a little over a year. and now that she's left. we're trying to pick things back up.
lately i've been noticing that every time i initiate, he seems to have no interest or would even bargain with me. the only times we do have sex is if he's in the mood and initiates himself. In four years i've only said no to him once and still can remember the hissy fit he threw then...yet when he refuses i'm just suppose to accept it gracefully and move on. it hurts each time i get rejected and at this point i'm considering just giving up on initiating...but that just seems so wrong...
I guess you need to just realize that if you stop initiating, ultimately you are really just spiting yourself. You need to have an honest conversation with your husband. I know it will be uncomfortable, but it's necessary.
best wishes, Sue
The Following User Says Thank You to slenderella For This Useful Post: ConfusedBella (10-06-2011)
Hi Sue. I have tried talking to him about the matter...but he seems to be highly defensive and went into the whole 'i don't know why you're complaining when i get you off at least every other time' then added on top of it 'you should ask other girls'
don't exactly now how to start a conversation about it without him launching himself right into the defensive mode, since at that point there isn't even a point.
i'd like him to just realize how hurtful it is when i get rejected each time, making me feel unwanted and undesirable...which goes against how he gets all protective and jealous even when i go the the gym or even my yoga classes. so frustrated.
If your husband refuses to talk to you about what's going on, maybe having a third-party marriage counselor (or religious leader) guide the discussion would help. If he refuses to go, you'd probably benefit from talking to a counselor yourself. It sounds as if there are serious problems in your marriage. Is the marriage worth saving?
I hate to say it but your relationship is on a slippery slope. My first marriage ended after 25+ years and although the sex wasn't the "reason" we split, it was a factor at one time. I think I held your role in my situation. I basically got tired of asking and getting rejected or told to climb aboard and get yourself off. Sorry, but if I just wanted to "get off" I already know how to do that, thank you. So, over time I just gave up and she never stepped up and that was that. It's an inertia thing where it's easier to keep the status quo than rocking the boat and actually trying to get something done, ie - fix the problem! I do wish the the Best though!