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Old 11-22-2011, 09:41 AM   #1
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Boring sex or is it in his head?

I will be the first to admit in our long relashiption (16 yrs we were 15 and 17 when we got together) I was very uptight sexually. Lots of things have changed since then...he still needs to be the driver but (#1)I have tried everything he has wanted (EVERYTHING, if its safe and enjoyable you can bet we have tried.lol). (#2)Another thing that has changed is that he no longer enjoys giving me oral sex, when I have asked why he just says he doesn't like it...so for a normal evening of sex at home i perform oral on him for how ever long he sees fit and I just have to be ready for him when he is trying to enter me. (#3)He is working away now so he doesn't get to be pleasured everynight as it had been for a long time now, he gets very sexually frustrated and ends up causing many unnecessary agruements about it. I have agreed to many things that I never would have in the past (and enjoyed most of them) I have even agreed that he can have sex with someone else while he is away at work if thats what he really wants...am I crazy?

 
Old 11-22-2011, 10:51 AM   #2
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Re: Boring sex or is it in his head?

From a guy's view on this, it sounds like he has unrealistic expectations for sexual relations with you, and you are willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy. If he needs to get satisfied somewhere else while he is working away then there are bigger issues here. It's great that you are willing to do everything with him, as long as it's healthy for you and that's what you want as well.

I would never ask or expect my wife to do anything she is not comfortable with or enjoyed herself. I would also never want to be with someone else or allow her to be with someone else(not that she would ever do that anyway) no matter the situation or how long I had to be away from her. Telling him he can or agreeing to let him have sex with someone else is going to lead to nothing but major problems for both of you. Tell him he has 2 hands, and to use them while he's working away, lol

 
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Old 11-22-2011, 03:25 PM   #3
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Re: Boring sex or is it in his head?

I would be ok with the unreal expectations if he would acknowledge that I have come a long way, like I said I/we've now tried things that I would never even consider before but instead of being happy that I have tried what I have he keeps dwelling on the things I dont do well. As for using his hands he does that but I guess 30+ days that can get a little boring. I really appricate a mans point of view thanks...wish he felt the same as u

 
Old 11-23-2011, 08:50 AM   #4
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Re: Boring sex or is it in his head?

When a couple is together I believe that there is nothing that is off limits in bed. I agree with you about safety and enjoyment. It is important that both partners be flexible, but to have it be one sided is not ok. The oral sex issue is something that you can work on and like it changed before it can change again.
Allowing your husband to be with someone else while you may have thought you were being selfless is not ok. My husband is a surgeon and while he does not travel for months at a time, he does travel often and there are times that I do not see him but one time a week and when I do he is exhausted. There have been times when he has called me while away telling me how much he wants sex and trust me there have been times when he has been away that I have wanted it badly too, but we took vows. While I am far from a prude and even had a threesome with him because we both thought it might be fun, he and you are not free to have another even with permission. At first it starts out as just sex and then it becomes something more or something else.
While he might be bored taking care of himself, you might try phone sex or if you are able to you might want to go with him or visit him while he is away. As a couple I feel it is important that you keep your sex life fresh. it seems like you have tried and that is not always an easy thing. I would never give up my man to another woman and that is not being insecure. I know he loves me with all his heart, but I am sorry to say, and by no means intend to insult any of the men out there, but once a man's penis becomes involved in a situation things don't always work out as planned. Maybe talking to a therapist might be a good idea.
I hope I didn't sound too preachy and I hope that something that I said is helpful.

 
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Old 11-26-2011, 05:47 AM   #5
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Re: Boring sex or is it in his head?

Quote:
Originally Posted by marriedalone View Post
he still needs to be the driver
Sorry, but he sounds like a selfish lover and partner. He seems only to be concerned with what he wants and maybe I'm reading too much into your post but I see it almost as though he's dominating you in the relationship as well as in bed. It sounds like you've done all the agreeing and giving, and he's doing all the demanding. The fact that you have agreed to let him have sex with other people while he is away is very worrisome to me. In general, does he have all the power in the relationship? And what's wrong with his hand? Surely he hasn't forgotten how to masturbate.

As for him not performing oral sex on you, that's ridiculous. If you like it, and you do it to him, he should return the favour. If not, that's a huge red flag. Personally, I would stop doing it to him in protest until he comes around.

 
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Old 11-30-2011, 05:37 PM   #6
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Re: Boring sex or is it in his head?

i think he needs to get over himself!! and you are way to goood for him. i would never give my wife or she me, permission to have sex with someone else.i think it time to move on and find someone to love you for who you are and not what you can do for them sexually.

 
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Old 12-04-2011, 07:01 PM   #7
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Re: Boring sex or is it in his head?

hmmmm....so I would say that he does "wear the pants" in our relationship but is not overbearing on me. I would say that the issue comes right down to my self esteem, which has never been very high

 
Old 12-05-2011, 11:45 AM   #8
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Re: Boring sex or is it in his head?

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Originally Posted by marriedalone View Post
hmmmm....so I would say that he does "wear the pants" in our relationship but is not overbearing on me. I would say that the issue comes right down to my self esteem, which has never been very high
Your husband is very overbearing on you but your low self-esteem is keeping you from realizing that. Any guy who suggest and expects his wife to allow him to have sex with someone else why they are away is worthless IMO. Would it be ok for you to have sex with someone else while he is a way?

 
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