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Old 12-26-2011, 06:32 AM   #1
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Confused and worried about feeling betrayed?

Right, this is the only place I can talk about this kind of thing because he wants to remain anonymous. This has never been this bad before, it was bad years ago when they were obviously putting it before me. My boyfriend knew I didn't like his porn I wanted him to get rid of it, I don't know how we got onto the subject but I found out he had been touching himself over it when he knew I didn't like it and the thought just makes me feel sick of him getting off over these other girls. Why don't men think they are doing wrong by this, I don't understand he has been complimenting me and being really nice, when I found out he said "you thought you were the only one didn't you?". Why are they so hesitant to get rid of it aswell, it's took him ages to get rid of it, if he cared he would of got rid of it sooner. The only thing left for me to believe is they know it gets them off better than a real person. We also had another discussion about what if I was in one of those films, he said no because other men would w*nk off over you but it's alright for him to do it over other people? Can anyone make me feel better? He said he needs something to look at is this bullsh*t because he would rather jerk off to them than me? What's this sh*t about it's a man right aswell? if somebody liked you enough they would easily be able to use their imagination. The really bad thing is apart from this he is the best man ever, that's why it hurts so much.

I know what you are all going say, you're going say, get over yourself, grow up, there's not just you in the world but this is almost becoming a phobia, I don't know how to address this issue with my psychotherapist she is female, hopefully a man could tell me it means nothing. How can I rise above this, I just feel below. Do any other women relate to this?

Last edited by Prettyinpink86; 12-26-2011 at 06:42 AM.

 
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Old 12-26-2011, 07:35 AM   #2
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Re: Confused and worried about feeling betrayed?

I don't think the fact that he looks at porn is the biggest issue here. I'm concerned about what he said to you. "You thought you were the only one, didn't you?" That to me sounds like a very disrespectful, in-your-face kind of remark, like, how dare you think so much of yourself as to expect to be the only woman in his life, or to expect him to put a priority on you. His attitude as you've described it sounds very disrespectful. I'd be interested to hear in just what other ways he's the "best man ever."

I also think a big issue here is different rules for life. He is very, very into something you find very reprehensible and disgusting, as well as disrespectful hurtful to you.

I for one am not going to tell you to get over it. It's obviously a problem. A compromise has to be reached. You have the right to feel the way you feel. He has the right to be who he feels like being as well. If he cares about you at all, he'll make a compromise, but it sounds like he won't be willing to. I know you love him and you think he's the greatest guy ever, but I think it's time you started opening up your mind to the possibility that you might deserve better, and there may be a better, more compatible, better suited man out there for you.

 
Old 12-26-2011, 07:53 AM   #3
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Re: Confused and worried about feeling betrayed?

He is being a jerk to you about something that really upsets you. Doesn't sound like all that "great" of a guy to me. I think you need to tell him that for him to be so dismissive of your feelings is a huge problem and unless he stops being such a jerk then you're out of there.

 
Old 12-26-2011, 08:25 AM   #4
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Re: Confused and worried about feeling betrayed?

He has deleted it now, he is an intelligent guy, he said he wouldn't do it when I was there and that he wouldn't want to. I think the comment he made might of been him expressing some guilt and sorrow, he claims he can't remember saying it. I just don't understand men, I know watching people do it is fun and creates fantasies for you and your loved one, but I don't find the men in the videos attractive and I wouldn't want to pretend I was with them anyway. To make things worse his tv is really big it makes me feel physically ill, he might aswell of f*cked them for real. I feel strange like I don't want to give him sex after this.

Last edited by Prettyinpink86; 12-26-2011 at 10:43 AM.

 
Old 12-26-2011, 10:59 AM   #5
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Re: Confused and worried about feeling betrayed?

I gotta say, when a man says something hurtful to you during a discussion about something that means a lot to you, and then he claims he can't even remember saying it later, I think that's a very bad sign. Again, I'd think long and hard before commiting yourself to this relationship any further. He just doesn't sound like a keeper.

 
Old 12-26-2011, 11:29 AM   #6
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Re: Confused and worried about feeling betrayed?

He forgets alot. This might sound shocking but since being with him I have pleasured myself to the sight of men with each other (I did that before him), I don't class this as the same as it not one other person, and I am looking at the actions not getting off over their physic or pretending to have sex with someone else. When I have been with him I have found these images of other men going with each other is the only way to speed the process up when I touch myself because he can't do it for me, so I have to do it myself. I'm worried.

Last edited by Prettyinpink86; 12-26-2011 at 11:32 AM.

 
Old 12-27-2011, 03:51 PM   #7
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Re: Confused and worried about feeling betrayed?

Wow! There really is a lot going on here, many moving parts, so to speak. I understand your problem with porn, just like many women but I am frankly shocked that you would berate him over what he watches when you "get off" to two men touching each other. I personally enjoy the site of a beautiful women, clothed or not. But the thought of two men touching each other actually makes me physically ill. I guess it's a case of different strokes for different folks. My question to you is why do you have a problem with him pleasuring himself to the porn he enjoys watching, when you to the exact same thing? Doesn't that sound a bit contradictory? I feel like you both get rid of the stuff or you both go at it with what you enjoy and stop complaining about it.

The reason I said earlier that I saw your situation as "a lot going on" or complicated is that I think there are deeper issues in the relationship than porn. Here you are saying that he can't "get you off", so you have to do it yourself. Then here he is seemingly choosing porn over you; do you see what I mean? I really feel like the two of you need to put the porn aside, stop pleasuring yourselfs and show each other what truly does "get each of you off". I know it's super tough to communicate those kinds of things but if you can do it, your relationship has the ability to soar above the clouds! I sincerely wish both of you the all the Best!!

 
Old 12-28-2011, 02:10 AM   #8
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Re: Confused and worried about feeling betrayed?

He doesnt mind that, i just have a real problem with him getting off over one other woman, pretending he's having sex with them. He says he carried on because he thought i was going over the top. He has built his collection up over five years, weve only been going out for two months. I know its too soon to place demands but i thought we were strong porn in general doesn't bother me, or masturbation, it's the masturbation over other people that is a major worry of mine. If he fantasized about people without seeing them on a porno is different and not as bad. I feel like i hate him for not thinking this was bad behaviour, it sickens me to be honest. He said he didn't delete it as quick as i wanted because it would be me running from my fears. Does this sound like bullsh*t? There must be a man out there who doesn't use it in a relationship.

Last edited by Prettyinpink86; 12-29-2011 at 02:33 AM.

 
Old 12-29-2011, 08:09 AM   #9
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Re: Confused and worried about feeling betrayed?

Probblay because i am single guy its easy to say i think your partner is the most luckiest person to have such a good woman i've no idea why he would want porn when he has you to look at. If you leave him he will regret it but you have to be firm with him either the porn or you cause at the end of the day there are plenty of single guys would love a good woman. Including me

 
Old 12-29-2011, 08:33 AM   #10
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Re: Confused and worried about feeling betrayed?

I won't tell you to get over it with regards to your feelings......I can relate and I agree with you!
I will however tell you to get over HIM......he's no good, as LLM says, he's not a keeper!
he won't change, he will just hide things better and you can never trust him.
not all guys are like this.....get rid of him and find a decent one!

 
Old 12-29-2011, 09:44 AM   #11
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Re: Confused and worried about feeling betrayed?

I don't know to get over it, i know most men do it, finding one who doesn't will take too long. He claims its because i wasnt there and he needed visual stimulation, but he can imagine me sometimes. We will talk about it then something else will pop up that i remember he said in a previous discussion, and i just start crying, i know it has nothing to do with love but it still hurts. It took about two weeks for him to delete it. Not many men would do that. He said im the most beautiful person in the world to him, it just doesnt sink in. Has anyone ever dumped somebody over porn? I said to him if i was really beautiful and really good at sex would you still need it to masturbate he said who knows

Last edited by Prettyinpink86; 12-29-2011 at 09:52 AM.

 
Old 12-29-2011, 11:11 AM   #12
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Re: Confused and worried about feeling betrayed?

[/QUOTE] I said to him if i was really beautiful and really good at sex would you still need it to masturbate he said who knows [/QUOTE]

So, he doesn't think you are really beautiful or good at sex. Well, there you go. Enjoy being with someone who thinks so insulting of you. Leave while you still have a shred of confidence. Or spend the rest of your life knowing that you are just the towel to get rid of the 'stuff' while any random porn actress is the major partner in his sex life.
Angry for you, Sera

 
Old 12-29-2011, 11:59 AM   #13
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Re: Confused and worried about feeling betrayed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prettyinpink86 View Post
Has anyone ever dumped somebody over porn? (
YES and I would do it again!

your feelings are valid!

 
Old 12-30-2011, 02:32 AM   #14
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Re: Confused and worried about feeling betrayed?

Why did you dump over porn how bad was it? Why do they think it's harmless?

 
Old 12-30-2011, 06:43 AM   #15
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Re: Confused and worried about feeling betrayed?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prettyinpink86 View Post
Why did you dump over porn how bad was it? Why do they think it's harmless?
because it wasn't going to stop........after promising to stop and then I found it again, I knew he would just continue to do it and lie about it

 
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