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Old 12-26-2011, 03:12 PM   #1
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Husband won't penetrate

I have been married for many years but my husband refuses to have penetrative sex ...... so I am saying that I have never had sex as I was a virgin when we married ... obviously the hymen is usually broken with tampax etc but I hadn't had sex before marriage is what I mean

I am actually now getting desperate and looking at male friends and saying ..
I wonder what it would be like to ....
But I can't be unfaithful .

Any suggestions ... this is a genuine enquiry I know it may seem rather
a strange confession but I assure you its true
I domn't discuss it with friends as I live in a very small catchment area .

 
Old 12-26-2011, 08:42 PM   #2
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Re: Husband won't penetrate

Is there a reason why he won't have sex with you?

 
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Old 12-27-2011, 12:12 AM   #3
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Re: Husband won't penetrate

Have you asked him for his reasons for not wanting to?

 
Old 12-27-2011, 07:08 AM   #4
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Re: Husband won't penetrate

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wheeze View Post
Is there a reason why he won't have sex with you?

davee76
Have you asked him for his reasons for not wanting to?

I have never been given a reason as to why he won't attempt penetration

I honestly can't think or see any reason ... I am always more than willing
I take care of my appearance and frequently get many compliments from others - even down the street today .

Its past the discussing time to be honest - I want he doesn't sadly
I don't have an answer .

Last edited by Fieryimp; 12-27-2011 at 07:11 AM.

 
Old 12-27-2011, 09:49 AM   #5
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Re: Husband won't penetrate

If this has been going on for many years, I think you're at an impasse now. I would strongly suggest marriage counseling and if your husband won't go, then think about whether this is the long-term future you want for yourself.
Two questions, does your husband (or you) want children--or is this some form of birth control? How does your husband get away with this without offering any explanation?

 
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Old 12-27-2011, 10:24 AM   #6
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Re: Husband won't penetrate

Thanks for yur reply Lily2005

I'm afraid I'm now past childbearing years .. that wasn't on the cards anyway .
I have mentioned couselling years ago but he refused , I won't again .
I am your more " Old Fashioned " person who has never been unfaithful but its sure tempting . I feel I have to stay and just be without but its desperate as I have quite a high libido - toys don't do it for me at all although I do use them .
Maybe this is too much info and a bit personal but I have never had Oral either .
Its good to talk I just wish I had the type of friends I could confide in .. I don't have that type of friend that would keep it confidential and as I live in a small catchment area I really want to keep it away from wagging tongues
Many Thanks

 
Old 12-27-2011, 04:11 PM   #7
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Re: Husband won't penetrate

I'm really sorry for what you're going through and I truly hope you get to discover the pleasures of oral someday, it's easily my wife's favorite! My question to you is when you do have "sex", what do the two of you actually do? I can't help but wonder whether he might be gay? I couldn't imagine a women, with toys, wanting to make love right in front of him, actually aching for it and a healthy male not being all over you? I know it wouldn't take half of that to get me going.

I don't really know how to approach the subject of whether he's gay or not but from reading your post, I sure have to wonder. Good Luck!

 
Old 12-28-2011, 01:30 AM   #8
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Re: Husband won't penetrate

Quote:
Originally Posted by Whoopee View Post
I'm really sorry for what you're going through and I truly hope you get to discover the pleasures of oral someday, it's easily my wife's favorite! My question to you is when you do have "sex", what do the two of you actually do? I can't help but wonder whether he might be gay? I couldn't imagine a women, with toys, wanting to make love right in front of him, actually aching for it and a healthy male not being all over you? I know it wouldn't take half of that to get me going.

I don't really know how to approach the subject of whether he's gay or not but from reading your post, I sure have to wonder. Good Luck!
I don't ever think that oral will happen , its a lovely thought though .
We don't have full sex I get manually stimulated "only occasionally now" and I give a hand job thats it , I used to be treated to a type of tribbing where he would tease me with him on top just rubbing me with his penis .

I don't think he's gay in all honesty - he certainly doesn't seem to have any leanings that way - and never goes out alone in order to relieve any desire of that kind .... I honestly don't know
I am so at a loss as to what to do , we no longer talk about it totally closed subject .
I don't get any satisfaction from toys - and I am so very tight that I really can't find a narrow enough toy that feels comfortable
Thanks very much for your reply I appreciate it .

 
Old 12-28-2011, 10:15 AM   #9
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Re: Husband won't penetrate

Thanks for clearing up some of the details of your first post. So, after reading all of that and taking your word for the fact that he's not gay, or at least you don't think so. The only other thing I can think of is that maybe he is low on testosterone. It's not as uncommon as you may think and a number of things can cause the hormone to be below normal. I take medicine that makes mine plummet, so I rub this gel on my shoulders every morning and boom, I'm good! If he's in agreement, I'd have him get a blood test to see where he stands and even if it's not that, at least you can cross one more thing off the list of what it might be. If that's what it is, you may be very surprised at his friskiness once he starts hormone therapy. For your sake, I sincerely hope so.

 
Old 12-28-2011, 10:49 AM   #10
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Re: Husband won't penetrate

Quote:
Originally Posted by Whoopee View Post
Thanks for clearing up some of the details of your first post. So, after reading all of that and taking your word for the fact that he's not gay, or at least you don't think so. The only other thing I can think of is that maybe he is low on testosterone. It's not as uncommon as you may think and a number of things can cause the hormone to be below normal. I take medicine that makes mine plummet, so I rub this gel on my shoulders every morning and boom, I'm good! If he's in agreement, I'd have him get a blood test to see where he stands and even if it's not that, at least you can cross one more thing off the list of what it might be. If that's what it is, you may be very surprised at his friskiness once he starts hormone therapy. For your sake, I sincerely hope so.
It could be a case of low testosterone that hasn't been checked .. but this has been going on for years
He has fairly good health and although suffers from hypertension now he hasn't always yet this problem is long standing - I was kind of able to pleasure myself at times but I would like a proper intimate relationship .. I would like frequency too I have desires and they don't get fullfilled
I really need full sexual penetration to satisfy ME
Or even oral would suffice .
I'd like to thank you for your responses and suggestions - many thanks

 
Old 12-28-2011, 11:02 AM   #11
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Re: Husband won't penetrate

Did you say Hypertension? There you go! Not only can the HT causes a drop in libido but if he's taking any medicine for it, that could also be the culprit. He really does need to get to the doctor and get things cleared up so the two of you can experience the best of marital bliss! I really do wish you the Best!

 
Old 12-28-2011, 12:02 PM   #12
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Re: Husband won't penetrate

Quote:
Originally Posted by Whoopee View Post
Did you say Hypertension? There you go! Not only can the HT causes a drop in libido but if he's taking any medicine for it, that could also be the culprit. He really does need to get to the doctor and get things cleared up so the two of you can experience the best of marital bliss! I really do wish you the Best!

The problem has been since a fairly young age -actually since the day we marrried -The Problem was long before hypertension unfortunately so I know its not that
The Hypertension is only last 3 years approx
There is nothing I'd like better than to have a normal intimate relationship with my husband - he honestly doesn't want penatrative sex which leaves me frustrated and desperate ... I would so love to experience even oral which is not very nice to admit on a forum
thanks again for your responses much appreciated .

Last edited by Fieryimp; 12-28-2011 at 12:17 PM.

 
Old 12-28-2011, 02:31 PM   #13
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Re: Husband won't penetrate

How long have you and your husband been married? And you've never had intercourse (or oral sex)? It confuses me how a man would marry and think he could live like this with no explanation for his behavior. I assume he prefers to live like roommates. It will be a very difficult decision as to whether you want to live this way forever or divorce and find a loving partner with whom you can experience a full and intimate marriage. I'm very sorry for your predicament and hope you can find a way, somehow, to happiness.

 
Old 12-28-2011, 03:26 PM   #14
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Re: Husband won't penetrate

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lily2005 View Post
How long have you and your husband been married? And you've never had intercourse (or oral sex)? It confuses me how a man would marry and think he could live like this with no explanation for his behavior. I assume he prefers to live like roommates. It will be a very difficult decision as to whether you want to live this way forever or divorce and find a loving partner with whom you can experience a full and intimate marriage. I'm very sorry for your predicament and hope you can find a way, somehow, to happiness.
I am too embarrased to say on open forum to be honest Lily
a very long time - I wish I had know I could have had fun before I met him
is that bad to say ?
But I was the old fashioned kind and didn't have sex before marriage not realising of course that I would not have a fulfilling one after I got married .
Yes you are right he does prefer living like roommates .
I have to stay like I say I live in a tiny catchment area and can't broadcast a reason to leave as I get no sex .
Would you leave or would you seek pleasure elsewhere ?
I read somewhere that in the USA they have Surrogate clinics that offer a service like a surrogate service is this the case ? not sure I could use that type of service but I can see that it could be useful .
Thank yu for taking the time to reply to me - I really appreciate it

 
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