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Old 01-02-2012, 07:35 AM   #1
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sexless relationship looking for someone to speak to in same situation

I am in a sexless but loving relationship looking for someone in same situation to speak to. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years im coming up for 21 and hes coming up for 25 for the first 6-8 months our sexlife was brilliant. Then after that we would only have sex once every few months. But now weve not had sex for 6 months. We have been to hotels for the weekend i have dressed up for him but still nothing when i try touch him he pushes me away. He tells me he loves me all the timw and were always cuddling. I know im not ugly i always get lots of attention when i go out and im a size 10 so its not that i have put on weight or anything i have spoke to him lots of times and told him how i feel. Its driving me crazy as i love him so much but sometimes i feel like just ending it i know a relationships not all about sex but im a 20 year old i have needs! I know hes not cheating

 
Old 01-02-2012, 07:42 AM   #2
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Re: sexless relationship looking for someone to speak to in same situation

IMO, he either has some kind of dysfunction (at his age unlikely) or he's getting it somewhere else.

 
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Old 01-02-2012, 07:45 AM   #3
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Re: sexless relationship looking for someone to speak to in same situation

I know that he is definatley not cheating he is never out much to be able to

 
Old 01-02-2012, 07:49 AM   #4
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Re: sexless relationship looking for someone to speak to in same situation

He may not go out much but it doesn't mean he's not cheating. A guy can get in and get out pretty quick. I find it very hard to believe a young guy would really forgo sex that long unless he has a serious sexual dysfunction problem.

 
Old 01-02-2012, 07:57 AM   #5
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Re: sexless relationship looking for someone to speak to in same situation

And he doesnt have a xbox or any computer games or he doesnt og on a laptop or anything. And he still lives at home with his mum so hes not taking girls back to him house or anything

 
Old 01-02-2012, 08:53 AM   #6
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Re: sexless relationship looking for someone to speak to in same situation

Have you come out and just asked him why he doesn't want to have sex with you anymore? I doubt you'd get the truth if you did ask, but it's a good idea to get it out in the open and talk about it anyway. If he refuses to get help, see a doctor, talk it out with you, then you have a choice to make. You can stay with him and stay frustrated, unhappy, feeling unwanted, unattractive and unsatisfied, or you can admit that while he's a great friend and a wonderful man, he's just not what you need and want in a romantic long term partner, and move on. The choice is totally and completely yours.

 
Old 01-02-2012, 09:06 AM   #7
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Re: sexless relationship looking for someone to speak to in same situation

I have asked him so many times he just sayd we have been together for a while so hes not attracted to me as much as what he used to behe said he doesnt like girls with fat around the waist i have a little bit but im a size ten i og to the gym and im no bigger than what i was 2 years og i got upset when he told me this but he says he doesnt mean it in a nasty way thats just what he likes

 
Old 01-02-2012, 09:08 AM   #8
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Re: sexless relationship looking for someone to speak to in same situation

I'm not sure what other suggestions people can offer you that you haven't already gotten to your previous posts about this same situation. The best advice you've gotten is to leave, since this problem is ongoing for a really, really long time with no resolution in sight. He won't tell you what his problem is, he won't talk about it with you, he won't see a doctor to figure out what his problem is, so there's nothing you can do at this point except deal with it or break it off. Clearly you're not dealing with it well at all so you need to cut your losses at some point and realize this he won't change, the situation won't change, and if you want to be with him then there won't be any sex. That's what you're looking at, realistically. Him = no sex, anyone else = probably a lot more sex than what you've been getting this whole time.

 
Old 01-02-2012, 09:35 AM   #9
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Re: sexless relationship looking for someone to speak to in same situation

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adelex View Post
I have asked him so many times he just sayd we have been together for a while so hes not attracted to me as much as what he used to behe said he doesnt like girls with fat around the waist i have a little bit but im a size ten i og to the gym and im no bigger than what i was 2 years og i got upset when he told me this but he says he doesnt mean it in a nasty way thats just what he likes
So, ok, he's told you what the problem is. The problem is, he doesn't love you, and is no longer attracted to you. So, what exactly are you waiting for? I mean, what more is there to do with this situation??

I'm just going to be blunt here, I'm sorry, you're not going to like it, but I think it really is true...this guy doesn't love you. He doesn't have the guts to break up with you, and it sounds like he's just hoping you'll get the hint and just disappear out of his life one day. When a man really loves a woman, he won't stop loving her or making love to her just because she got a little doughie around the middle, and from what you say, you didn't even do that. I mean, come on, he has come right out and told you that he doesn't like you, you are not what he likes or finds attractive, and has basically stopped being your boyfriend. I don't know how much bigger a brick he could use to hit you over the head with to let you know he doesn't want you anymore. He's a coward and a jerk. Losing him is no big loss. Really, the smartest, most self valuing thing you can do is tell him goodbye, good luck and good riddance, put your walking shoes on, and walk.

 
Old 01-02-2012, 09:45 AM   #10
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Re: sexless relationship looking for someone to speak to in same situation

He does still love me he tells me every day he loves me he takes me out for nice meals all the time its not that he doesnt love me

 
Old 01-02-2012, 10:48 AM   #11
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Re: sexless relationship looking for someone to speak to in same situation

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adelex View Post
He does still love me he tells me every day he loves me he takes me out for nice meals all the time its not that he doesnt love me
He loves you. Maybe he's waiting until marriage before sex?

 
Old 01-02-2012, 10:52 AM   #12
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Re: sexless relationship looking for someone to speak to in same situation

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adelex View Post
He does still love me he tells me every day he loves me he takes me out for nice meals all the time its not that he doesnt love me
He may love you as a friend, but the fact remains, he no longer finds you sexually desirable. It's not that he doesn't want sex, he just doesn't want it with YOU. He's told you point blank you're not what he finds attractive. So, really, what do you think your options are here? And more importantly, why don't you think you deserve more from a relationship? Why don't you think you deserve a man who is IN love with you as well as loves you, and a man who not only just buys you nice meals, but you honors and respects you is proud to show you off in front of his friends, and who is passionate about you, and who actually WANTS to make love with you? Why do you believe that you don't deserve that?

 
Old 01-02-2012, 10:53 AM   #13
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Re: sexless relationship looking for someone to speak to in same situation

Quote:
Originally Posted by LessStress38 View Post
He loves you. Maybe he's waiting until marriage before sex?
I dont' think so. You used to have a good sex life, but he stopped. Your posts show that he told you flat out you're just not what he finds attractive in women.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 01-03-2012 at 05:29 AM. Reason: Please reply to the original poster, not other people's replies.

 
Old 01-02-2012, 10:57 AM   #14
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Re: sexless relationship looking for someone to speak to in same situation

Its not that he doesnt find me attractive its only the weight around my belly and its also beacuse we see each other most days and i dont think i could do better than him sometimes i think about leaving him but i would rather be unhappy than be alone

 
Old 01-02-2012, 11:08 AM   #15
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Re: sexless relationship looking for someone to speak to in same situation

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adelex View Post
Its not that he doesnt find me attractive its only the weight around my belly and its also beacuse we see each other most days and i dont think i could do better than him sometimes i think about leaving him but i would rather be unhappy than be alone
Well, married people, people who live together, and many people in serious, commited relationships see each other EVERY day, and still have good sex.

That's really sad. I'm really sorry you feel that way. But I guess that's your answer, then. You could go on a diet and a more strenuous work out regime and get down to a size 8 or a size 6 and see if he finds you worth sleeping with then. Perhaps he's punishing you by withholding sex until you shape up and look more like the kind of women he is attracted to. That's not a very healthy, or a very loving or nice, thing to do to the woman he's supposed to love. To me, that's not love at all, but it's clear you've made up your mind to stay with him no matter what. I can tell you from personal experience, though, after having been with a verbally abusive (and yes, making you feel like you're not good enough to have sex with until you whittle your body down to his ideal, yes, please make no mistake, that is emotional abuse) relationship, alone sucks, but bad company is so much worse. I'm so sorry you would rather be controlled and abused and made to feel worthless and miserable, not to mention go without sex with your boyfriend with there next to you, than be strong and independent and live your life on your own terms. All I can do is hope that one day you'll value yourself enough to change your mind about that.

 
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