coco1717

HI I'm very depressed in my relationship. My fiance and I been together for almost 3 years and our relationship has been rocky sometimes and wonderful other times. He cheated on me a few times in the past but we worked out the issues. My issue is that about a year ago i found tranny porn websites in his web history. I was shocked and grossed out. Not to discrimnate but I don't see the attraction of men dressed as women with fake boobs and a penis. I feel like its weird, like seeing a fish head on a cow's body or something extremely unusual. I'm not prejudice i just dont understand it.

Anyway he completely denied it saying someone hacked his email and i left it alone. But the issue would always come up. 5 months later I found it in his phone history. The straw that broke the camels back is, that he's in the army in germany (far away from me) and i found that he googled tranny escorts and his area and things like sex clubs and gangbang parties. In Europe prostitues are legal and that worried me, i'm not there so only god knows what he's doing. He works 12 hours shifts so i'm not sure if he's pursued any of these things. If he likes the porn thats fine but googling escorts in his area shows he wanted to explore his fantasy. I tried to make him feel comfortable when he came to visit asking him if he wanted to experiment with a ***** or do anal sex. He looked at me like i was out of my mind and wondered why i would say such a thing (since he doesnt watch tranny porn, yea rite -_-) He doesnt like anal sex and everytime i playfully poke him in his butt he gets grossed out. Our sex life is extraordinary and the best. We do it at least 3 times a day when he visits. He's not sexually unsatisfied.

Anyway, finally after getting severly depressed i wrote him a letter. I told asked him why couldnt he be honest with me, I'm about to be his wife and i want us to be honest no matter how ugly the truth is. I would never judge him i just wanted him to let me in because the fact that he is stuggling with these feelings saddened me. I told him if he couldnt come clean after so long i would have to let him go, i cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped.

He finally admitted and apologized for lying so long. He says he doesnt want to lose me and im his soul mate. His cousin played a prank on him one day showing him the website and after that he became curious. He feels weird after looking at it and says he isnt gay and doesnt know why he watches the stuff. I talked to a therpist a long time ago before he told me the truth and she says he may have a porn addiction and he needs therapy. I agreed to help him but i just dont know how. I'm hurting and i cut off all my hair and my eating disorder has came back. Not because of the trannie porn that was because he was suppose to be coming back to the states may 2013 but decided he wanted to finish his contract there and stay for 4 more years. He says its for his career and he'll make more money but im suspicious as hell. He expressed how he wanted me to visit any chance i get, im in college. What should i do? I want to help but im NOT A THERAPIST. I can barely help myself with my eating disorder. But he's in the army so he cant see thier therapists, im sure itll get back to his platoon. Maybe the distance between us leaves him sexually deprived and he loses control. He told me he wishes i would just move there with him and be with him but im in school. He's my first love and i cant leave him. Any advice?