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Old 04-26-2012, 01:14 AM   #1
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Erections, Pregancy, and More ... need help please!

Hi there.. first off this is my first time posting and I have a few questions. So, here goes:

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and I know he has an addiction to hydrocodone (lortabs). I have known about it since we first started talking prior to dating. He has come a long way in just this first year with the amount he takes. He wants to get off them completely and I support him of that as well. I know it takes a while and that he didn't get addicted over night so he isn't going to stop overnight. I am with this man for the long haul.

I have noticed however that every time he is "using" he is unable to either a) keep an erection or b) unable to ejaculate. Has anyone ever had this trouble also? Is there anything I am able to do to assist him in being able to do either one of these things? I feel horrible because when we are having intercourse or when I am performing oral on him and I can't get him to either stay erect or to ejaculate, I feel as if there is a problem with me. He says its not me and its the medicine. Is that true?

I also have been thinking about wanting to possibly have a baby with him in the future. Can hydrocodone effect the male sperm? Also, I have mild dysplasia of the cervix (pre cancer cells) would or could that affect me in getting pregnant?

I currently have a soon to be 12yr old daughter who loves and adores my boyfriend as much as I do also. He is such a positive influence on her as she has never had a good "male role model". She doesn't know about his addiction to hydrocodone as he never lets her see him taking any medication or see him when he is "sick" from not taking them for a couple days. I truly love this man with all my heart and I can see us being together in my future for a lifetime. He treats me with respect and doesn't lie to me. He has always been honest with me and I love that. I can truly say that I went into this relationship with my eyes wide open even knowing he had a addiction to hydrocodone. He doesn't have them prescribed to him as he buys them off the streets from the same person for over 3yrs now. I will give him credit and say that since June of 2011 he has gone from spending over $300-$400 a week on pills to now he is down to about $100-$160 a week so that is a huge improvement for him. I am not "condoning" this addiction by any means I just know how hard it is for him to quit yet, I see that he is trying and I am proud of him and I continue to encourage him and tell him that he is doing great by cutting back each time.

So, there are my questions. Any advice, help, anything that anyone can offer here to me would be of great assistance. Again, this is my first time here and first post so thank you for allowing me to post and for listening/reading what I have been dealing with for almost a year now. Thank you and I look forward to your responses.

 
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Old 04-26-2012, 01:03 PM   #2
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Re: Erections, Pregancy, and More ... need help please!

OK Mom, so I see no one has responded to your post so I'll give you my two cents worth on your situation.

Yes, that drug DEFINITELY affects erections and especially "finishing", period. He's telling you the truth and I'm sure it bothers him as much as it does you. As far as what you can do; not too much. It's an internal thing (prostate, I believe) with him but he should be able to finish if you're willing to put in the time. It's almost like the penis gets numb and you'll need to mix up pressure and pace to make it happen. What I'd really suggest is that if the two of you plan on making love, have him lay off the med for 4-6 hours before the deed. That should do the trick, if he can handle it.

BTW, this advice is coming from a chronic pain patient for the past 25 years. I've been on high doses of narcotics for years and sex is really a challenge and it takes a super patient partner to make it it work. Good Luck!

 
Old 04-27-2012, 02:11 PM   #3
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Re: Erections, Pregancy, and More ... need help please!

Okay well I guess I'll throw my 2 cents in...

Yes the drugs will keep him from being able to have sex. Yes the drugs can mess with his sperm count.

More important than your sex life, how can you possibly think a drug addict, because he is a drug addict, buying illegal pills off the street, can be a good influence for your 11 yr old daughter? Just because he hides it from her? Because she's never seen him dopesick? It seems like your plan is for him to eventually to get off the drugs....there is NO way to do that without detoxing and going through withdrawals. You can't hide this from her, now that you've immersed him in her life.

I'm honestly not trying to be mean. I am also a chronic pain patient since I was 17, I'm 43. In those many long horrifying 26 years, I've had 30+ surgeries, I wasn't always the best patient...a couple of times I got addicted to different narcotics and had to detox off of them.

Trust me, it doesn't take years to do it. It just takes the resolve and want to get your life back. You might want to wander over to the addiction board and read some of the posts, there are many, many people beating there addictions and most of them come by the pills legally. Sorry, it doesn't take years to quit, your getting fed a line. Your boyfriend could quit anytime he wanted to, he's just scared because it's not easy and it hurts.

You really, really need to step back and look at this situation. You don't pat an addict on the back for taking less pills, their still taking pills. Hopefully your a really nice person and there's nobody in your town that dislikes you or has a grudge against you, because if Child Protection Services were to be told of this and the drug addict that you think is a great role model for your daughter.....do you realize you could lose your child???

What are you going to do when the day comes that your boyfriend and your daughter are spending time together, he sneaks off to take a couple of pills, but since he gets his pills off the street, he can't ever be positive that he's only getting Lortab, what are you going to do when he freaks out on a trip from taking God knows what and hurts your daughter or worse...

You really need to take a step back and look at this situation...

 
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Old 06-01-2012, 11:30 AM   #4
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Re: Erections, Pregancy, and More ... need help please!

There isn't a whole lot more that i can add to what katlin09 said except for this...

I have been in your shoes. I was pregnant with my boyfriend's child. He liked to play around and get high from his painkillers. I kept thinking to myself "what am I going to do when this baby arrives?" I've already lost custody of my two daughters, and he just cannot be here when this baby is born.

Well, turns out he took care of that for me. I like you, was in it for the long haul. Well, he went to go get some pills and never came home. He was arrested!!!!!!! He is still in jail now and his son is 15 months old now. He doesn't even know him. Thank God. He bought them from the same people he always bought them from except circumstances changed. The dealers got arrested so in exchange for no jail time, they started setting people up for the cops. Thats right. So the same person that "john doe" was getting his pills from for years, are the ones that had him sent to jail.

Addiction is a very selfish disease. I don't care how much you think he loves you, he loves his pills more. Not consciously... but the pills are still there right? He isn't going to quit without wanting to do it for his own reasons. I urge you to get him out of your daughters life, unless you love him more than you love your daughter. I'm not saying that to be cold. But I lost the two most important little girls in my life to pills. Because i chose them over her. And when I got clean, it didn't matter. the damage was already done. I'm not telling you to give up on him, I'm telling you to stay away until he is clean. And not a weeek or two weeks clean. 6 months to a year AT LEAST!!!! Get yourself to a couple of alanon meetings. They have all been in your shoes and will teach you how to cope with this.

I for one am glad that I no longer have my sons father in my life. It took him getting arrested and going to jail for me to see it. He's currently in jail for another charge now. So trust me when i say, the illegal activity won't stop. Not until he realizes that these pills have a hold on him. They had a horrible hold on me, but it can be broken.

I wish you much luck. Definitely wander over to the addiction recovery board. these people can help!

 
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