In case any one wants to skip the long story my question is should I just get over his lack of effort and be happy that I am finally having an orgasm during sex after having nothing for more than 5 years? Am I being unreasonable wanting him to touch me or AT LEAST use the vibrator on me? Maybe I am asking to much? Do the majority of men even give oral sex?
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years and have been having sex for 5 of those yeas (we are each other's first and only partners). We are both 21 and live together during the school semesters. Sex with him has always been just...fine, intercourse feels fine but there isn't much else to it. I have been giving him oral sex since I can remember but he has given it to me 4 times in the 6 years we have been dating. Those 4 times he was down on me for less than 2 minutes each. I am clean, I am shaven, and I do not understand. He uses my underwear to masturbate so I know he doesn't hate the smell. And to be honest I have tasted myself and I do not taste bad! He claims to not like the wetness on his face but when i give him oral sex he will c*m on my face and he likes sloppy bj's with spit covering my face. Not to mention my blow jobs are 30 minutes plus. I realized a few months ago that I am not OK giving oral if I do not receive it so I have since stopped.
When I went on the birth control pill two years ago is when I started to really resent him sexually. It became difficult for me to get wet and although I mentioned this to him on numerous occasions he never showed much interest in foreplay. His idea of foreplay is to kiss me for a few minutes and suck on my breasts for a minute then he is ready to dive in. The problem is that I was usually not wet enough and the sex became so painful that I once cried out accidentally, as much as I tried to hold it in, and we had to stop for a few minutes. I allowed him to finish because I felt guilty but it was still painful. Since then we've had sex maybe once a month.
He has given me an orgasm only once in 6 years. After a long talk where I told him I needed more he rubbed my cl!t until I had an orgasm and I thought things were finally getting better. I know he has confidence issues about being able to please me so I thought being able to make me c*m would boost his confidence! I was so happy afterward that I was willing to overlook the fact that as soon as I finished he looked at me almost disgusted and asked what he should "do with this" referring to my wetness on his hand. Unfortunately my vag. hasn't seen his hand since.
I have started to become self conscious about my body and believe that he must find me disgusting to want to wipe his hand off the one time he played with me. I haven't been fingered in years and if he touches my vag. it is through my underwear. As soon as sex finishes he wants to get up and wipe off. He hates it when he pulls out and his c*m drips on to him if I am on top. He will literally get up as fast as possible to prevent this. Also, when I did give him oral whether he came in my mouth or not he would not kiss me afterwards. So if I gave him oral as foreplay I could forget about kisses during sex. The few times he gave me oral I practically attacked his mouth wanting to taste myself. I can't help feeling rejected and disgusting after all that has happened! Yet he assures me that he doesn't find me disgusting. I understand that some people do not like giving oral but is it to much to want him to touch me?
We have talked and he has made an effort to not jump up to clean off after sex but not much else has changed. I have to plan sex ahead of time and watch porn by myself so that I can get wet so sex won't be painful. I have told him that I have to get myself ready by reading porn or a sexy book and he pretty much leaves me alone until I call him over for sex. He has never offered to help me get ready or to engage in these activities with me. Sometimes I feel like I do not have a right to ask him for his help that maybe during sex we should just take care of ourselves but then I remember those long blow jobs and the many times I have made him c*m and the resentment builds.
During sex I now use a vibrator which he hated at the beginning. Now that I use it I think he feels less responsible for my pleasure. I am tempted to use my vibrator next time, c*m quickly and then get up, leaving him sexually frustrated like he has left me all these years. It has gotten to the point that if he suddenly offered I would feel to disgusted to allow him to give me oral and to uncomfortable to allow him to touch me. I would feel that he were doing it against his will.
So my question is should I just get over it and be happy that I am finally having an orgasm during sex after having nothing for more than 5 years? Am I being unreasonable wanting him to touch me or AT LEAST use the vibrator on me? Maybe I am asking to much? Do the majority of men even give oral sex?
I have exactly the opposite problem. I give my wife oral pretty nearly every session, but I've had 5 69s and 1 BJ in 5 years.
I'm the type that is super-concerned with ensuring my spouse has all the pleasure she wants, but get little in return.
I for one don't mind terribly giving oral, I do prefer clean-shaved, and while sometimes the smell isn't great I always bear it. The worst part is usually how sore and tired my jaw and tongue get....sometimes its too much and if it goes on beyond 30 minutes or so sometimes its just to painful to continue....but I do it all because I love her and want to give her pleasure.
So, while I only have my own experience to draw from, I'd say that it's normal for a man to give oral, but it sounds like it's the disgust factor that prevents him from doing it. Yeah my face and facial hair get 'moistened' but I just wash my face afterwards. And I'm the type to be grossed out by a baby's saliva, spit-up, or diaper, or many other kinds of messes.
How to resolve that issue of him being grossed out by your fluids is beyond me though... either he loves you enough to get over it, or his disgust is so strong that it'll never happen. Maybe its the same with my wife but she just never admits that she finds penises disgusting (outside of intercourse)?
Short answer: No, you should not be satisfied. Not for a second.
I can almost guarantee that the resentment you are going to feel being with a partner that selfish is really going to build and creep into other aspects of your relationship. So unless this guy makes up for his incredible selfish behaviour in the bedroom - and I'm talking REALLY makes up for it, big time - I'd say you need to get this resolved one way or the other.
And from my experience, yes, the majority of men will give oral - many very happily. Only one of my partners has ever done it a few times at first and then stopped. And yep, eventually I resented the heck out of it and needless to say, we're not together any more. In fact, I wish I'd seen it as a indication of his overall personality and ended much earlier.
Many men would like to have you as a partner. You should not be satisfied with the way you are treated. Your situation is the exact opposite of mine and I feel frustrated as man not getting enough sex and doing all the work during sex. I'm a equal partner person, who believes in give and take. I took time to please my wife but she never do the same for me. I'm not sure if is her religious that is causing that or she is just a poor lover. If there is one thing I regret in my life, this will rank in top five. I just want to move on at this point cos in my marriage but there is a lot that has being invested for both of us and who knows if anything is better out there. I have tried to communication my sexual need directly and indirectly but the response i always get is that is this only reason you love me. Your partner is surely disgusted in some way by your need and want in sexuality, your best course is to satisfied your however you see it, be it porn, toys or human.If there is no kid involve for both of you I suggest you run now, cos these kind of people cant change over night.
In answer to your questions, no you are not asking too much. Yes there are men that enjoy pleasing women in the way you want. You should not settle for a sexual relationship that leaves you unsatisfied. He is being selfish and you shouldn't have to get yourself excited without his help. Loving someone and wanting to please them go hand in hand. Why doesn't he want to please you?
Unless he changes, this will be your sexual life. Can you live with that? This will affect your confidence throughout life.
I have experienced both types of relationships. I am married now almost thirty years to the most considerate man who wants to please me and I want to please him. We have a loving relationship with mutual respect. It is the most wonderful feeling and I hope you are able to experience it in your lifetime.
Your post is exactly why I'm here looking in this forum this morning. I'm in the same boat. My man is old schooled, Latin, Catholic.. We're getting through it but I so understand where you are.. We have talked in depth, I have been blunt and up front like you..For him its a Catholic guilt trip about Pleasure/Original Sin and what ever else goes along with that. He is trying and on occasion pleasing me with oral and fingers but I hear you so loud and clear.. He goes down on me sporadically. When he got up and brushed his teeth, then came back to finish with intercourse I thought YOU"VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.. Good luck to you (me too and any other women who are dealing with this)
There seems to be a unique and same problem among catholic relationship. My partner was the same way. Is like the some section of catholic take the teaching at a face value and anything outside that is a sin and not according to God ways( Really a God way that was spoking by sinful flesh or human being). I admire your courage to talk about this stuff with partner, for me to talk about is hard cos she will think i'm not interesting in her and feel like i used her. I'm so lost on what to do, we dont have sex unless i make the move, we do anything unless i start anything. I wish she could just come to me rip things out of my pant, but that would never happen for sure. Good luck to this catholic love, you are not alone.
My relationship is only 2 1/2 years along.. I told him from the beginning SEX was important to me.. He showed me positive things that gave me the impression that a well rounded sex life was in store.. later into the relationship things backed off.. All of a sudden none of this and none of that was taking place. I had to talk to him because I'm not going to have a relationship where you cant speak of things that are of concern. I already did that when I was married. I'm not going to do it again..Talk to her. What have you got to loose?
Like i said before, when i came out direct of things should be, the response is it only sex u like me for, then I have to change to no. When I tried to implied, she say what are you saying. I have tried to walk out of these relationship but i dont known what expect outside, and she will cried which i make me have a u turn. When i was busy with my study, i suppress my sex life but after done with study, i just want have it all the time and i'm not getting it. I cant even get a BJ, if we get twice a week that must be a luck and it will only last 5min at most before she is tired. I have please her with toys, massage, touch, going down as many time i have lost count, she cant even touch my P, how worst cant it be. I have given up, what do u think.
Are you kidding? He might your boyfriend but he is not your partner? He needs to learn how to please a woman, how to take his time and caress you like a woman deserves.
No you shouldnt put up with that. but is he willing to change?
He sounds like an inexperienced fool and is so lucky to be with a girl like you. You are a sexual creature and this guy seems to be like a robot?
Your too good for him and say get rid of him, as hes not goin to change in a hurry. Us guys cant, we dont have the inclination.
I can sort of relate to him and it will take time for him to find it out how to appreciate a woman thats so sexually enlightened like yourself.
Whether or not you can sit down and talk to him about how frustrated you are and the lack of interest he has for you. It sounds like hes taking you for granted, and yes put the ball in his court.
See what he does if you do leave him sexually frustrated. I bet he will lose his mind and go nuts! But what right does he have complain having left you unsatisfied for so long? Tell him about it and and teach him a lesson. Maybe he might learn something?
Perhaps you might wonder if the way you feel will pass now that your having orgasms?
If he loves you in time you will work through this, but both of you must come to together and discuss your future.
The funny thing is you have a say in what goes on in the bedroom too.