It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Sexual Health - General Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-05-2012, 07:30 AM   #1
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Washington, D.C.
Posts: 2
Mustang4life HB User
Girlfriend Moved In, Now we don't have sex...

Basically, my gf of 11 months moved in with me. At the same time as moving in she applied or and interviewed for a promotion. She got the promotion and the new job is much more difficult, although pays more. Moving her stuff into my place was an ordeal as well. We also went on a weekend trip to go see her family for Memorial Day Weekend. That was all in the last 3-4 weeks.

During that time she had said she was "sad" "nervous" "stressed" etc...So we did not have any sex, except for once she gave me an hj. It was something that was bothering me and I bugged her about it. We argued about who does what around the apartment. We have also realized we both have different routines before bed and waking up in the morning.

Like I said above, we had not had sex in about 3-4 weeks until last night. Here is what went down:

June 4th was the day we had our first date; so one year ago we had our first date. So I thought I would surprise her with something special. I told her I would pick her up from work and take her to dinner. But where we were going for dinner I would not say. I took her to the place we had our first date at; which she thought was cute and nice of me to do. On the way home a 20min drive turned into a 1.5hr drive due to traffic. We yelled at me and was very annoyed. After arguing she said sorry and explained her period is due soon.

We get home and got ready for the night. We watch some TV. Eventually, we talk about having sex and she tells me to get a condom. So I do. We start kissing and I try to play/lick her breasts (which I have always done) and she told me I couldn't because they were sore. She claims her period is coming (which is about right, about 4-5 days away). She then suggests I give her oral (which I usually have to initiate) and I go down on her. Only to have her say it tickles and to stop. Then she wants to get up to turn the light off. By this time I lost my erection. So I get another condom and we go back to kissing. She gives me an hj and I put a new condom on. She says we can do it now. Problem is she is DRY as a bone. I have to go so slowly in order not to hurt her. Once in everything was fine. She was moaning and said it felt really good.

After sex we talk about why it was awkward and why she was dry. She said maybe we should take baby steps like when we first dated since it has basically been 1 month since we last had "real" sex; hj's don't count. I said no. She said she feels fat and wants to lose 15lbs and doesn't feel sexy. I think she is crazy (didn't say that) just said she wasn't fat and looked great, which is true. I think she is getting nervous because our trip to see my relatives is about 20 days away and we are going to be at a lake house. This means she is going to have to wear a bathing suit. She told me about a week ago she needed a new one and one that makes her look good.


What is going on with my relationship? Why once she moves in we are not intimate for 4 weeks? And when we do she was dry? I couldn't help but ask her if she is not attracted to me anymore, which she replied that she was.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 07-02-2012, 02:06 AM   #2
Veteran
(female)
 
WhenItRains's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 482
WhenItRains HB UserWhenItRains HB UserWhenItRains HB UserWhenItRains HB UserWhenItRains HB UserWhenItRains HB UserWhenItRains HB User
Re: Girlfriend Moved In, Now we don't have sex...

Moving in together can be a huge adjustment for some people.
Sounds like new job and new place are effecting her stress levels,and nothing kills sex drive faster then stress.
Sometimes living together takes the excitement out of things as well...you see each other so much more and little things can cause disagreements (such as who does what around the house).It can become mundane or repetitive.

Her idea of baby steps is not really a bad idea...They say the best sex is usually had on vacation.Something about the raise of dopamine levels it causes.Take her to a nice hotel or add some novelty to your relationship.

Also,maybe it's just me,but I hate it when my boyfriend asks if I want to have sex.It feels too planned.I prefer spontaneity and when he just makes a move rather then asking.

 
Old 07-05-2012, 11:11 PM   #3
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: melbourne, vic, australia
Posts: 10
m005e HB User
Re: Girlfriend Moved In, Now we don't have sex...

I had a similar issue with my partner when we first moved in together. We have been with one another for about a year and a half now.

We met one another online, met up, and have been intimate since day one. We simply just were meant for one another. We were having sex about 4-5 times a day for almost three month while we were both studying. Since then I finished studying and got an extremely full on job in I.T. I wake up at 6am every morning and get home around 7pm with one or two later nights every fortnight.

When we first moved in our sex life went from ridiculous to nothing. We would both be horny at separate times, I’d be masturbating at work from random arousal she’d be doing the same at home. Then when we got back to each other, neither would be interested. We tried forcing it a few times and hit that ‘dry’ wall you were talking about.

Our biggest solution wasn’t spicing sex up (tried that too), it wasn’t sex toys or anything like that to get it going again. The few things that really helped for us were these:

First, Lube. Wow does it make a difference. Regardless of whether she is horny, dripping wet or bone dry, we still use lube every time we have sex. It really just makes things easier.

Second, constantly looking at each other, smiling and saying our names. I honestly feel like this was one of the biggest catalysts to getting things going again. I started looking at photos of her while travelling, put her pictures up around my desk, I was in love with her from day one and these things just pulled me closer and closer to her. She did similar things too, always making sure I was on her mind instead of boys in magazines. Ensuring that photos of me were everywhere on her Facebook and mobile phone. Somehow just realizing the person you love is there, seriously makes sex life so much more intense. I never made a sound with other partners, I can’t help but grunt and moan as we make love it’s so intense now.

Third, we make damn sure we don’t stop. We have sex on a very regular basis, but never planned: there is no ‘7:30 quickies’ or something. Almost every day we will have sex at least once but more often than not twice. Normally early in the evening a quickie does the trick to get us both in the mood for later.

Forth, we don’t fall into habit when making love. Even though I said we normally start the evening with a quickie that doesn’t mean it’s set in stone. Sometimes you really aren’t up for it, sometimes she isn’t; try not to let either of you get upset from that fact. It is completely normal.

Fifth, make sure it’s worth it for her. Don’t fall into not pleasing her. Sex is for the two of you. Her moaning isn’t enough. Unless she is clenching down and arching her back you’re not treating your loved one with the same amount of care she is for you. She doesn’t have to orgasm on you every time but make sure she has one.

Lastly, I am not a sex god and don’t take everything I said completely to heart. Each of the above is based off my experiences which may differ extremely to your own. The only one I would say should be fundamental is the last one. For the love of all things, make her orgasm.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-05-2012 at 11:42 PM. Reason: TMI removed.

 
Closed Thread




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



lenvegas (12), rosequartz (8), writeleft (6), Kszan (5), solofelix (5), Tivo123 (4), ladybud (4), Titchou (4), Kali333 (4), captjane (4)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1005), Apollo123 (905), Titchou (848), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (759), ladybud (754), midwest1 (669), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:11 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!