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Old 06-20-2012, 01:53 PM   #1
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Masturbating in my sleep?

My wife of 20 years has always had a general lack of sexual desire - difficulty expressing intimacy, no real interest in it and no empathy for mine. Sex and sensuality have always been very infrequent activities, and so over the years I began masturbating a few times a week in order to ease the pressure.

Believe it or not, I am devoted to her and I always thought of her during the act. Then I realized a little over a year ago that it wasn't actually her in my thoughts, but my fantasy of what I wanted her to be (same, but more sensual). I noticed that it was actually hard to be around her afterward because she didn't measure up to that image.

So last year I just stopped. No more masturbating and no more fantasizing. Time to live in the real world. For the most part it has helped, as I no longer see her as something she isn't. My physical desire for her, and for sex in general has calmed down quite a bit.

My current 'dry spell' has been about six months. In the past couple of weeks, my wife has reported that I have been masturbating in my sleep. I have no recollection, but the other morning I was a little sore so I started wondering... can this be real? According to her, I am really going at it. She says she wakes me up and makes me stop, but I honestly don't remember anything. Also, I'm not finishing, or at least there isn't any evidence to suggest that - but I am also being interrupted ...

I am wondering if this is some sort of side effect of my lack of sexual activity. Either way - this needs to stop. If I am doing this unconsciously, well that would be the worst thing possible. Beyond humiliating, my biggest worry is if I did this somewhere other than my own bed...

Any thoughts? Time to see a doctor?

Last edited by junkmale42; 06-20-2012 at 11:26 PM.

 
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Old 07-08-2012, 09:45 PM   #2
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m005e HB User
Re: Masturbating in my sleep?

Quote:
Originally Posted by junkmale42 View Post
Any thoughts? Time to see a doctor?
^

I have never heard of this. My first thought was "Is she putting it on?", if she isn't; that is really unusual and understandably awkward. However I don't think you should feel embarrassed about it with your lady. Boys have wet dreams from a young age, your body just knows what to do with it by default now!

My second thought would be to try get rid of some of that sexual tension, either sex itself or masturbation again. Or, try opening up to her? Maybe her lack of sexual desire comes from feeling un-sexy. Honestly if you want to masturbate over her why not ask her to help out and take some photos or movies or something? That way you get to masturbate and possibly get the wife of your fantasy (worked for me).

Honestly I wouldn't stress try solving it with her first and just sorting out your sex life. Talking to women can go a long way. That being said I haven't been married for 20 years so maybe I was lucky getting in early.

 
Old 07-15-2012, 04:53 PM   #3
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boogabear HB Userboogabear HB Userboogabear HB User
Re: Masturbating in my sleep?

That is unusual. I have never heard of it either. If she wakes you up you surely know if you have an erection or not. If not, then it is unlikely you are mastrbating. But m005e is right. Talk to her. Tell you need relief. If she has no interest at the time tell her your intentions. Ask her if she wants to watch, join you, ignore you or help you.
Then be governed accordingly. Communication here is the key. No reason for you to die on the vine just because she has no interest.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-16-2012 at 04:38 AM. Reason: Terminology.

 
Old 07-15-2012, 06:23 PM   #4
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Rich775 HB UserRich775 HB UserRich775 HB UserRich775 HB UserRich775 HB UserRich775 HB User
Re: Masturbating in my sleep?

Yes... what boogabear said. If you can't talk to her after 20 years, then there are bigger problems than when/how you release that energy. And if those kinds of problems exist (other than the occasional dry spell that all marriages go through), then it doesn't really matter when/how you release that energy... imo.
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