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Old 09-07-2012, 12:30 PM   #1
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Desire for MMF threesome is ruining my marriage

I have been fantasying about having sex with two men for as long as I can remember. I have shared this wish with my husband (boyfriend at that time) soon after we started dating. Generally our sex has always been very good. I love him very much. He is quite rational and thinking guy. He didn't refuse my wish but he didn't like it. Nevertheless he said we can try. He always says, he is made about me and that's his only fantasy. Well, I have tried many times to arrange for us to meet another guy, but all attempts ended up badly. It was as if he unconsciously ruined any chance for it to happen. The other guy - of course - always waited for his "OK", which he refused to "notice" - so nothing ever happened. I pushed as hard as I dared, but never achieved anything.

Now we have been married for some years and we are expecting our second child. As in first pregnancy, my libido grew again and I fantasize about MMF intensely. I am pushing everything inside me and trying to look normal. I am fed up with useless conversations with my husband on anything related to threesome, for nothing new ever came up while talking for years now. My arousal became almost constant and I even have a hard time concentrating while working. Any minute alone, I dream about the stories and movies I have seen in past years. I also fantasize about being with my husband and a mutual friend (I couldn't do it with a stranger). Of course non of them know about this desires.

I have tried small steps - like making him fantasize aloud together involving some dirty talking. It ended up really stupid. I have tried watching MMF movies while making love and he wasn't comfortable with it. I have tried many other things - but he is really rigid and nothing seems to work. I stopped trying. The only way of making love with him is very "average and normal" sex and that's not interesting for me at all. I fantasize all the time we make love together and I am miles away in my mind. Gradually I have realized, my orgasms are much better, if his simply not around. I take my time, watch movies, read stories and for short time live out my fantasy through other people's memories or bodies - people who were lucky enough to have chance to make it happen.

Gradually I lost all sexual interest in him. He even repels me sometimes. We make love very rare. The more I am aroused the more I feel distant and lonely. Luckily he has quite a hard time at work and he doesn't seem to notice anything. We are growing apart slowly. Sex has always been one good thing in our marriage, and I believe that it is quite an important part of every marriage. However, now I slowly lost all hope, that my desires could ever be fulfilled with him and I see no sense of even trying to fight my negative emotions for him.

On the other hand, I feel responsible for family and children. I love my husband and we are really good team together. I can't imagine leaving him. We are generally very honest with each other and I can't imagine secretly meeting two other guy ether. I feel cornered and frustrated. I feel and sometimes say to him things I resent. I should actively start to solve this problem but have no idea where to start and what to do. Any feasible tips?

 
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Old 09-07-2012, 02:45 PM   #2
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Re: Desire for MMF threesome is ruining my marriage

I can tell you this, I could never sit back and allow another man to have sex with my wife. Would you be willing to allow another woman in the bed with you and your husband?

Is it the MMF that you fantasize about, or is it the "mutual friend"?

 
Old 09-07-2012, 05:53 PM   #3
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Re: Desire for MMF threesome is ruining my marriage

Be very careful what you wish for. Unless you both want this, it would be the death of whatever is left of your marriage. I am sorry that you are so frustrated, but, given that your husband is not willing, you are stuck. In the sixties and seventies, we knew a lot of people who participated in these activities, and many partnerships broke up over it. Many men thought they could handle it, but in reality, virtually no man wants his wife to have sex with another man. Sera

 
Old 09-09-2012, 10:32 AM   #4
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Re: Desire for MMF threesome is ruining my marriage

Some fantasies are best left in the world of fantasy and this is DEFINITELY one of them. Obviously your husband isn't comfortable with the idea and if you force the issue it may indeed permanently damage your marriage. You also must know that it will forever change your - and your husband's relationship with the "mutual friend" you mention.

You should also think long and hard about the impact this could have on your family and reputation, particularly if the mutual friend chooses not to keep it a secret? You are risking your real family for the sake of a fantasy which is a risky thing to do.

 
Old 09-09-2012, 10:57 AM   #5
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Re: Desire for MMF threesome is ruining my marriage

hi-

you sound extremly selfish. it sounds like you have a real good man, but tyou how that saying goes, you dont know what you have until you lose it. Get a gripand stop forcing your fantasy on your hubby when clearly he not into GUYS.
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Old 09-10-2012, 07:00 AM   #6
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Re: Desire for MMF threesome is ruining my marriage

Thanks everyone for sharing your opinion on my issue. During weekend my husband and I had two very long talks and now everything feels much better. After I confessed here, I felt really guilty about telling millions of people on the internet but not being able to be that honest to tell one person who really loves me. Therefore I collected all energy and.. started talking...

Js1976 >>> "mutual friend" changes during years, therefore my real problem to solve is not that I "fall in love" with a third guy

Seraph and gcsjr >>> Thank you both, that is generally what I am trying to do... I will work on it in the future as well. It's just, that sometimes one fails - but you don't really fail until you start trying.

BB07 >>> You are completely right: my husband is a real good man and I am selfish. That does not help me solving a problem a bit, you know.

Last edited by Administrator; 04-11-2013 at 07:33 PM.

 
Old 09-20-2012, 11:40 AM   #7
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Re: Desire for MMF threesome is ruining my marriage

If this fantasy is something you needed to get out in the open, this is probably a good place to start.

I mentioned the "mutual friend" because it did sound to me that you had fallen in love with someone else.

I have to agree with Seraph in regards to being careful what you wish for. Very few people have the ability to participate in activities such as this, and it could end up ruining your marriage. As much as I would enjoy having another woman in the room, I know my wife could not handle it so I would never try and push the subject.

Last edited by Administrator; 04-11-2013 at 07:36 PM.

 
Old 09-21-2012, 06:59 PM   #8
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Re: Desire for MMF threesome is ruining my marriage

If you love your partner it's best not to because you could get feelings for the other guy and maybe if you do it there could be chance of pregancy if you have unprotected sex with the other guy. So for me it's not good idea.

 
Old 06-27-2013, 08:52 PM   #9
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Re: Desire for MMF threesome is ruining my marriage

Thank you for sharing your story. Threesomes or more-somes are very difficult at first and have many levels of evolvement. For example, you are already finding by what you suggest that you are now open to a range of judgement and criticism by others.

Threesomes are challenging now for a variety of reasons, both morally and concerning health risks etc, however, in this case I feel concerned to reply regarding your emotional and moral state.

I am a happily married to my wife and we have experienced 5 MMf threesomes during our 18 year relationship/marriage. I can tell you from experience that you need to be prepared for some life changing stuff to happen.

The first thing that I would offer is that you should feel neither guilty or ashamed for having feelings the way you do. Acknowledge these feelings for what they are, but do not beat yourself up or damage yourself emotionally! It is very important to raise your feelings with your husband. Of course there is no guarantee that he will agree to your desires. Acceptance does not mean agreement.

So where to from here for you? I would find a sexual therapist that is supportive of your goals, and I mean SUPPORTIVE. It would be healthy for you to discuss your feelings in a supportive environment, you'd benefit a great deal. If budget is a concern then read the top three books on the subject from Amazon.

Lastly, if your husband is still not supportive and just can't share you with another then you have a tough decision ahead. And there may be more under the surface than just a question of sex. If the shoe was on the other foot would you be willing to share your husband with another woman? I can see people reading this and shaking their heads and saying "No no, your doing it all wrong". Let them be who they are, and what they think of you (as the blunt saying goes) is non of YOUR business.

Finally, I wish you all the best with your one shot at life. My wife and I are really enjoying our sex life, it's never black and white and is always in progress, we understand that it's different strokes for all. Just don't let others push you around or influence you. Even my post.

Think for yourself, learn by your mistakes and have a happy and long life.

 
Old 08-11-2013, 05:13 PM   #10
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Smile Re: Desire for MMF threesome is ruining my marriage

Indijana-

First off, congratulations on your boldness in posting, even anonymously. Second, many people responding are correct, this can ruin your marriage, but not because of the fantasy, because of the mismatch. Keeping a fantasy hidden inside even if it's never acted on is a poison that will eventually cause problems in other areas, as it clearly has for you. This from both of us.

(I am the male half of this couple, she will respond in time.)

Someone up there said that no man wants to see another man make love to his wife. Not true, there are many polyamorous couples that like to love everyone. But this isn't love you are talking about, it's sex. And many men like to see other men having sex with their wives. I am one. And no, I'm not a wimp, a loser, nor sick. If you love someone and they get real enjoyment out of something, you enjoy it with them.

We have had many MMF threesomes. A couple of moresomes, but that's not nearly as exciting nor fun. Only one of them was a negative experience, and that was because the gent lied to us, and we didn't catch it in time.

DW always plays safe, and has never played alone, but we have agreed that it is OK if she does. The key there is "we have agreed."

We don't have any experience with MFF, because that's not interesting to either of us. She has asked many times if I want to, but it's not what I want. She enjoys being the center of attention and I love participating with her while that happens.

Don't let others judge you, but don't hold it back either. A suggestion would be to think about letting the idea of having a mutual friend go. A stranger that you might never see again might be a better idea. That keeps the danger of falling in love to a minimum, and also makes the awkward meeting at your kids' school less of a problem. :-)

We have actually videoed a couple of times when she is playing with another guy, and I can almost orgasm just listening to her enjoyment. Talk to your spouse again, and see if he can understand what it is that you think would be nice about it.

Sex between us has never been better, nor more frequent, than since we started having very occasional 3sums.

D

(Now the female part of the couple.)

Hi-

It took a long time for me to understand that my DH was OK with this. I had an almost affair early in our marriage, and talking about it, turned him on instead of making him angry. Then a while later him and a friend shared me on a wild night. That was the last time for quite a while as it pretty much made the friendship too weird. But it didn't hurt our relationship, and we often pretended again later.

Now that the children are almost adults (as long as we provide a roof, I don't think they are really grown up.) we turned to each other and said "Hi! I think I married you." Then the sex went wild.

Then he brought up threesomes again. I was really ashamed of my body, physically. Age does that. But he lovingly pointed out that sexy is a state of mind, and I had that in abundance. So I agreed to let him set me up.

The first two were no shows. Men can be such pains in the butt.

The third one was a banging success! (Sorry for the pun.) I orgasmed so much I nearly passed out. I found I love both giving and receiving in this situation. It was so intense that I didn't want to do it again for a while, which was odd, according to DH, but you will probably understand, being a woman.

We have done it since, on an irregular basis. I have also had a moresome, but that just doesn't seem the same, it's more of a mechanical process. DH didn't like that as much either. So next time we will be back to MMF.

I have encouraged him to find us a woman to play with, but he isn't interested. I'm not really into girl/girl play, so I'm not pressing it that much, but I wanted him to be aware that I would be OK with it.

Communication is the key.

(Both of us again.)

We have tried this more than a few times now, and love each other completely and totally. If your husband can't come around to see a possibility, then he is losing out on what could potentially be a great thing.

Love,

D & S

 
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