I am experiencing a lot of sexual frustration in my marriage. We have been married for 18 years. My wife does not acknowledge the importance of sex in marriage. She treated sex as a chore or duty that she has to fulfill in marriage. She rejects all forms of foreplay and just want me to get it over and done with for years. I have tried my very best to communicate how I felt about it but she did not see the importance of it and not even taking action about it. Sex is an occasional event. Once a week, month or sometimes miss it for months. Her complaints are always tired from her work. When I tried to have sex earlier or other parts of the day, she would reject it flat.
I am feeling very very frustrated and has been crying at night when I am alone. There is already no kissing after few weeks into the marriage. I have never been able to touch her breast since marriage as she said it is painful to touch. I do not want to hurt her and yet I felt so deprived as a husband. I felt that I am just having a cheap hooker in my life who just opened her legs. I have been tolerating it for years. I just told her that I have forgotten how she tasted like and I have no recollection of her body. I felt deprived. There is no reaction nor any acknowledgement from her. I told her to go for counselling and she refused. One thing I am sure is that there is no third party from her side. I know her friends and colleagues. She is a very good and responsible mother. She does not splurge and is thrifty.
After experiencing the pain in the first few years, I dived into work and other social work to keep myself occupied. This is to keep myself useful and also to tire me out. It will also keep myself from getting into adultery. I masturbates at night to prevent myself from getting angry and frustrated. Even if there is sex, there is to me no emotional connection as it just pure penetration. I am so afraid that I may not be able to withstand the frustration and commit adultery. The frustration is building up more and more and I have been praying to God to prevent me from sinning but my will weakens with each coming day as I mulled over it. I tried to think about how she went through difficult times with me once but I just do not know what to do. I am so afraid of what I may do.
Recently, I lost my patience and she finally started to talk. She told me that she is not a "touching" person and she told me what was important to her was quality time with her. At first I believe but after thinking about daily discourse, I remembered she would hug and kiss the children. Sometimes looking at the way she hug and showering affection on my children or other children made me jealous (Ironically, that was what attracted me to her). I decided to work on the facts but things did not work out for the better as hoped.
Few weeks ago, while we were having sex, I was so upset that she suddenly talked about something that happened in the news during intercourse and on another occasion, talk about what happened to our children. That was really abusive in my opinion. When I wanted to kiss her, she held her nose and said she would accede to my request, it was a great turn off and I was really mad. I really felt abused. Through the forumers here, please advice. Thanks in advance.