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Old 11-03-2012, 08:33 PM   #1
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Triangle Gone Wrong

I was with a woman, A, for almost three years. We started long-distance and then had an apartment together for almost two years. We fought a lot, due to our temperamental attitudes. At some point autumn 2011, we sort of "broke up" but continued living together, not sleeping with other people, and hanging out all the time.

Then, spring of 2012, an exgf of mine, B, that I had very very strong feelings for (and was the reason A and I broke up - I gave B flowers, long story) started talking to me and I told A that I was going to sleep with other people.

Because we were "broken up," she said fine, and I did sleep with B a few nights later - the first time we ever did, even though we had been on/off for almost 10 years.

That night, A moved out in a huff and though she was moving three months later, decided to live at her parents' place, while continuing to pay half of the rent.

At this time, I was sleeping with both of them, until about July, when B and I stopped communicating, and then A stopped communicating, too.

At this point, I have given them both space, as well as me, and months later with the dust settled, I truly believe that sleeping with B needed to happen for closure that I didn't get a decade ago. Now, I feel foolish and like I was extremely cruel toward A for not being a better friend to her - but at the same time, she harrassed me all summer and when she moved 1000 miles away in August, never said goodbye - after three years!


At this point, I am really missing A and I have done a lot of soul searching. She lives out of state and we both have begun our Masters degrees this year.

I think that I want to tell her I think we should get married. B was a huge factor in my stunted development with relationships and a main reason why I was unable to really love A the way that she deserved. Now that B is out of my system and the situation resolved, I feel freer than I have in years and I want to settle down soon and start a family.

Is it fair of me to approach A and tell her these things? I know the main reason we have had no contact in so many months is because she is trying so desperately to get over the situation. She was really hurt by everything that transpired - and I didn't do a good job in handling her feelings.


On the one hand, I know we love each other, and I miss her every day and I know she feels the same. On the other, I am wondering if this kind of situation could ever be resolved, or if she could ever forgive me.

Is it fair for me to tell her that I want to marry her? Or should I let her come back to me? Or should I just figure there are other girls out there?

 
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Old 11-04-2012, 03:17 AM   #2
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Re: Triangle Gone Wrong

I think you are romanticising what you and A had. The first thing you described in your post was temperamental issues between you and A. I don't see how that could have changed a lot. You're still the people you are and you broke up for a whole number of reasons.

I think the best for both of you would be to move on. A lot of water has run under the bridge.

I think you need to realize that there are other women out there. Women whose temperament is a better match for yours – and whom you haven't hurt in any way.

Make a fresh start, be the man that you can be to a woman who will hold no grudge.

 
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