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Old 11-06-2012, 01:30 PM   #1
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Angry I can't seem to have orgasm lately

Ok here is the story. I found out that my husband had been trying to get other women to sex talk with him on a kik website. I did not look for it, I had just checked an email and something came up and I clicked on it on his phone. We had always been pretty honest with each other and neither one of us had any problems with using each others phone. When I asked him about it, he grabbed the phone out of my hands by pushing me to the ground and went to our bedroom and locked the door and sat so I couldn't get the door open. He restarts his entire phone. So then I could not read what was said. He then makes up a username he had used and told me he had deleted the account. Well about every couple weeks I would find out more information. He had lied about his account because he could not delete it right away. Made up another email address and posted on a website to get people to contact him on this kik. I have always asked him to stay away from porn and especially deleting it so I couldn't see it when he went to it on his phone. I am not anti porn, as we both have plenty of our own stash at home. I also found out he had signed up at some porn websites where you can post pictures of your wives at. I googled his username and a whole bunch of comments he had made to these people had shown up. Marry me was one - that is an absolute killer. And to top it off he used a username with our anniversary date in it. I was simply broken hearted to say the least. He has apologized and swears he will never do it again, but we have been having issues with porn for a long time. He tells me that each time. I just keep finding out more. Now instead of feeling bad and saying he is sorry, he is getting furious as me. He is loosing his temper enough to break things, threaten his life if I walk out the door, he has just been a totally different person. He swears this is the first time he has actually tried to get women to chat and sent him dirty pictures of themselves. I am having trouble believing him, as he has told me I wouldn't find out anything else since the first stuff I found back in August. I cannot understand why he is angry with me. He is the one who is lying and did the stuff he did. So I have been trying to get along with him becauseI really do want to work on things (we have 2 daughters) the best I can, but I am still so very hurt by this. We have been trying to resume normal activities, I have even tried to do more things in bed with him because who knows, maybe that's why he was looking to talk to people, but now I am hardly able to orgasm anymore. I think I have only a couple times (even while masterbating) and that even took over an hour. I am wondering if something is wrong with me or is this just a physcological response to being hurt by him? Does anyone have any suggestions? Will this just get better over time? I wish he would have just told me the entire truth the first time, so I wouldn't be driving myself crazy trying to find out if there are more things he has done. I am even worried he might have been trying to meet these women. Since he cannot be honest with me, how am I supposed to trust him right now??? Ugh

 
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Old 11-06-2012, 01:36 PM   #2
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Re: I can't seem to have orgasm lately

no it won't get better over time, you can't trust him, period....

 
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Old 04-10-2013, 08:27 PM   #3
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Re: I can't seem to have orgasm lately

I joined this site so I could respond to your post. I stumbled across it randomly and was really shocked by your story. Obviously I don't know you or your relationship or situation as well as you do, but from what you described, this is extremely concerning behavior on his part and you should seriously consider ending the relationship. Just the fact that he is starting to be violent is reason enough to seek out some help. And yes, I guarantee your stress, sadness and hurt over your husband's behavior is the reason you are unable to orgasm right now.

I realize you posted several months ago, so I really do hope things have gotten better. If not, I hope you know you don't have to remain in a toxic relationship. You and your daughters are too valuable to be subject to this disturbing and unsafe behavior. Don't be afraid to ask someone for help if you need it.

 
Old 06-29-2013, 09:21 PM   #4
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Re: I can't seem to have orgasm lately

To be honest, maybe it's a good thing you can't have an orgasm. If you have a husband like that, why give him the satisfaction of him giving you satisfaction? Does that make sense?

I know you're married and all and I do respect marriage; however, I think it's time you found someone else.

Hit me up if you feel like chatting. I don't make judgments. Feel free to vent if you want

 
Old 07-09-2013, 08:08 AM   #5
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Re: I can't seem to have orgasm lately

Hi Jodi,

I hope all is well with you.

What your husband is doing is a transference of anger. Since you have found out about his lies, he has redirected his anger of being found out towards you, the very person who he should be asking for forgiveness.

If he is threatening to take his own life if you walk out the door, that is controlling behavior. He needs to see a counselor. Maybe afterwards, you can both attend couple's counselling to address these issues in an unbiased environment.

I do believe you can not orgasm because of these issues that have affected you psychologically and physically but perhaps after resolving the deep-rooted issue, you can orgasm again.

All the best,
JMia

 
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