It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Sexual Health - General Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 11-10-2012, 07:44 PM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1
januaryfrozen HB User
Question Can't Orgasm With Partner because Partner Orgasms Too Fast

Hello,

So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months now. We have been having sex once or twice a week at the most for about two months (I only see him on weekends). I really like everything that leads up to sex, and even the start of the penetrative sex feels good. But I just can't orgasm. I also can't bring MYSELF to orgasm with watching or reading something "erotic". I was a virgin before this boyfriend, and he is the first guy I have done anything sexual with. He is a lot more experienced than I am, so I don't think its the "two virgins don't have a clue what they are doing". I don't know if porn "desensitized" people, or if its me being too nervous and thinking about reaching/not reaching orgasm that keeps me from doing so, becuase once or twice I think I have felt like I was getting close, and then didn't.

I also have a little bit of pain during the actually penetration after a little while, which I believe is caused by my natural lubrication just....going away? I am thinking about buying some lube and see if that helps, and I was hoping if everything down there was well lubricated then I might be more likely to orgasm.

He also has started to orgasm WAY too fast. Hes kinda bragged about how long he can "last"....and I'm sitting there wondering where that went. We recently stopped using condoms, I am on birth control and he pulls out...I feel like using the pull out method is kind of childish...but I am paranoid about getting pregnant even on birth control so I am okay with it. So I was wondering since we stopped using condoms that caused him to finish so fast. He can get an erection quickly, or even stays hard, after he ejaculates, but by then, for me the "mood" is kind of ruined. I really haven't said anything about it, just jokingly said "we need to work on that baby" and didn't say anything again.

I'm sorry for how long this is! I guess I have a lot of questions

Thank you to anyone who replies, and you don't have to answer every question if you can't or just don't feel like it.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 11-10-2012, 08:16 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
ladybud's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 5,112
ladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB User
Re: Can't Orgasm With Partner/Partner Orgasms Too Fast

Condoms do cause some of the sensation for the male to be lost, so not using them may be part of the problem with him not lasting. Lubrication should help the pain. You can also try prolonging the foreplay. Best thing though is to talk about this and see if he can delay ejaculation. You may be too focused on orgasm and not enough on just having pleasure. Try different positions too as that may help him last longer and help you get what you want.

 
The Following User Says Thank You to ladybud For This Useful Post:
januaryfrozen (11-10-2012)
Old 11-10-2012, 08:25 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Chester, VA
Posts: 1,756
noevr HB Usernoevr HB Usernoevr HB Usernoevr HB Usernoevr HB Usernoevr HB Usernoevr HB Usernoevr HB Usernoevr HB Usernoevr HB Usernoevr HB User
Re: Can't Orgasm With Partner/Partner Orgasms Too Fast

hi, yes getting some lube should help you. don't use vaseline. another thing see if you can get him off during foreplay and then again during sex and he should last longer. see if he's for that. especially if he's young. good luck hope this helps. Cathy

 
The Following User Says Thank You to noevr For This Useful Post:
aowshea (01-15-2013)
Old 11-11-2012, 06:25 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 5,400
Thisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB User
Re: Can't Orgasm With Partner/Partner Orgasms Too Fast

Quote:
Originally Posted by januaryfrozen View Post
I really like everything that leads up to sex, and even the start of the penetrative sex feels good. But I just can't orgasm. I also can't bring MYSELF to orgasm with watching or reading something "erotic". I was a virgin before this boyfriend, and he is the first guy I have done anything sexual with. He is a lot more experienced than I am, so I don't think its the "two virgins don't have a clue what they are doing". I don't know if porn "desensitized" people, or if its me being too nervous and thinking about reaching/not reaching orgasm that keeps me from doing so, becuase once or twice I think I have felt like I was getting close, and then didn't.
Hi januaryfrozen,

If you can't bring yourself to orgasm, then it's really really unlikely he is going to be able to. It also sounds like you're hoping to have an orgasm from intercourse which is statistically less or not likely to happen (only 10-20% of women orgasm from intercourse alone). I think you should put less focus on the actual intercourse part (which should take pressure off him) and more focus on the things that do actually make women orgasm.

As for how long he lasts, the condoms were probably helping prolong things for him and now it's up to him to figure out another way to distract himself. Meanwhile, you get some lube, and get working on trying to figure out how you can orgasm.

 
Old 12-11-2012, 01:12 PM   #5
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Utah
Posts: 69
luck25 HB Userluck25 HB User
Re: Can't Orgasm With Partner/Partner Orgasms Too Fast

Go buy a an egg vibrator. You can hold it on your clitoris while u are having sex. My wife and I have to do that. There are Alot of people in the same boat. Don't worry, its actually fun, and it works. Good luck.

 
Old 01-14-2013, 05:53 PM   #6
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 4
closertogod HB User
Re: Can't Orgasm With Partner because Partner Orgasms Too Fast

I never had an orgasm until I met my husband. Not even by myself. My husband was my sixth sexual partner. For lots of women, it just takes a while to learn what feels good. -shrug- I would suggest lighting some candles and finding out what makes you tick by yourself, and then teach your boyfriend. And yes, lube can be wonderful.

 
Old 01-29-2013, 01:44 PM   #7
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3
ck97 HB User
Re: Can't Orgasm With Partner because Partner Orgasms Too Fast

Try new things. Experiment with your partner and find out what you like. Have your partner take time on other erogenous zones like your nipples, thighs, anus, etc.

From what I understand, a lot of men will train themselves to ejaculate quickly by developing bad masturbation habits (getting it done as soon as possible so mom won't walk in). Talk to him, gently. Try to not shatter his ego because that may result in more performance anxiety, which is bad for this kinda thing. If he takes his time and goes slow, he can develop new sexual habits and build endurance through this.

 
Old 02-25-2013, 12:59 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
trystme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,101
trystme HB Usertrystme HB Usertrystme HB Usertrystme HB Usertrystme HB Usertrystme HB User
Re: Can't Orgasm With Partner because Partner Orgasms Too Fast

For myself personally, my dh must make me orgasm before he penetrates me. Once he penetrates me, its way too late for me to orgasm. Most women do not orgasm from penetration so you are perfectly normal.

 
Old 02-26-2013, 12:38 AM   #9
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: NC, USA
Posts: 14
redfive HB User
Re: Can't Orgasm With Partner because Partner Orgasms Too Fast

Sex is a two-person activity. He should be as concerned as are you over the matter. Communication is necessary. Since you naturally lubricate, you guys should'nt have to reach for the lube tube. Spending more time with foreplay and thoughts of the intense love and attraction for each other should definitely help. Guys can control their arousal. You can help by calming him. The stop-start method during foreplay is not only a turn-on but can help him slow it down. It will help him see that "lasting" is much more awesome an experience than the quickie.

 
Closed Thread

Tags
lubricants, orgasm difficulty, pain



Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:38 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!