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Old 12-02-2012, 01:34 PM   #1
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Bf has never had an interest in sex

Hi guys, newbie here. I'm 27 years old and my bf of 2 years is 30. We have never had sex before, in fact he has never had sex with anyone, nor masturbated. He says he has no feeling in his penis for that sort of thing, and doesn't even understand why anybody would do that besides for having a child. He of course does not get erections either. He is straight, loves the woman's body and all of that, just has no interest in going further than touching. He is also an AMAZING boyfriend and person, but me having a high sex drive.. well it is kind of sad for me that he feels this way. I don't want to leave him over this because sex isn't everything, but I've been trying to figure out why he is this way? He's not religious, hasn't been sexually abused or anything.. just has no interest. He says he was just born like this. We talk a lot about it and we communicate very well with eachother. I suppose I am posting because I am still clinging to some kind of hope that he can be "fixed" but I know that's not realistic.

Has anybody heard of something like this? Thanks for any replies in advance

 
Old 12-02-2012, 03:06 PM   #2
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Re: Bf has never had an interest in sex

Yes, I have heard of this although it's rare. Your BF is Asexual and it's highly unlikely he will change. What I have never heard of it an Asexual having being in a relationship.

 
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Old 12-02-2012, 03:11 PM   #3
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Re: Bf has never had an interest in sex

Thanks for the reply!
Both of us have looked up what being asexual is. My bf is very romantic and likes to make me happy in every way except sexual things. We also don't kiss either. He says females "turn him on" but not in the way sexual people would use that term. He also likes to cuddle a lot, and says he couldn't live without that contact. I asked him what if I didn't like cuddling (as an analogy to his no sex towards me) and he said he probably couldn't be with me. What makes someone asexual? It's so mind boggling to someone like me.

 
Old 12-02-2012, 03:57 PM   #4
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Re: Bf has never had an interest in sex

Theres a few things that can cause it or just a total lack of libdo.

All though you mentioned he had never been through some traumatic events. The lose of a loved one can completely kill sex drive.

Depression at times can lower or stop it.

Anxiety worry about what to do or how to do it.

Low levels of some hormones. e.g testosterone

Eating disorders have been known to cause a total loss of libdo.

It something you could just google and read for hours about different things, or you could see your GP. Its not something that will change because you talk about it because he has no desire he is not consciously thinking i dont want to have sex. Im guessing unless you talk about it, sex doesn't cross his mind?


I dont think not having sex is a big deal at the end of the day if you both love each other, and your both there for each other, what does one pointless little thing matter unless your trying to conceive.
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Old 12-02-2012, 10:42 PM   #5
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Re: Bf has never had an interest in sex

Yup, agreed with Diverdan. Post trauma (heaviest one) may be the cause. This type needs someone he trusts at all, to open up his obstacle. Obviously, it is not as easy as only by asking him directly. Someone's deeper secret is a two-edged knife. With a good struggle, you may hear what his secret is, but he may leave you as the consequences after that. Small chance he's not, he may stall the relationship without proceeding to next level.

Hence, there are too much possibilities, such as Diverdan provided us. There are some man were raised and had a strong restriction and education from his parents concerning sexual things. That sex is taboo, not allowed, or were pressed into never seek the topic. He knew what it is, a little, from here and there, but he's limiting himself from further progress.

Let's not vonis/judge on him, because he is the only one who knew what the cause is.

Well, if you love him, then you won't be bothered to wait, but with a limit. Marriage is the only key to know what is inside him.
Who knows, after marriage, he will become someone that you expect for. Someone who doesn't want to have the pre-marriage sex. I knew someone who's this type.

 
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