I'm 26 years old and finally met this amazing man at work. We're together almost every day of the week outside of work, spend at least half of the nights out of the week together, are interested in alot of the same things, always have a good time and laugh alot together and I have never clique so well with any man my entire life. He's damn near perfect for me EXCEPT in the bedroom.
We sleep in the same bed all the time, we started making out and touching each other about a month and a half ago. He turned down oral sex both times I offered and he turned down doing it to me.
Last weekend, we had sex or tried to for the first time, and he lost his erection three times. After the third time he told me "it's not gonna work babe, he's just gonna go to sleep again" I was disappointed but I just cuddled with him and told him we can try again some other time.
The next morning we made plans to go out for breakfast and I texted him a flirty message before I got there basically saying how I would show up early so we could finish what we started the other night and told him how bad I wanted him and he got flirty back and said he would like that. Sure enough, I get to the house and he just hops in the shower, no kisses no cuddles, no nothing.
Fast forward to a few days ago, and we somehow got into the conversation of sex and he told me that he just doesn't like sex! And I asked him why and he said he feels that there are other things in life and people put too much on sex and I told him I don't feel it should be the main focus in a relationship but that it is important to me and I do like it and he disagreed. I moved closer to him and started caressing him and I told him well I would love to try and change you're thinking on that. I want to teach you to like sex, I think that would be fun. And he just cuddled me back and said he doesn't know, etc.
The next day when we woke up in the morning, I told him I was feeling sick and he asked me why and I told him it was because I had my period and then I made a joke "no fun for us now for the next few days" and he said that's fine with me, I don't like sex. Too many chances to get the woman pregnant, I was almost a father twice, not going through that again. And I told him you can just pull out or use a condom, I don't want a baby right now either and he told me he would just rather not. I asked him was that the only reason that he doesn't want to have sex with me and he said no, I just don't like sex, other things are more important. That's just who I am. And I told him well still, I'm gonna try and change that and he told me he doesn't want me "setting myself up for failure" and that's when I asked him straight up what's the reason he doesn't like sex and he got angry and told me he is just going to keep repeating himself so end this conversation because it's getting him upset. And ever since then he hasn't touched, cuddled with, or even kissed me for three whole days! We didn't argue besides that.
I think that I truly love this man, he's literally the boyfriend I imagined for myself but never thought I would find. A little background on us: he's 29 years old, he has no problem getting or staying hard when we would makeout or when I would strip naked for him, etc, he used to be really overweight but has since lost over 100 pounds in the last 18 months or so, he is no longer overweight, just has a gut. He drinks but doesn't get drunk very much if at all, and he smokes cigarettes but nothing more. He did have a really depressing lifestyle before I came into the picture. His mother died of cancer about four years ago, last year his brother committed suicide at the age of 22 and his father is an alcoholic that was recently diagnosed with liver problems. He's only had one long term relationship that I know of (three years) any others have all been short term things that didn't end well at all which he often brings up to me. I'm 26 years old and from what I've been told and the attention that I get at work, on the more attractive side of women but I never really felt that way until I started this job. I keep myself very clean, shave often, and wear sexy bras and panties when I'm around him and from what I've seen from his ex girlfriends, they were all heavyset women, which I don't think is a thing for him honestly because the women were not that pretty in the face either (just because you're overweight doesn't make you ugly by any means but these were not women you would call pretty by any stretch) and he's not a mean person but he has made comments about fat women, like at work and stuff if they upset him. So I honestly don't think he prefers that and he does get really aroused when he sees me naked and does things with me but now it seems as if our sex life (or lack thereof) is going to tear us apart.
I don't want to pressure him into anything, but I want him to know that if we don't have sex or now maybe not even cuddle and kiss that this relationship will be over before he knows it. If he had agreed to working on this with me I would understand and be fine but I really need to get him to meet me halfway on this and I just don't know what's wrong with him or how to go about it exactly. I'm also afraid to get into a real in depth conversation about it because it feels like he just shuts down the talks of sex or gets mad which I don't want because I don't want to cause him more stress or get him too angry because I really feel that he is the one for me.
Last edited by Mod-S4; 12-07-2012 at 03:12 PM.
Reason: Details of sex acts are not necessary or allowed.
ive been with a man for 20 yrs and he had simelar symptoms but could manage to have sex at first. ive put up with so many many sexual problems and excuses on his part over the years, i also used to love him and used to think we could get through anything. fast forward 20 yrs and belive me you cant. if he cant or doesnt want sex now for whatever the reason now trust me it will go worse. ive not been in the best of health for the last 2-3 years so i an stuck with him for now. weve not done the deed for the best part of a year, and have slept in seperate beds most of the time for 98%. lack of sex on a mans part causes a whole lot of emotional issues as well as the rest that come with it. there is either something seriously wrong with a man who is that way, yes some things can be sorted but for you esp if this is happening at the start of the relationship walks away girl. i hate him you walk away while you can, you sound like a beautifull person inside and out. dont let him drag you down with him xx
Well, not everything is just like what we want. Same man who seeks for the girl.
Anyway, changing one's manifestation is not as easy as it seems. It takes a large security from that person to bail out and defeat it. Which means nobody can change it, except himself. But it took years before it 'heals'. Not just that, it took a rapidly consultation to the person whom he/she puts for the security.
Now, if in this case is a man, the more you 'chase/follow' him, the farther he avoids. You think he needs an 'emotional-tidying', but that won't work if you apply that to a man.
If you love him, you should have the patience.
But if you feel the relationship is heavy in the future, then don't wait to change your boat direction.
Don't move on yet for the other man after you have made the decision.